Author Topic: Roux Palakiko  (Read 2308 times)

Flamenami

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Roux Palakiko
« on: March 08, 2019, 05:27:28 AM »
CHARACTER

Name: Roux Palakiko

Age: 17

Species and Gender: Male Human

Symbol: A portal. Two circles of different size, the smaller one inside the bigger one. In the space between the two circles, various runes, hieroglyphs, and other ancient languages.

Occupation: 1st Year Beacon Student

Appearance: Roux is a fair-skinned individual with messy dark brown hair and neon blue eyes, which are that colour due to his aura. He wears a hoodie with colour that matches his eyes, khaki shorts, and sneakers. When he uses his semblance, his eyes and palms glow neon blue.

History: Roux was born into a line of huntsmen and huntresses known for their exceptional skill with their hereditary semblance, portal manipulation. He trained at Signal Academy and decided to join Beacon as it was in Vale, where he lives. His parents raised him specifically not to be spoilt, making him work to earn things other than basic necessities. Thus, despite being raised in a rich and famous line of huntsmen and huntresses, he is very humble and down to earth.

Personality: Roux is a jocular character, always cracking jokes and playing pranks. He's a bit lazy when it comes to study, but can be serious if the situation calls for it, like when he or someone he cares about could potentially suffer serious injury.

Roux likes lame jokes, companionship, and making references, while he dislikes discrimination, prejudice, and homework. He has pteronophobia, but also has more normal fears, like his fear of cockroaches. His fears are can cause him to resort to overkill, like using his strongest blasts to take care of an individual that just happened to be a certain type of bug. this personality trait is one that most of his friends tease him for.

When he was younger, he was very impressionable, with the stories and legends he was told having an effect on him, and leading him to make decisions like fashioning his weapon, Kupua.

Aura and Semblance: Roux's aura manifests in a neon blue colour and he has the hereditary semblance of portal.

Portal allows Roux to do exactly what the name implies, create portals that, unlike standard portals, can’t be used for teleportation. Instead, he has portal blasts..

With portal blasts, Roux can fire off two different kinds of energy attacks by interacting with his portals - small blasts, strong blasts. Small blasts take up a minuscule amount of aura, and can cause normal opponents to stumble. Strong blasts are more powerful, taking up a slightly larger amount of aura and being able to kill off a minor Grimm with one shot.

Combat Behavior:  During combat, he's usually upbeat and making lame jokes and quips. However, when he's in a situation that is important to him or he can tell he is severely outmatched, he can be serious, and willing to sacrifice himself to achieve his goal.

He mainly relies on his semblance, the portal blasts, to deal damage, but does have his fish hook weapon that he uses as well for melee and ranged attacks. He focuses on trying not to get hit, since, despite his large aura, he can be easily sent flying with a well placed hit. Roux has a hard time against opponents that can easily close the gap between themselves and him, so he focuses on using the dust functions in his weapon, Kupua, to get away or send them away from him. Bulky opponents also cause a bit of an issue, as his most frequent attacks, small blasts, don’t do much but make them flinch, and a couple good hits can be the end of the him.

His attitude during battles is more than merely for comedy, however. He sometimes throws non-sequiturs and other nonsense into his speech in order to confuse his opponents long enough for him to land a good attack on them, where he pummels them with normal blasts.

WEAPON

Name: Kupua

Primary Form: Hawaiian Fish hook

Secondary Form: Machine Gun

Tertiary Form: Grappling Hook

Dust Functions: Primary Dust Functions:

Fire: Fire dust sees Kupua unleashing a pillar of flame in the direction at which the fish hook is pointed at. This is mainly used to do damage and obscure an enemy's vision, with Roux usually aiming the attack at an opponent's head.

Ice: Ice dust creates a spike of ice from the ground, freezing anything standing under it. It takes a few seconds to charge, though, so a skilled fighter can see it coming and dodge it. Roux mainly uses this to freeze his opponents in place to begin firing off his energy blasts.

Wind: Wind dust unleashes a powerful gale that blows in the direction that blows most anything away from it. In the case of something sturdy, like the ground, the gale can push Roux away from his opponents.

Lighting: Lightning dust creates sparks when being prepared and takes a full 15 seconds to charge. When ready, it fires off a powerful railgun-esque blast that deals incredible damage if it lands, which it usually doesn't. This is usually used with ice dust so that the opponent can't dodge the powerful attack.

Earth: Earth dust covers Kupua in powerful, hard to break stone, allowing it to hit harder and do more damage to opponents. It can also be used as a way to make Kupua an anchor, so that it falls to the floor, preferably on top of an enemy.

Gravity: Kupua's gravity dust function pushes Roux into the air, allowing him to form a portal and escape any harm.

Secondary Dust Functions:

Fire:  Replaces Kupua's bullets with fireballs that deal adequate damage and fire off just as rapidly as normal. This is used to melt ice dust and other frozen things, or to finish off matches if the need arises.

Ice: Same function as fire dust, but has sharp icicles instead of fireballs. These icicles can punch through a tree before shattering. Used to break through tough objects.

Wind: Fires off a barrage of rapid fire gusts that do not do damage, but instead knock the opponent around a bit. This adds an element of confusion that Roux gladly takes advantage of.

Lightning:  Lightning dust fires off a single ball of electricity that bursts into tiny, paralysing, but weak sparks. This can stun opponents and give Roux an opportunity to strike.

Earth: Earth dust fires off a few bullets. If they hits anything other than the ground... nothing happens. If the bullets do hit the ground though, they will create a sinkhole that can be used to throw off enemies.

Gravity: Gravity dust fires off a series of rapid fire bullets that send anything they hit back a little. Getting hit with the full brunt of this attack will send you far away from Roux.

Tertiary Dust Functions: None

History: Kupua is a hawaiian fish hook made of dust-reinforced steel, with a heavily reinforced piece of string acting as a rope, and is about 23 m long, with 3 m being the head, and 20 m being the string, fully extended. It was built based off of the myths and legends that Roux heard about famous demigods when he was a child. When he got the opportunity to craft his own weapon, he had to make a fish hook its main form to emulate a certain demigod from ancient Valean mythology. He decided on a machine gun because being pelted by bullets and other projectiles is distracting, a state of mind that can easily give your opponent, or in this case, Roux, an advantage. He also felt that rapid fire bullets would be useful with his fighting style. Roux knew that his fighting style required him to get away from his opponents, so what better tertiary form for Kupua than a grappling hook, able to latch on to faraway places and pull him there, away from his enemies. Kupua transforms into its machine gun form with the head turning into the gun, and the string being rolled up and stored away inside the weapon. Kupua can shoot with the average range for a machine gun in its secondary form, and can be thrown 20 m in its primary form and tertiary forms.
« Last Edit: March 12, 2019, 07:55:28 PM by Flamenami »
1st Year Beacon Student: Hu Shinku

MonsterManic

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Re: Roux Palakiko
« Reply #1 on: March 08, 2019, 09:42:18 AM »
Hello and welcome to the site! It seems you've gotten a chance to read through the rules for creating a character, and I understand that this may well be still incomplete, but there are some things I’d like to point out in order to help you create a character you can be proud of.

Firstly, it’s generally more helpful to the people you’ll be RPing with if they can visualise your character in better detail. This includes some more description for Roux’s appearance, like a general height, what his body shape is like, etc. Simply putting down barebones descriptions is fine but what makes your character stand out instead of looking like a general NPC?

The same would apply to Roux’s history and personality. Apart from more detail, teams are created by asking around and agreeing with others on the site, not defined in the profile. For Roux’s aura, it’s good to define a colour to work with, considering speech on the site is done “like this”. Otherwise, people will struggle to differentiate what Roux is saying and what you’re writing.

For his semblance, I'm not a mod but I do believe that something with the power to kill a dragon, even with severe drawbacks, is not something a 1st year can do. You'll have to ask mods for the details, but I'd recommend changing that for now.

You’ve got the basics down and I look forward to seeing how you continue to develop Roux! There are plenty of approved characters you can examine to get a better grasp on what the general standard of characters on the site are, and please feel free to ask the community for help (we don’t bite, mostly)
« Last Edit: March 08, 2019, 09:51:39 AM by MonsterManic »
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ReaperJoe

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Re: Roux Palakiko
« Reply #2 on: March 08, 2019, 01:47:05 PM »
Hi there, it looks like you found everything okay, so I'll just take a moment to add to what MonsterManic's already said.  Keep in mind, I'm also not a mod, so feel free to take whatever I say with a grain of salt.

So, MonsterManic already hit the nail on the head regarding appearance, so I'll leave that for now.  History, on the other hand, will probably require a good deal more elaboration.  Why does Roux prefer Vale over Mistral?  Has he ever been to Vale?  Is there something in Mistral/Haven that turns him off from staying?  It takes a lot to convince someone to uproot themselves and travel hundreds of miles away (especially considering there are man-eating monsters in this world that won't hesitate to rip hapless travelers limb from limb).

Personality could also use elaboration.  Describing something that sets him off or makes him happy would be a good start.  You could also go into more detail on what situations would warrant Roux's "serious mode", for lack of a better term.

Aura and Semblance is probably going to need the biggest overhaul.  Not even going into numbers; portals, blasts, and speed boosts could easily all be semblances on their own.  Reminder that I'm not a mod, but I'm 90% sure they're going to make you pick only one of those things.  Secondly, 1km portals that consume little aura is almost certainly going to need a hefty nerf.  From the way it sounds right now, Roux can easily get 4km away from any situation just by chaining portals in quick succession.  Or, he could potentially snipe someone from 1km away (outside the vast majority of character's threat range) with cheesy portal use.  Moving on to the blasts, like MonsterManic said, one-shotting a Dragon is probably not gonna fly, regardless of any supposed cost. 

Regarding Combat behavior, you say he uses his semblance to fight, but how does he use it?  How does he use his weapon?  You've listed a few weaknesses, but you'll probably need at least one or two more.

Kupua will also need bit more description, mostly things like how big is it, how much range does it have, how it transforms, and things like that.

If you have any questions, we have a discord server where we can answer questions you might have. 
Smokey Emberstone Beacon 1st Year and the Immovable Gunslinger of Team DASE "I've got more than enough firepower to beat you" "You've only got one bullet!" "Like I said, more than enough"

Aurelia Lumen Beacon 3rd year and the Warhorse of Team (TBD)  "Lay down your weapons, lest you wish to taste my steel!"

Wabul "Toast" Paka Shade 1st year and the Acrobatic Swashbuckler of Team (TBD)  "Hey, I'm gonna go jump off a bridge, who's with me?"

Lucas Meridiem Beacon 1st year and the Hermit of Team CLVS  "What's so great about 'bittersweet'?"

Clara Meridiem Beacon 1st year and the Blast Magician of Team (TBD) "No one likes just plain ol' bitter"

August Flare Beacon 1st year and the would-be ruler of the world "Join me, and witness the Brightest Future!"

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Flamenami

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Re: Roux Palakiko
« Reply #3 on: March 08, 2019, 05:50:57 PM »
Thank you for your feedback! I think I've fixed the mistakes you guys pointed out, but it would be greatly appreciated for someone to review the new edition of Roux Palakikio's character sheet!
« Last Edit: March 10, 2019, 05:59:52 AM by Flamenami »
1st Year Beacon Student: Hu Shinku

Kingnoname1

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Re: Roux Palakiko
« Reply #4 on: March 11, 2019, 08:00:24 AM »
A little more detail about Roux's personality and history would be nice, there has got to be other things you can tell us about him like his dislikes/fears/hates or what his home life was like if his parents are world famous Hunters and Huntresses.

As for the semblance the third stage still simply does too much damage, massive limitations aren't really enough in situations like this as the fact that Roux won't be able to do it again for a year is small comfort for the person whose character just got atomised. There is also an issue with plot threads as including Roux becomes difficult as he could always trivialise the climactic boss fight and just use his super mega death laser beam and kill the thing. Personally I would just remove it and stick with the two tiers of energy blasts.

Other than that it is coming together nicely.
No criticism is too harsh so hit me with your best shot.

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Flamenami

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Re: Roux Palakiko
« Reply #5 on: March 12, 2019, 07:57:03 PM »
Thanks for your feedback! I've edited Roux's profile and am ready for more ways to improve him as a character!
1st Year Beacon Student: Hu Shinku

MonsterManic

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Re: Roux Palakiko
« Reply #6 on: March 14, 2019, 07:00:28 AM »
Personally I would like to see some more detail on everything, that’s the only major gripe I have with Roux. Even though you’ve read our advice, it still feels barebones but it is an improvement upon the previous iteration.

One thing I will ask is that the weapon description be more than a namedrop of what it’s supposed to be. For example, is there any decorations on the hook? How large or long is it? Is there any sign of previous use eg. dents or scratches? How does the weapon transform/parts-form into its machine gun form? Etc, etc. I know Reaper has already mentioned this but it does bear repeating.
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Setsuna Antiqua - First Year Leader, Team ASTC - Chivalrous Shield

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Tieren Augus - First Year Student - Emotional Berserker

Kei Tsz Fung - Fourth Year Member, Team SARK - Silent Duelist

Lunae Terenas - Second Year Student - Unlimited Explosion Works

Graham Dylandy - First Year Member, Team LLGD - Technological Samurai

Jocelyn Antiqua - First Year Member, Team CASA - Combat Medic

Yu Nanhai - First Year Student - Lone Survivor

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Rachel Jonquil - First Year Student - Spirit Summoner

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