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Messages - jjb2158

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1
The Vale Region / Re: Frostbite [Closed]
« on: Today at 07:20:51 PM »
Caught slightly off guard by Aurelia's response as well as Rubra's remark about being prepared for something, Savas simply complied and followed behind Aurelia, the heat from the exploding round briefly warming him before it quickly dissipated. Despite his longer legs, it took him a brief moment before he was keeping pace alongside her. No doubt, she probably heard my conversation with Rubra earlier he thought, trying not to look down at her facial expression now. No matter. It's in the past he thought, looking around as the buildings around them slowly passed by.

After what felt like an eternity of silence between the two, Savas decided to break the silence. "Ngggrh...Where are we going?" he inquired, still not looking down at Aurelia. Rolling his right shoulder briefly so as to adjust his weapons on his back a bit, he quickly cracked his neck as he continued to walk forward. Whatever Aurelia had in mind, he would do his best to be prepared for anything she would throw past him.

2
Character Creation / Re: Akeldama Blood-Heart
« on: October 17, 2017, 01:22:11 PM »
Okay, I'll be spearheading this group review on your character. Quite a few things to note:

History:
There is one big issue here and that is her hearing. Saying that she has hearing that far exceeds that of a faunus is basically going into the territory of a semblance ability. After discussing it with the other staff, we came to the agreement that that is too much and will need to be changed.

Semblance:
The semblance is too OP as it stands. It's basically taking two semblance ideas, creating powerful attacks and constructing objects, and making it into one by saying it's "condensing her aura". We also agreed that this is too much so you will need to pick one or the other and just go with that.

Combat Behavior:
In regards to the echolocation ability, we also discussed this and I'm going to make the call and allow it, but only as a limited echolocation. So please make note of that in the character sheet.

Weapon:
No matter how you look at it, your weapon has six transformations, which is ridiculous. I'd advise you either lower the amount of transformations down or create another weapon. However, seeing that you already have two other weapons, I would advise the first choice and just lower the amount of transformations.

Conclusion:
Overall, this entire character is more or less based off of the ability to hear extremely well. One thing you can do, which would alleviate a lot of the edits would be to just change the semblance to a hearing-based semblance. This would make it so that you wouldn't really have to edit the history and combat behavior all that much. Just something to think about.

I'm keeping this review short and sweet so you don't have to read a bunch and can just address the issues at hand. Feel free to PM me if you have any questions.

3
The Vale Region / Re: Frostbite [Closed]
« on: October 17, 2017, 12:54:18 PM »
It felt like an eternity had passed. An eternity of memories and regret. Memories of the last three years spent at Beacon: moments of laughing at Vigdus' stupid jokes, moments of studying in the late of the night next to Auburn, and moments spent on numerous missions protecting each other's backs. Still kneeling there, Savas simply kept his eyes downcast as Rubra continued to hug him.



Holding on to Savas as a mother would a broken child, Rubra patted back softly to help console him as she noticed Aurelia leaving quietly. Can't blame her for leaving she thought. After a couple minutes, she let go of him and looked into his green eyes. "It wasn't your fault" she said softly before taking a step back and leaning against her desk. "Tragedies happen that we can't avoid. They are what makes us stronger." Gesturing him to take a seat in one of the chairs in front of her desk, she went around and sat back down in her chair. "Now, tell me what happened?" she inquired. The best thing for Savas now would be to let it all off his chest so that he can take the next step forward. And Rubra decided that it was her place to set him back on his path again.



Thirty minutes later...

Taking a deep breath, Savas calmed himself before opening the door to leave Rubra's presence. As harsh as she could be during training, she did care about those under her protection. Letting the door shut behind him, he looked around briefly and then noticed Aurelia standing on the side of the building. Ngggrh...she probably heard a little of the story he supposed, noticing that she was not in the hall when he began to talk to Rubra further.

Walking over to Aurelia, Savas put on a granite-like face as he approached her. "Were you waiting long?" he inquired. No point in trying to hide anything now as she looked like she had a lot on her mind. Though there was a big part of him that wished she had not heard anything prior, there was also a small part that was subconsciously thankful that there was at least one other person he could talk to about the situation. "Was there anywhere you would like to go?" he asked, hoping to try and break the silence.

4
Character Creation / Re: Silva Marquis
« on: October 14, 2017, 10:35:06 PM »
Continuing the review. Seeing that you have been on the board a while now and have many characters, we're going to be more stricter with everything:

History:
After reviewing your character's history, there are a lot of things that just don't seem to work or flow well:
1. There needs to be more details in regards to the kidnapping. This also includes what she went through while kidnapped, why she was kidnapped, and a much bigger effect on her as a person from being kidnapped.
2. There needs to be more detail in regards to her rehab. Also, as someone who has had surgery before, a person wouldn't be able to compete in a big tournament a week after having surgery. Not only that, but the fact that she was sedentary for almost two whole months would've made it difficult to get back into the swing of things because her body was more used to being sedentary during that time. So, you will either need to increase the duration of her rehab or just get rid of this section.
3. Saying that the world news was broadcasting this to the whole world is honestly absurd. There is no reason for the world news to be spreading this all over Remnant. The only time a sporting event gets broadcast to the entire world is the Olympics, which this is not the case. So either remove the world news portion or make it so that it's just the local news that is broadcasting it.
4. There needs to be more expanding on the whole topic of why she wants to be a Huntress. To go from being passionate about ballet to abruptly change to becoming a huntress seems rather anti-climatic so please expand on that section.

Semblance:
Many of the issues I brought up prior weren't dealt with. So, I'm going to list them again:

1. How long can she use it at a time?
2. What are the drawbacks/disadvantages to it?
3. Does this only affect herself or is it able to affect others? From the way it's worded, it sounds like she's able to use it on someone else, whether it be their person or their weapon(s).

Weapon:
Only one issue here: in regards to the fire and ice dust, does the dust cloud affect her also? Seeing that she's a close combat fighter, I would assume that her using a cloud of dust attack would also put her in the range of its attack so please either change it or explain it better.

That should cover it.

5
The Vale Region / Re: Frostbite [Closed]
« on: October 09, 2017, 12:11:29 PM »
Walking towards the building, Savas' dark thoughts were interrupted abruptly by the question that Aurelia asked. Blinking for a moment as he was startled back to reality, he simply looked down at the smiling face that was looking up at him. Get yourself together man! he thought to himself. "Ngggrh...perhaps that could be it" he said simply as they finally made it to the door of the hall. "Suppose you can come in also" he stated simply as he pushed the doors open.



The hall of Clan Gladiis was what one would think as a simple hall: there was nothing too special that marked it. Crimson red banners hung on the walls down the stone hall with two long tables parallel to each other ran much of the length of the hall, separated by a blazing fire that warmed the room during the winter. At the far end of the room, a large chair with a desk in front of it was placed for the Head of the clan.
Hearing the door open, Rubra looked up to see who it was. Bout time she thought irritably as she watched the behemoth of a faunus walk in with Aurelia behind him. Motioning towards the other in the hall to leave, she kept her gaze on the two. Despite training him since he was a lad, his size was still a shocking sight to see. "I see you like to still keep me waiting after all these years?" she remarked, her eyes locked right at Savas' eyes as if drilling through his skull. Standing up from behind her desk, she walked around to stand in front of it. "Perhaps I should have a talk with the Headmaster to fix your tardiness, hm?" she added, waiting as the giant made his way to stand before her. "Kneel." she commanded, mostly because she didn't feel like arching her neck to look up at him. Seeing him comply, she looked straight into his eyes before looking over at Aurelia. "Good to see you Aurelia" she said, nodding slightly in acknowledgement to her before shooting her hard gaze back at Savas. After a moment of her gaze drilling deep into his eyes, she softened her eyes and simply gave him a hug. Even with him kneeling before her, he was still too big so that all she could do was put her arms around his waist as he simply knelt there before her, quiet as always. "Why didn't you come to see me after what happened? Or at least come back for Vigdus' funeral?" she asked softly.



Kneeling there before Rubra, Savas simply kept his head bowed slightly as she hugged him. Not hugging back, he tried his best to keep his composure as she inquired why he didn't return home. "Ngggrh...I figured Headmaster Alban had told you what happened" he said quietly. Despite him partially wishing that Aurelia wasn't around to witness this, he simply let it slide and let down his walls that blockaded the emotions in his heart from coming out. "I couldn't protect them" he said. Though his face still held a granite hard look, his voice clouded over with emotions. Clenching his fists, he bowed his head further. "They died because I was too weak to protect them...too weak to protect her." As his voice began to choke at the thought of Auburn, his eyes also began to slowly cloud over as he fought hard to stop the tears from falling. Inevitably, a single tear fell onto the shoulder of Rubra as she continued to simply hug him as a mother would a broken child.

6
The Vale Region / Re: Frostbite [Closed]
« on: September 30, 2017, 06:56:58 PM »
"Ngggrh" Savas snorted, suppressing a smirk that slightly creased across his face at her Grimm remark. He was sure that she had faced numerous Grimm that were bigger than he was. He thought about making a little joke about how eating Grimm would taste, but decided to remain quiet and continued to trudge on with a stoic expression. Each step he took made a continual crunch sound as he smashed the gravel deeper into the ground from his sheer weight. Though he had thought about wearing his lighter leather armor since he was simply coming home, he thought against it and wore his breastplate armor today. Appearance was crucial, especially here amidst all the other clans and he did not want to make it appear that he had gotten soft after leaving here.

"Ngggrh...not sure what she wants" Savas said simply after a brief pause. "Probably to inquire how Beacon is going for me" he added. Deep down, however, he had a feeling why she had called him back. She probably heard about what happened to my teammates he thought, doing his best to suppress the memories of the tragic event. Despite his best efforts, the memories flooded his mind as if it had just happened yesterday: the sight of blood in the snow as Vigdus breathed his last, a shocked look crossing his face. The screams that echoed through the trees as his teammates tried desperately to ward off the relentless attacks. The tears that fell from Auburn's eyes that were locked on to his own as she was killed after trying to protect him.

As the memories continued to run through his mind, Savas gritted his teeth as his expression took an even more impenetrable gaze. Clenching his fist briefly, he continued walking down the pavement as the main building for Clan Gladiis came into view. Let's get this over with... he thought as he squared his shoulders and moved on, forgetting for a moment that Aurelia was with him as he did his best to calm the storm in his heart before he came face to face with Rubra.

7
Approved Characters / Re: Mark Cassini
« on: September 27, 2017, 11:25:46 AM »
A normal character...from Nathan...WHAAAAAA?????? ;)

Approved 2 of 2.

8
The Vale Region / Re: Frostbite [Closed]
« on: September 24, 2017, 11:42:04 PM »
"Ngggrh. You've got a point." Savas muttered, finishing the remaining coffee in one big gulp. Standing up from his chair, he took note of Aurelia paying for his share of the bill. She's always had a friendly side to her he thought, scratching the back of his head briefly. "Thanks for covering my share" he stated, standing next to her. Would others look at the two of them, they would've seen the most strangest of pairs simply due to their size differences. Guess I shouldn't be so suspicious of her...she's just being herself he thought again, looking down at her. "Sorry if I seem upset at you" he murmured for her ears only, placing his left hand on the back of his neck. "I'm not" he added, trying to sound as sincere as he could, though it still came out as a rumble through his throat.

Taking a step forward, Savas began to make his way to the Clan Gladiis encampment and main hall, knowing that Rubra was waiting for him. "Think you can keep up?" he inquired loudly over the clanging of metal on metal coming from the blacksmiths. Shooting a quick glance to Aurelia, he continued onward, his feet making a loud thud with each step as it crushed the gravel pavement below.

9
The Vale Region / Re: Frostbite [Closed]
« on: September 22, 2017, 06:15:03 PM »
Listening to Aurelia's reply, Savas relaxed slightly. I guess Rubra wants to talk he thought to himself. Picking up his cup of coffee lightly so as to not crush it by accident, he drank some of the contents before placing the cup back down. "Ngggrh...you have a point on that" he remarked, trying his best to not sound too skeptical of her. Despite being on familiar terms with Aurelia, Savas still found it hard to befriend people, whether it was due to his sheer size or because of his desire to not grow close to people any longer. "I guess it would be good to visit home and see everyone" he added, his voice rumbling deeply in his throat.

Shrugging his shoulders to adjust Sandalphon and Metatron on his back, Savas turned his attention briefly to look at Aurelia. Despite not seeing her around all that much after she graduated from Beacon, she still looked the same as before. No matter how much he tried to keep his distance from people, there was something about her that made him want to look up to her and to listen to her like the old days. Doing his best to suppress his feelings, he did his best to keep his composure around his companion, if anything to at least look like he had grown up from the boy he once was that she knew. "And what about you?" he inquired, looking over at the blacksmiths for a moment before switching his gaze back on Aurelia. "Will you be visiting your old roots while here?" Gazing over his horn at her with penetrating olive green eyes, he picked up his cup again and took another drink from it.

10
The Vale Region / Re: Frostbite [Closed]
« on: September 22, 2017, 03:00:56 PM »
Despite the reassuring ringing of metal on metal from the blacksmith, the cold air surrounding him, and the familiarity of the building surrounding him, Savas couldn't help but scowl slightly over his folded arms as he sat across the table of the huntress before him. It wasn't the fact that he was home or Aurelia's little remark that had him on alert. No, those weren't the reasons for his mood. It was the fact that he was sitting at a cafe having a drink with a female and the fact that everyone around them might consider them a couple. Not to mention the fact that his companion today was a huntress. And so, as immature and stupid as the reason may be, it was enough to get him slightly on edge.

"Nggrh" he snorted, trying to keep a straight face. "I'll visit her later." Holding back on saying more, since he knew that Praetor Rubra already knew he was here, he simply looked down at his now cold cup of coffee. "What did you want of me?" he finally inquired after a moment of awkward silence. Despite never being on a mission together with her, he knew of Aurelia during his first year in Beacon. At the time of his first meeting with her, he was the hopeful Academy student that wanted nothing more than to learn as much as he could from his peers, including her since they were from the same town. Now, after three years of experience and loss, he was less hopeful and more resolved that he would forever be at war against the cruel world that was before him.

Holding nothing against her request to have him accompany her back to their hometown, Savas simply wanted to get this meeting over with as well as this visit home so that he could get back to Beacon and finish his final year there.

11
Approved Characters / Re: Micah Sere, AKA Prowler
« on: September 12, 2017, 01:25:43 PM »
Gonna be honest, the weapon is a pretty OP high-tech weapon. However, I trust you enough that you won't go too overboard with it. Just note that, should you go out of hand with it, you may be asked to nerf the weapon down. Just don't go TOO crazy with it and everything should be fine :)

Approved 2 of 2.

12
Approved Characters / Re: Melissa Eris
« on: September 12, 2017, 01:07:58 PM »
"I hear voices in my head, they counsel me, they understand, they talk to me..."

Don't mind me...that song came to mind. Anyways, seems fine to me. Approved 2 of 2.

13
Approved Characters / Re: Atlas Headmaster, Amarant Lovis
« on: September 12, 2017, 12:31:45 PM »
Looks good to me, not to mention interesting over all.

Approved 2 of 2.

14
Approved Characters / Re: Justice Montenegro
« on: August 02, 2017, 05:07:09 PM »
Interesting character. Wouldn't have expected any less from you though, Mike.

Approved 2 of 2.

15
Character Creation / Re: Silva Marquis
« on: August 02, 2017, 05:00:05 PM »
I'll take on the second review:

Semblance:
A few things here:
1. As it stands, there are no upper and lower limits to how this semblance can be used. Please explain it more in detail.
2. How long can she use it at a time?
3. What are the drawbacks/disadvantages to it?
4. Does this only affect herself or is it able to affect others? From the way it's worded, it sounds like she's able to use it on someone else, whether it be their person or their weapon(s).

That's about it. The semblance just needs a bit more explanation, even more so since this is your 6th character now.

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