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Messages - jjb2158

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1
Approved Characters / Re: Rachel Jonquil
« on: December 11, 2017, 11:27:16 PM »
I'm a bit hesitant about having summons that are sentient, even if it's a little bit. However, I won't make that big of a deal about it.

Overall, the writing style and background was enjoyable to read.

Approved 2 of 2 and moved.

2
Approved Characters / Re: Basalt Noir
« on: December 11, 2017, 11:15:02 PM »
Looks good to me. Approved 2 of 2 and moved.

3
OOC: Yes, I'm still around...just been really busy lately so it's difficult to keep up in many threads. I'll try and keep this one alive at least.



Seeing the others go further into the mine, Rackley grabbed a new clip and reload Aoshi, this time with a normal cartridge as he didn't want to accidentally cause more damage to the mine itself and risk it collapsing on them. Keeping an eye on the Beowolves outside, he slowly backed up until he was a few paces away from the others. Looking over his shoulder quickly, he let out a sigh of relief as it seemed like Sandy would be okay after a few moments. Turning his attention back to the Grimm, he noticed that they were slowly coming out of their blind state as a few of them looked to be trying to find them. "We m-m-may n-not want t-to stay around h-h-here too long" he stammered, motioning with his gun at the creatures outside. All he could hope for was that, as they got deeper into the mine, they wouldn't run into any dangerous underground Grimm. Considering the fact that Beacon was sending in a first year team to cleanse the mine, he was sure that it wouldn't be too difficult. However, he still couldn't get rid of an ominous feeling that the worst was yet to come.

4
Beacon Academy / Re: Physician, Teach Thyself (OPEN to FIRST YEARS)
« on: December 07, 2017, 11:16:49 AM »
Taking note of the response the professor gave, Rackley quickly wrote down the important parts of the lecture so he'll remember it later, but also for Sandy. Speaking of him, Rackley turned and looked over to where Sandy was helping the other student with her things. Catching him winking in his direction, Rackley simply sighed with resignation. Definitely need to make sure to take good notes for the both of us he thought, smiling slightly. Despite his tendency to have a hard time getting along with other people, Sandy and the others on his team made him feel more at ease and not nearly as the awkward, quiet guy he so often came off as.

Noticing that the girl Sandy had helped came and sat next to him, Rackley leaned forward and gave a smile and wave at her, hoping he didn't look awkward in the process. Noticing Sandy raising his hand to answer the questions, Rackley simply turned his attention back on the board and continued to take notes, doing his not to draw the attention of those around, especially the professor.

5
Approved Characters / Re: Imber Mordred
« on: December 06, 2017, 03:29:53 PM »
After a lot of work being done on this, I can say that this is good to go!

Group Reviewed (JJB, Vox, Gus, Janus, Seig, and Xarias)
Group Approved (JJB, Vision, and NS).

Happy RPing!

6
The Vale Region / Re: Frostbite [Closed]
« on: December 06, 2017, 01:52:31 PM »
Sitting there watching the other two, Savas merely listened to Nicolas and Aurelia talking, despite his attention not being fully on the conversation at hand. Despite anything the others were saying, he continued to focus his efforts on getting his emotions back under control. However, it was when Nicolas directed his attention towards Savas, that he brought his full attention back to the conversation.

"Ngggrh...Not much worth saying" Savas muttered, his deep voice rumbling through the room as he looked towards the fireplace briefly. "Praetor Rubra merely wanted to check in on things at the Academy." Turning his attention back to Nicolas, Savas rolled his shoulders and then proceeded to take Sandalphon and Metatron off his back. Considering the turn of things, it looked as though they would be sticking around here for at least a few minutes so he decided it be best to be comfortable while at it.

7
Approved Characters / Re: Imber Mordred
« on: December 05, 2017, 11:00:47 PM »
Awesome! Everything is looking good and we're all but one step away from getting you approved.

There was just one thing that we listed earlier that wasn't addressed. Not a big deal as we had a plethora of things listed, but still something that needs to be addressed:

Aura and Semblance:
3. In regards to the weapons and shield: Do they have a breaking point? Like, a certain amount of damage and then the shield breaks apart? Either they have a breaking point or they are unbreakable, but they drain aura for each hit they defend against (to a lesser degree than normal for the shield, but normal damage against the weapons).

Also, just a question that came up from the others, but will the weapons (i.e. the bastard sword) glow according to the dust that is used (red for fire, blue for ice, etc)? I know the grenades do, but does it also do the same with everything else?

That was all we saw that needs to be addressed. Well done! :)

8
Approved Characters / Re: Imber Mordred
« on: December 04, 2017, 08:17:51 PM »
Okay, I'm taking the reins here and will be doing the full review of things. Please note that, as I am an extremely nice guy and what not, I can also be very blunt at times with some things. If I ask for something to be changed, then it needs to be changed. If I ask that something be removed, then it needs to be removed. I am blunt because I want this to be approved faster so you can RP sooner. That said, let's get this show on the road:

Appearance:
Quote
Unlike most of the younger hunters
Not that many huntsman dress flamboyant. change the word from "most" to "some". That is something that the entire staff are on agreement with.

History:
A couple things here:
1. You make a lot of generalizations here and use the word "Most" very frequently in reference to the other students. That speaks against a lot of the other characters made on the board, which you don't want to do. Change that word to either "Some" and it'll be acceptable.
2. You have down that he did poorly in Grimm Studies. If that is the case, then that would automatically put him at a disadvantage against fighting Grimm, particularly the larger ones, as Grimm Studies include many things, such as Grimm weak points and Grimm strengths. If you want to leave it as is, then that's fine, but that will need to be reflected in how you use him, particularly when fighting Grimm.
3.
Quote
Being a Hunter, he was naturally more attractive and in great shape
Not every Hunter is naturally more attractive. That's what's implied here. I would say to remove the attractive part since it's already implied in his appearance.

Personality:
There are quite a few spelling errors here. I suggest you copy and paste it somewhere (Word Doc, Open Office, Google Doc, etc) and spell check it. Also, there are some cliches here in the personality (i.e. he's pretty emo while being in an RP board that involves interacting with other players). Not saying it's bad, but I want to mention it so you are aware of them at least.

Aura and Semblance:
Here's where we had a few issues:
1. You have down that he's somewhat of a master at manipulating his aura. This then implies that he would be a master at using his semblance, which is all about creating objects. The implication here is that it makes him seem like he's able to do anything and everything in regards to his aura and semblance perfectly. Honestly, the easiest fix would be the change the word "master" to "proficient". The other thing you can do is give more specifics on what he's a master at.
2. In regards to the orb creation: this doesn't quite exactly fit in terms of the other aura constructs he makes. If these are constructs of stuff he's seen and know, then that will need to be seen in this creation. That said, you can rephrase these from "orbs" to "grenades" and we'll allow that. The only thing would be to increase the time to create them since they would be bigger.
3. In regards to the weapons and shield: Do they have a breaking point? Like, a certain amount of damage and then the shield breaks apart? Either they have a breaking point or they are unbreakable, but they drain aura for each hit they defend against (to a lesser degree than normal for the shield, but normal damage against the weapons).
4. Can you give us an example of what the cost and time to construct would be for him to create a small object, a medium object, and a large object he's not familiar with? For example, a coin, a chair, and a wall? Just so we can get a better concept of his limitations.
5. Not super important, but does he have an aura color?

Combat Behavior:
A few things here:
1. The aura orb, which we addressed earlier, will need to be addressed here also.
2. There needs to be more detail on his fighting style. Currently, he uses a vast amount of different types of weapons, so a little detail on how he is competent to fight with such weapons will be needed. I would say that he can be a master at fighting with one weapon type, extremely good at another two weapons, and competent with everything else (on a bright note, it leaves him open for growth with those weapons).
3. The whole thing about "control the flow of battle" is common for any warrior as anyone would want to do that in a fight so there's no need to point that out.

Dust Function:
Just a few things:
1. The whole aura orb thing, like earlier, will need to be addressed.
2. How is it that the fire sword would burn him, but the lightning sword doesn't shock him and the air sword doesn't blow him away? Kinda seems like it doesn't match up here. I would say that it's fine if he wants to have a fire sword since his aura would protect him from burns.

Relationships:
There is a problem here: If you're intending to use the characters listed below, then this whole section will need to be removed completely. You can create those characters individually in the NPC profile section here: http://rwby-rpg.rwbyfanon.com/index.php/board,48.0.html. Robin's section can be moved into Imber's history since she's deceased, but the others will need to be moved out.
However, if you're never going to use those characters at all, then you can leave them as is. Just state what you're going to do and we can go from there.

That covers my review. As always, feel free to PM me if you have any questions/concerns. I'd be more than happy to discuss them with you.

9
Beacon Academy / Re: Physician, Teach Thyself (OPEN to FIRST YEARS)
« on: December 04, 2017, 04:24:11 PM »
Nodding back at Sandy, Rackley continued to take notes, trying hard to be inconspicuous as Sandy drew the attention of both the professor as well as the students there. Just keep your head down and avoid eye contact... he thought, idly drawing a few pictures of medical tools in his notebook so that he could look busy.

Thankfully, the attention seemed to turn away from Sandy as another student tried to sneak into the classroom, but failed in her attempt. Looking up from his drawings as the girl quickly grabbed her material and sat down, Rackley felt a moment of sympathy towards her as he would feel completely embarrassed around everyone else. Moving his eyes away from her so that she wouldn't feel someone's weight on her, he continued his drawings, all the while intrigued to hear more in the class.

10
Beacon Academy / Re: Physician, Teach Thyself (OPEN to FIRST YEARS)
« on: November 27, 2017, 01:46:06 PM »
Continuing with his note taking, Rackley saw from the corner of his eyes that Sandy was trying to peek at his notes. Smiling slightly, he moved his notes closer to Sandy so it'll be easier for him to read them.

It was perplexing to be sure as to why Dr Sophos would want to change his profession. I wonder why he's a professor now? he thought, wondering if he should raise his hand and ask or not. Not sure if it would be a good idea or not, he simply remained quiet and looked over at Sandy. "D-does that help?" he asked quietly, stuttering slightly over his words. Despite rooming together and being on the same team, Rackley still found it a bit difficult to be comfortable around his teammates.

11
Beacon Academy / Re: Physician, Teach Thyself (OPEN to FIRST YEARS)
« on: November 27, 2017, 10:20:35 AM »
Quickly taking note of what Dr. Sophos said, Rackley did his best to keep up with the questions. Alleviating even small sufferings in this world, you have saved lives by throwing predators off the scent... he quickly finished writing as another girl in the class also asked a question, one more personal than the last. Well...perhaps it's part of why he wanted to be a huntsman? he thought, scratching the back of his head before adjusting his braid slightly. Finishing with that, he continued to quietly take notes of the class, trying his best to not draw attention to himself.

12
Beacon Academy / Re: Physician, Teach Thyself (OPEN to FIRST YEARS)
« on: November 25, 2017, 08:31:31 PM »
Seated in the back row of the class so as to not attract attention, Rackley was content with reading a book while he waited amidst the loud chatter from the other first years in the class. He wasn't the biggest fan of taking this class, but it was one of many classes that he was more or less required to take if he was to progress in Beacon. Regardless, he had to concede to the fact that this type of class would be knowledgeable on missions should things go awry and either himself or one of his teammates got injured.

His thoughts were immediately interrupted by the quieting down of the class and the announcement of the man standing before the entire class. At first impressions, Rackley couldn't help but wonder where the professor was from. His clothing gave off the impression that he was not from Vale, but Rackley simply couldn't figure out where. Maybe he's from Vacuo or Mistral? he wondered as he absentmindedly listened to the professor talk. Guess I'd better get ready to take notes he thought as he placed his bookmark in the book and pulled out his notebook. As he opened up to start taking notes, he looked up towards the direction of one of his fellow classmates who had raised her hand as if trying to rip a hole in the air above her. Not paying her too much attention, he went back to his notes and began to write down in preparation of the class.

13
Approved Characters / Re: Luna Otonai
« on: November 25, 2017, 08:20:32 PM »
As one of the others in the group review of this character, I'll post here. We discussed your character and we're going to approve her.

However, I wanted to at least let you know that her history was the one area that we still found questionable:
1. Why would Luna not want to take revenge on her captors for killing her parents?
2. Why would Tamra want to take her in as the next leader and not just kill her off also?
3. Why would the other bandits see their leader as being too soft and dispose of her and yet not kill off Luna? Doesn't that contradict each other and make it seem like the bandits are being too soft also?

Those are just some of the questions we still have with the character, but it's not enough to deem her as not being approved. I just wanted to bring these to your attention so that you know just some of the things we ask going forward should you create more characters.

Aside from her questionable history, we don't have any other issues.

Group Approved (JJB, Gus, and Vision). Happy RPing :)

14
The Vale Region / Re: Frostbite [Closed]
« on: November 17, 2017, 02:46:03 PM »
Following Aurelia and Nicolas into the house, Savas ducked to get through the doorway. Closing the door behind him, he was thankful to get out of the cold and into a warm house. The cold didn't quite bother him all that much, but he preferred the heat much more. The inside of the house reminded him much of his own family's home, though a bit more tidier. Looking around the residence briefly, it appeared as though Nicolas was the only one who lived here, something that slightly impressed Savas as it must've taken a lot of resources and funds to build a home as nice as this one.

Taking up Nicolas' offer to sit on the trunk, Savas took his seat, the trunk groaning under his weight. Remembering the nickname Nicolas called him earlier, he couldn't help but smirk slightly as he recalled the numerous times his peers around him called him that whenever they would spar or train together. If he recalled, it was either the teacher or Vigdus himself who started calling him that and it quickly spread like wildfire throughout the rest of the nearby clans.

Suppressing any and all thoughts of Vigdus, Savas quickly tried to think of something to say in hopes of maybe breaking the ice as he sat on the trunk. However, nothing came immediately to mind, so he simply looked over at the fireplace, reveling in the warmth, as he waited for one of the others to speak.

15
The Vale Region / Re: Frostbite [Closed]
« on: November 02, 2017, 08:29:39 PM »
Arching an eyebrow down towards Aurelia, Savas continued to follow her in silence. His emotions were still raw from his visit with Rubra, so he decided to use this time to reinforce the mental walls around his mind so as to not lose his composure again.

It wasn't until Aurelia spoke up again that Savas looked closely at his surroundings. They were standing before a simple house that spoke of nothing very extravagant. Watching Aurelia knock lightly on the door, he took notice that she seemed the be shivering. Folding his arms across his chest, he let out a slight sigh. "Ngggrh...cold, isn't it?" he asked softly, his breath coming out as a mist in the cold air. After waiting a moment, he looked at the door. "Perhaps you should knock again?" he inquired, looking back down at Aurelia.

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