I'm a patient person so 
Well that's good, I'm really not
As I've said before I'm still rather new to the site (and writing in general) so as far as in-depth reviews others may have to step in but I'll still gladly take a full look at it.
Name: Can be colored or not, entirely up to you
Age: good
Species and Gender: just missing a space between it and age, then good.
Occupation: good
Appearance: The image isn't loading for me for some reason so try to redo the link? Could just be an error on my end. Though I can see it as your avatar and always fantastic to have some art for it (something I've been looking into myself). Also good to see its in a spoiler box
Clothing: looks good to me as well
Lack of Affiliation: good (Writing that makes little sense but you get my point).
History:
- Disturbing is a nice change as it leaves the same impact but doesn't neceissarily have to be abnormal so no worldbuilding.
- Jasmine coin skips all the issues with enchanting and will be preserved. The other option here would be to have it be a figure, or a pressed flower (though that would still have some but a looot slower degredation).
- Syne Academy?
- Does her aunt and uncle still work there? Are they retired?
- Did she go to the academy or was she trained by her faimly outside of the school.
- 'Trained in marksmanship', but at the moment has no ranged weapons?
Personality: I'm not familiar with The Twilight Zone so that doesn't say much to me. I'd say maybe reorder this a bit so that you say something like "she often does X and Y which can come off as a bit strange to her peers" because at the moment we don't really know 'what' makes her strange or intriguing? Other than that I like the personality as it also talks about her mannerisms and how she presents herself which too many profiles don't (quickly checking if mine does...). Last thing here is that you need to address how she does academically.
Aura: What color is it? What do you mean by aura type speed?
Semblance: So this is where you can tie it into a single ability with multiple outcomes. F.eks rather than controlling two aspects of the weather she has control over environmental water. Now a lot of characters have elemental semblances, however the way you have described it isn't 'waterbending' instead her semblance lets her act on a much larger scale (strength) but with far less control (weakness), with the examples of rain and fog.
Combat Behavior: Missing something about her ranged capacity, does she still have the crossbow or is that gone now? If so that means she has a considerable weakness there as she needs to close the gap inorder to attack.
Weapon:
Name: good
Primary Form: the 'compact' form, what 'customization' does it offer? Says two weapon types though at the moment you just have the sword?
Secondary Form: the entire case becomes the blade and contains the leather strap inside it, or does that come from somewhere else? If it is in the case does it just drop out every time she makes the sword?
Tertiary Form: missing (don't have to have it of course)
Dust Functions: No dust capacity is another weakness to consider
Weapon History: Remove 'when', or reword that sentence. I'm also not a big fan of the cannot be copied, as that implies there is some technique that no one else has? If so that raises massive questions of where she got it.
You're getting really close to done as far as I'm seeing
, with the main thing left to wrap up the story (which I'm not the greatest at reviewing).
Poll
Topic: Jasmine Levesque. (Feedback appreciated! Updating accordingly~) (Read 12159 times)