31
Approved Characters / Re: Graham Dylandy
« on: July 07, 2017, 10:12:38 AM »
What do you mean his family's descendants? It's his family. Doesn't that make him a descendant?
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32
MiA Characters / Re: Alabaster Corceran
« on: July 06, 2017, 11:17:05 AM »
GAH! MY REVIEW DIDN'T POST >~<
Name down to occupation is fine. Image not required for symbol and appearance but appreciated.
Please note that based on his weight, he is overweight. Also, do you mean dust infused or with a dust glamour?
Just to point out something in the character creation template.
Glamour: Dust can be cosmetically applied to clothing and equipment. These effects can also provide minor, non-combat based benefits. Adding Ice Dust Acrylics to your clothes can help keep you cool in the hot deserts of Vacuo, for example.
Infusion: Infusion is the archaic and highly dangerous system of utilizing Dust in combat. One can infuse Dust with their clothing, or even directly to their skin in order to gain the benefits of it. This is a wildly dangerous practice that, while not outlawed, is very rarely practiced.
History doesn't really have any major problem. Just seems like he'd be boring, and especially given that you have multiple characters already, it's a little expected of you to write better characters. Having someone that had straight A in both academics and combat, never lost to his peers (I'm assuming you mean peers here since it's fairly unlikely he can be that competent against higher years or actual hunters/huntresses or even large grim) while he was in Atlas seems a tad boring and unlikely. That said, I also find it difficult to imagine a second year being able to beat another student into a bloody pulp before the teacher would butt in, let alone allow him to actually break his opponents aura guard. Also, I also find it hard to believe that with such a violent record (and I think it's safe to say worse than Cardin given that he only did school grade pranks on the show) would be allowed into Beacon as a transferee.
Personality matches his history but wouldn't he get into trouble for constantly starting fights?
As for aura and semblance, I see you're going for a sparky sparky boom boom man approach. However, semblances are fueled by aura and/or cause tiredness/loss of stamina. The eye beam itself isn't necessarily a problem, it's the fact that it uses air as fuel. That isn't a thing. Not only are semblances fueled by aura/stamina but I can easily get two lungfuls of air in half a second, even while running at full sprint. Why would he ever use the smaller beam?
Combat behavior is alright but I have a few points. So he's doing a drunken boxer sort of deal where he pretends to be unwieldy and unpredictable but in reality, he's doing calculated moves? How physically strong is he? Also, i don't think range is his greatest weakness. He has a grenade launcher and lazer vision basically so he's decent in that department. That being said, he needs more weaknesses to keep him balance. So far, the only one I see is his poor defense without his shield (operative term being without. How often is he without his shield?). Also, a few more notes on how he actually fights. Strong and slow? Quick and weak? How good is he at fighting one on one? How about against a group? Against a large grimm? How does he work in a team? How good of a shot is he? A little more elaboration helps give a proper description.
In regards to the tenderizer, I'd like to point out that a traditional medieval mace measures 2-3 feet for foot soldiers (according to professor google). Can you describe it more? Patterns/color, general appearance? Triggers for the dust function/chain length? Size of the spikes and ball? Good description on how the clips work but a little more description with the dust functions.
-Fire - how large is the explosion? Is it a proper explosion or just a blast of fire?
-Ice - how large of an area does it freeze?
-Lightning- to what effect? Like a tazer? Stronger? Does it paralyze a person's entire body or just a limb?
-Force- how strong of a blast? Enough to knock back a car? Just a person?
Also, how many bullets/charges are there per clip? And I'm not sure if christmas exists in the RWBYverse.
In regards to Angurvadal, How large is it? If not in an exact measurement, is it enough to cover his entire body? Just the torso? And when you say strapped, meaning he can't let go of it? Or does it have a handle and a leather loop for his forearm? In the tertiary form, folds inwards meaning towards Alabaster or towards the opponent? Can you mention how he holds his weapons in the apperance section too? Also, you can take the link to the image itself and use the (url) tag to make it simple so someone doesn't have to load the whole page :3 In regards to the dust function, same thing. Size of explosion. Also, how strong is the pull of gravity on Alabaster? Does he attract objects larger/more massive than him? How long does the effect last? How far can it reach? How large is the blast radius? About the fore dust, what do you mean by the impact? Do you mean someone striking his shield and that causes an impact wave?
Lastly, you'll have to point out the pronunciation in threads if you want that to be a thing.
Name down to occupation is fine. Image not required for symbol and appearance but appreciated.
Please note that based on his weight, he is overweight. Also, do you mean dust infused or with a dust glamour?
Just to point out something in the character creation template.
Glamour: Dust can be cosmetically applied to clothing and equipment. These effects can also provide minor, non-combat based benefits. Adding Ice Dust Acrylics to your clothes can help keep you cool in the hot deserts of Vacuo, for example.
Infusion: Infusion is the archaic and highly dangerous system of utilizing Dust in combat. One can infuse Dust with their clothing, or even directly to their skin in order to gain the benefits of it. This is a wildly dangerous practice that, while not outlawed, is very rarely practiced.
History doesn't really have any major problem. Just seems like he'd be boring, and especially given that you have multiple characters already, it's a little expected of you to write better characters. Having someone that had straight A in both academics and combat, never lost to his peers (I'm assuming you mean peers here since it's fairly unlikely he can be that competent against higher years or actual hunters/huntresses or even large grim) while he was in Atlas seems a tad boring and unlikely. That said, I also find it difficult to imagine a second year being able to beat another student into a bloody pulp before the teacher would butt in, let alone allow him to actually break his opponents aura guard. Also, I also find it hard to believe that with such a violent record (and I think it's safe to say worse than Cardin given that he only did school grade pranks on the show) would be allowed into Beacon as a transferee.
Personality matches his history but wouldn't he get into trouble for constantly starting fights?
As for aura and semblance, I see you're going for a sparky sparky boom boom man approach. However, semblances are fueled by aura and/or cause tiredness/loss of stamina. The eye beam itself isn't necessarily a problem, it's the fact that it uses air as fuel. That isn't a thing. Not only are semblances fueled by aura/stamina but I can easily get two lungfuls of air in half a second, even while running at full sprint. Why would he ever use the smaller beam?
Combat behavior is alright but I have a few points. So he's doing a drunken boxer sort of deal where he pretends to be unwieldy and unpredictable but in reality, he's doing calculated moves? How physically strong is he? Also, i don't think range is his greatest weakness. He has a grenade launcher and lazer vision basically so he's decent in that department. That being said, he needs more weaknesses to keep him balance. So far, the only one I see is his poor defense without his shield (operative term being without. How often is he without his shield?). Also, a few more notes on how he actually fights. Strong and slow? Quick and weak? How good is he at fighting one on one? How about against a group? Against a large grimm? How does he work in a team? How good of a shot is he? A little more elaboration helps give a proper description.
In regards to the tenderizer, I'd like to point out that a traditional medieval mace measures 2-3 feet for foot soldiers (according to professor google). Can you describe it more? Patterns/color, general appearance? Triggers for the dust function/chain length? Size of the spikes and ball? Good description on how the clips work but a little more description with the dust functions.
-Fire - how large is the explosion? Is it a proper explosion or just a blast of fire?
-Ice - how large of an area does it freeze?
-Lightning- to what effect? Like a tazer? Stronger? Does it paralyze a person's entire body or just a limb?
-Force- how strong of a blast? Enough to knock back a car? Just a person?
Also, how many bullets/charges are there per clip? And I'm not sure if christmas exists in the RWBYverse.
In regards to Angurvadal, How large is it? If not in an exact measurement, is it enough to cover his entire body? Just the torso? And when you say strapped, meaning he can't let go of it? Or does it have a handle and a leather loop for his forearm? In the tertiary form, folds inwards meaning towards Alabaster or towards the opponent? Can you mention how he holds his weapons in the apperance section too? Also, you can take the link to the image itself and use the (url) tag to make it simple so someone doesn't have to load the whole page :3 In regards to the dust function, same thing. Size of explosion. Also, how strong is the pull of gravity on Alabaster? Does he attract objects larger/more massive than him? How long does the effect last? How far can it reach? How large is the blast radius? About the fore dust, what do you mean by the impact? Do you mean someone striking his shield and that causes an impact wave?
Lastly, you'll have to point out the pronunciation in threads if you want that to be a thing.
33
Approved Characters / Ashelynne Campbell
« on: July 05, 2017, 12:02:25 AM »
CHARACTER
Name: Ashelynne Campbell
Age: 19
Species and Gender: Female Sheep Faunus
Symbol:
Occupation: First year Beacon student
Appearance: Ashelynne has chin length brown hair, usually with a candy shaped clip, and warm brown eyes. Atop her head are two similarly colored sheep's ears, hanging low and to the side slightly. Her facial expression usually remains deadpan and lazy and will change according to her emotions but her eyes almost always remain the same sleepy, a little bit closed. Somewhat of an embarrassing subject to her, Ashe is slightly chubby, her cheeks and belly easily pinchable. She normally wears an incredibly soft blue sweater with a hood that is almost an inch thick to serve as an emergency pillow. Ashelynne also wears thick, white pajama pants, her fluffy brown tail sticking out the back, and black Mary Jane shoes. She almost always has her tool belt around her waist or nearby, filled with various tools such as chisels, screwdrivers, a hammer, measuring tape, gloves, and other carpentry tools as well as a basic first aid kit. The belt also has two loops at the bottom to hold her weapon behind her thighs. Height wise, she is 5'2".
History: Born in Mistral to a loving family, Ashelynne had a normal and warm childhood.From a tender age, she had a fascination with her father's work; carpentry. Always around the shop when he was building things or on site when he was working on a house, she patiently watched him work, usually falling asleep after a few minutes but dreaming of the same thing; building fantastic things. At times she would go into her father's work shop and tinker with his tools, building things such as birdhouses or shelves, an impressive feat for someone her age. Her mother's occupation, being a huntress, also fascinated her, falling asleep as a child to her stories of Grimm and fighting instead of the usual bedtime stories. When she slept, she dreamed of being a hunter, just like her mother, fighting Grimm alongside her and protecting the things she and her father built. Eventually, her want for the action she'd only dreamed about outweighed her want to build things and she aspired to take after her mother, attending Sanctum.
Throughout her years in Sanctum, she spent much of her time napping in class, even with the teacher yelling right at her. When it came to grades though, she was doing quite well, thus they had to allow her to sleep, whether they liked it or not. Even back then, she was as physical and affectionate as ever though. The only times when she was remotely awake was during walks between classes, training, eating, spending time with friends, and working on their weapons, maintenance on her tonfa having a similarly zen-like effect as carpentry did. After Sanctum, she moved to Ares Academy, one of the smaller and less intense hunter academies in Mistral, opting away from Haven academy as she didn't want to be 100% focused on being a huntress, wanting to do carpentry like her father as well.
Her time at Ares wasn't as pleasant as in Sanctum though. The first month of her first year there was fine. Happy, like the previous years. By the end of the month, she was friends with a big crowd, a lot of them being the more popular, rich, influential members of the school. On one afternoon, she was spending the end of the day with a 'friend'. Ashe slept on a bench, her head in his lap as he stroked her hair. As she woke up, she pulled him down to kiss him square in the lips. At the time, it was natural for her to do this to people, many of her friends having lost their first kiss to her. His girlfriend, Carry Eliot, didn't take too well to this though. The next week, Ashe found herself alone for the next two years. The girl was an influential student, a queen bee type of person. Rumors about Ashe spread, her belongings went 'missing' on a regular basis, and her 'friends' turned their backs. As the year went on, it became the norm to ignore her existence, even actively antagonizing her such as taking her desk, locking her in restrooms, stealing her home keys, and even dismantling her weapon. The real killer was during the middle of third year when out of the blue Ashe had her hand gripped in an iron vice. She found herself being yanked up the school's stairs and onto the roof by the boy that had started the whole debacle.
Carry Eliot's entourage was waiting, a dozen girls and half a dozen boys. As she asked what was going on, Ashe received a slap across the face and a knee to the gut. As she fell to the ground, two boys held her up by the hair on Carry's command. Crying, Ashe hung there as she was stripped naked, her clothes either cut by the girl's sword, cutting her in several places across her arms, chest, and legs, or simply being ripped off one by one and thrown over the edge. Eventually, she was let go to drop on the floor and mocked by her audience. Trying to cover herself up, two girls where commanded to run to her and spread her arms wide. Ashe's tear drops rolled down her cheeks as she had her head yanked by by the hair, exposing her face to the various cameras and scrolls that came up to document the event. Eventually getting tired of their game, Carry stood over Ashe's limp body and stepped on her chest, yelling at her to 'leave her alone'. As the group left, she stayed behind to grind her heel into Ashe before leaving and locking the door behind her. Huddling against the wall, Ashe stayed the cold night on the roof before a janitor opened it the next day. Running through the school, trying to cover as much of herself as possible, she ran home and never returned to Ares academy.
Wanting to get as far away as she could from her tormentors, Ashe and her family opted to move to Vale, far from any who might know her. True she would be delayed in her studies by two years wasted in Ares, but at least in Vale she had a clean slate.
Personality: ]Ashelynne's main personality trait is that she is sleepy. Almost always walking slowly and day dreaming, she lives to be unconcious, even falling asleep standing up at times simply because of the thought of sleep. This doesn't mean she is completely recluse and antisocial though. She enjoys company and others especially if she can nap in their presence, more so if she can nap on them. She easily gets close to people and doesn't understand the concept of a personal bubble too well. Either that or she doesn't care. When awake, Ashe has a fairly childish demeanor, being very touchy-feely and enjoying physical contact with little regard for personal space of others. She's not too used to romance though. Ashe is perfectly fine doing romantic or lovey-dovey things to people such as hugging and kissing. However, if someone were to do the something romantic/perverted to her, or if she even thought someone was doing that to her, she freaks out and gets protective of herself. Over time though, she gets used to it. If her affections suddenly drive someone that she grew to like away though, this sends her into a depressive state. Bullying has a similar effect on her, causing her to shrink and shy away wordlessly. Always dreaming, she speaks with a soft, sleepy voice. After a while at Beacon though, Ashe's personality has slowly gotten more and more chipper and perky. She has also gotten a new pet cat, Private Puffy Paws.
Aura and Semblance: In times of danger, Ashelynne's aura can flare out like an airbag in a ball around her, about 10 foot radius and appearing like fluffy, translucent light-yellow wool. The ball has the effect of dampening blunt force from an attack (e.g. a car, club, or large projectile) and slowing it down as if it were actually hitting wool and eventually stopping it if it continues. Bullets would be dampened but still travel, pushing into the cushiony mass of aura about 1 foot before stopping and falling through the aura ball to the floor.. The ball also has the effect of protecting her from impacts when falling from heights, able to cushion her if almost as if nothing had happened she falls from heights where normal aura protection would leave a hunter/huntress hurt. Other than her, most objects are kept out of the ball other than people she deems as no threat, which can pass through perfectly fine. This means that if she's standing in a room full of objects, they will be pushed aside or if they are too large, heavy, or immobile, Ashe and/or her ball will.
The down side is that the ball is vulnerable to cutting strikes and heavy piercing blows. Like this, chunks of the ball can be cut out, leaving her more vulnerable, the ball dissipating if most of it were cut off (i.e. a foot radius left). Once dissipated, a few minutes to be able to reform it at a smaller size, only 2 feet on all sides, leaving her vulnerable to any weapon longer than 2 feet. Ashe needs to rest properly to be able to bring it back to a full 10 foot radius. Another drawback is that it almost hinders her ability to fight. Though Ashe can "float" through her aura ball, moving through it as if she were swimming through water, it makes it difficult to move around. She can maneuver herself so that her feet are on the floor and most of her aura mass is behind her, allowing her some reach in front of her so that her weapon and arm can swing out of her ball but this means she has to be mindful of things behind her that can bump her cushion. This also means that she is less protected up front. If she wants to move her cushion while staying still, Ashe has to pull it with her arms.
Combat Behavior: Ashelynne has notable strength, being able to break reinforced concrete with her weapon and not get tired swinging it around. She also has a perceptive eye when it comes to measurements, able to tell distances, trajectories, travel times and ricocheting of projectiles from simply watching, though it must be slow enough for her to actually see. This allows her to pull off complicated trick shots with her bazooka (when using dumb rockets that don't explode on impact) and coupled with her faunus eyesight, makes a very good combination.
The main drawback of Ashe's weapon is that it is heavy. Though powerful, she cannot attack in quick succession like a normal tonfa would be able to, her attacks consisting of wide swings and a lot of upper body strength. This puts her at a disadvantage with more maneuverable opponents. Ashe also wears no armor, leaving her to rely on her aura and semblance for protection.
When fighting, Ashe prefers beating down larger and slower enemies, using her strength to match up with theirs and their slowness to make up for her lack of speedy combos. She works well in a team, serving as a "tank" to defend her comrades, sometimes throwing her semblance in their direction to protect them as well as providing suppressing fire with her bazooka.
WEAPON
Name: Pillow Fight
Primary Form: A 3 foot long tonfa, octagonal in shape an 6 inches in diameter, the grip having two triggers, one near the body for the bazooka function and one with a metal cover, to avoid accidental pressing, near the middle of the grip for the engine function. When holding the grip, the tonfa extends 6 inches in front of her hand and a foot and a half behind her elbow. It is made of metal and is very sturdy, able to take punishment without denting. About 8 inches from the grip is a foot long padded area for Ashe's shoulder when used as a bazooka and doubles as her 'emergency' pillow which she uses for naps.
Secondary Form: The front end of the tonfa opens up like a camera shutter, revealing it to be a bazooka, able to fire three magazines of six 6 inch rockets before the need to reload. The three magazines come out through three slots on the underside in the gap between the handle and the padding.
Tertiary Form: The rear end of the tonfa opens up like a camera shutter revealing an exhaust akin to a jet engine, aiding Ashelynne in her swings and allowing her to sit/stand atop the tonfa and ride it, the end scraping along the ground.
Dust Functions: As stated above.
History: Originally starting with a large hammer, Ashelynne eventually converted it into it's current form while she attended Sanctum. The hammer wasn't comfortable enough for her standards and annoyed her to no end when she needed something to rest her head on, going a little over board in the modifications.
Name: Ashelynne Campbell
Age: 19
Species and Gender: Female Sheep Faunus
Symbol:
Occupation: First year Beacon student
Appearance: Ashelynne has chin length brown hair, usually with a candy shaped clip, and warm brown eyes. Atop her head are two similarly colored sheep's ears, hanging low and to the side slightly. Her facial expression usually remains deadpan and lazy and will change according to her emotions but her eyes almost always remain the same sleepy, a little bit closed. Somewhat of an embarrassing subject to her, Ashe is slightly chubby, her cheeks and belly easily pinchable. She normally wears an incredibly soft blue sweater with a hood that is almost an inch thick to serve as an emergency pillow. Ashelynne also wears thick, white pajama pants, her fluffy brown tail sticking out the back, and black Mary Jane shoes. She almost always has her tool belt around her waist or nearby, filled with various tools such as chisels, screwdrivers, a hammer, measuring tape, gloves, and other carpentry tools as well as a basic first aid kit. The belt also has two loops at the bottom to hold her weapon behind her thighs. Height wise, she is 5'2".
History: Born in Mistral to a loving family, Ashelynne had a normal and warm childhood.From a tender age, she had a fascination with her father's work; carpentry. Always around the shop when he was building things or on site when he was working on a house, she patiently watched him work, usually falling asleep after a few minutes but dreaming of the same thing; building fantastic things. At times she would go into her father's work shop and tinker with his tools, building things such as birdhouses or shelves, an impressive feat for someone her age. Her mother's occupation, being a huntress, also fascinated her, falling asleep as a child to her stories of Grimm and fighting instead of the usual bedtime stories. When she slept, she dreamed of being a hunter, just like her mother, fighting Grimm alongside her and protecting the things she and her father built. Eventually, her want for the action she'd only dreamed about outweighed her want to build things and she aspired to take after her mother, attending Sanctum.
Throughout her years in Sanctum, she spent much of her time napping in class, even with the teacher yelling right at her. When it came to grades though, she was doing quite well, thus they had to allow her to sleep, whether they liked it or not. Even back then, she was as physical and affectionate as ever though. The only times when she was remotely awake was during walks between classes, training, eating, spending time with friends, and working on their weapons, maintenance on her tonfa having a similarly zen-like effect as carpentry did. After Sanctum, she moved to Ares Academy, one of the smaller and less intense hunter academies in Mistral, opting away from Haven academy as she didn't want to be 100% focused on being a huntress, wanting to do carpentry like her father as well.
Her time at Ares wasn't as pleasant as in Sanctum though. The first month of her first year there was fine. Happy, like the previous years. By the end of the month, she was friends with a big crowd, a lot of them being the more popular, rich, influential members of the school. On one afternoon, she was spending the end of the day with a 'friend'. Ashe slept on a bench, her head in his lap as he stroked her hair. As she woke up, she pulled him down to kiss him square in the lips. At the time, it was natural for her to do this to people, many of her friends having lost their first kiss to her. His girlfriend, Carry Eliot, didn't take too well to this though. The next week, Ashe found herself alone for the next two years. The girl was an influential student, a queen bee type of person. Rumors about Ashe spread, her belongings went 'missing' on a regular basis, and her 'friends' turned their backs. As the year went on, it became the norm to ignore her existence, even actively antagonizing her such as taking her desk, locking her in restrooms, stealing her home keys, and even dismantling her weapon. The real killer was during the middle of third year when out of the blue Ashe had her hand gripped in an iron vice. She found herself being yanked up the school's stairs and onto the roof by the boy that had started the whole debacle.
Carry Eliot's entourage was waiting, a dozen girls and half a dozen boys. As she asked what was going on, Ashe received a slap across the face and a knee to the gut. As she fell to the ground, two boys held her up by the hair on Carry's command. Crying, Ashe hung there as she was stripped naked, her clothes either cut by the girl's sword, cutting her in several places across her arms, chest, and legs, or simply being ripped off one by one and thrown over the edge. Eventually, she was let go to drop on the floor and mocked by her audience. Trying to cover herself up, two girls where commanded to run to her and spread her arms wide. Ashe's tear drops rolled down her cheeks as she had her head yanked by by the hair, exposing her face to the various cameras and scrolls that came up to document the event. Eventually getting tired of their game, Carry stood over Ashe's limp body and stepped on her chest, yelling at her to 'leave her alone'. As the group left, she stayed behind to grind her heel into Ashe before leaving and locking the door behind her. Huddling against the wall, Ashe stayed the cold night on the roof before a janitor opened it the next day. Running through the school, trying to cover as much of herself as possible, she ran home and never returned to Ares academy.
Wanting to get as far away as she could from her tormentors, Ashe and her family opted to move to Vale, far from any who might know her. True she would be delayed in her studies by two years wasted in Ares, but at least in Vale she had a clean slate.
Personality: ]Ashelynne's main personality trait is that she is sleepy. Almost always walking slowly and day dreaming, she lives to be unconcious, even falling asleep standing up at times simply because of the thought of sleep. This doesn't mean she is completely recluse and antisocial though. She enjoys company and others especially if she can nap in their presence, more so if she can nap on them. She easily gets close to people and doesn't understand the concept of a personal bubble too well. Either that or she doesn't care. When awake, Ashe has a fairly childish demeanor, being very touchy-feely and enjoying physical contact with little regard for personal space of others. She's not too used to romance though. Ashe is perfectly fine doing romantic or lovey-dovey things to people such as hugging and kissing. However, if someone were to do the something romantic/perverted to her, or if she even thought someone was doing that to her, she freaks out and gets protective of herself. Over time though, she gets used to it. If her affections suddenly drive someone that she grew to like away though, this sends her into a depressive state. Bullying has a similar effect on her, causing her to shrink and shy away wordlessly. Always dreaming, she speaks with a soft, sleepy voice. After a while at Beacon though, Ashe's personality has slowly gotten more and more chipper and perky. She has also gotten a new pet cat, Private Puffy Paws.
Aura and Semblance: In times of danger, Ashelynne's aura can flare out like an airbag in a ball around her, about 10 foot radius and appearing like fluffy, translucent light-yellow wool. The ball has the effect of dampening blunt force from an attack (e.g. a car, club, or large projectile) and slowing it down as if it were actually hitting wool and eventually stopping it if it continues. Bullets would be dampened but still travel, pushing into the cushiony mass of aura about 1 foot before stopping and falling through the aura ball to the floor.. The ball also has the effect of protecting her from impacts when falling from heights, able to cushion her if almost as if nothing had happened she falls from heights where normal aura protection would leave a hunter/huntress hurt. Other than her, most objects are kept out of the ball other than people she deems as no threat, which can pass through perfectly fine. This means that if she's standing in a room full of objects, they will be pushed aside or if they are too large, heavy, or immobile, Ashe and/or her ball will.
The down side is that the ball is vulnerable to cutting strikes and heavy piercing blows. Like this, chunks of the ball can be cut out, leaving her more vulnerable, the ball dissipating if most of it were cut off (i.e. a foot radius left). Once dissipated, a few minutes to be able to reform it at a smaller size, only 2 feet on all sides, leaving her vulnerable to any weapon longer than 2 feet. Ashe needs to rest properly to be able to bring it back to a full 10 foot radius. Another drawback is that it almost hinders her ability to fight. Though Ashe can "float" through her aura ball, moving through it as if she were swimming through water, it makes it difficult to move around. She can maneuver herself so that her feet are on the floor and most of her aura mass is behind her, allowing her some reach in front of her so that her weapon and arm can swing out of her ball but this means she has to be mindful of things behind her that can bump her cushion. This also means that she is less protected up front. If she wants to move her cushion while staying still, Ashe has to pull it with her arms.
Combat Behavior: Ashelynne has notable strength, being able to break reinforced concrete with her weapon and not get tired swinging it around. She also has a perceptive eye when it comes to measurements, able to tell distances, trajectories, travel times and ricocheting of projectiles from simply watching, though it must be slow enough for her to actually see. This allows her to pull off complicated trick shots with her bazooka (when using dumb rockets that don't explode on impact) and coupled with her faunus eyesight, makes a very good combination.
The main drawback of Ashe's weapon is that it is heavy. Though powerful, she cannot attack in quick succession like a normal tonfa would be able to, her attacks consisting of wide swings and a lot of upper body strength. This puts her at a disadvantage with more maneuverable opponents. Ashe also wears no armor, leaving her to rely on her aura and semblance for protection.
When fighting, Ashe prefers beating down larger and slower enemies, using her strength to match up with theirs and their slowness to make up for her lack of speedy combos. She works well in a team, serving as a "tank" to defend her comrades, sometimes throwing her semblance in their direction to protect them as well as providing suppressing fire with her bazooka.
WEAPON
Name: Pillow Fight
Primary Form: A 3 foot long tonfa, octagonal in shape an 6 inches in diameter, the grip having two triggers, one near the body for the bazooka function and one with a metal cover, to avoid accidental pressing, near the middle of the grip for the engine function. When holding the grip, the tonfa extends 6 inches in front of her hand and a foot and a half behind her elbow. It is made of metal and is very sturdy, able to take punishment without denting. About 8 inches from the grip is a foot long padded area for Ashe's shoulder when used as a bazooka and doubles as her 'emergency' pillow which she uses for naps.
Secondary Form: The front end of the tonfa opens up like a camera shutter, revealing it to be a bazooka, able to fire three magazines of six 6 inch rockets before the need to reload. The three magazines come out through three slots on the underside in the gap between the handle and the padding.
Tertiary Form: The rear end of the tonfa opens up like a camera shutter revealing an exhaust akin to a jet engine, aiding Ashelynne in her swings and allowing her to sit/stand atop the tonfa and ride it, the end scraping along the ground.
Dust Functions: As stated above.
History: Originally starting with a large hammer, Ashelynne eventually converted it into it's current form while she attended Sanctum. The hammer wasn't comfortable enough for her standards and annoyed her to no end when she needed something to rest her head on, going a little over board in the modifications.
34
Approved Characters / Re: Graham Dylandy
« on: July 04, 2017, 09:24:18 AM »
Hi there! Sorry, hadn't realized you'd posted. The rest is good but that last paragraph is part of it. Had a little screw up with the post.
35
The Vale Region / Re: Shield Bros! [Closed]
« on: July 01, 2017, 11:48:11 AM »
"Yeesh." He winced internally, seeing how the girl had to take a second to recover, "Sorry about that. A howl ripping through the sunset sky turned his attention back to the force of grimm they were about to face. Lookslike a pack of beowolves again. A few ursa. "Looks like we got a little bit of a challenge, Lix."He called out to his partner, cut off by an ear piercing shriek. With his semblance on, it brought Eli to his knees. He needed a second to regain his composure, quickly slipping on his headphones. "Nevermore. Looks like we have a bit more on our plate. You hungry?"
36
Approved Characters / Re: Graham Dylandy
« on: June 28, 2017, 11:22:03 PM »
Alright, well, given that the harness has no real basis on anything, that would make it unrealistic, wouldn't it? D: Also, again, that'd limit mobility which is probably needed by a hunter, especially one wearing a tailcoat. So far on the show we've seen girls fighting in skirts and guys fighting in fine dress wear and none of them need harnesses so I don't know where you're coming from.
Ah, my bad then. It's in the lexicon as both greyed and great, it seems.
Also, I find it rather hard to believe that some family could fight in a war against dust users with medieval gear. This'll need an explanation.
So changes made, he started training at 10 and started sparring at 13? That I can understand as long as he isn't "one teen can take down an entire gang." He can spar at that age but he'll still be a thirteen year old. Another note, when did he unlock his aura? If he unlocked it AFTER he started sparring with a metal sword, that's a no. That can cause serious injury but if his aura protection is activated, that'll be allowable. Though I'd like you to put a period of transition for him getting used to the weight of it compared to the wooden sword he trained with.
About the stamina usage, 5% of his stamina is a 5 minute jog? So using 100% of his stamina would mean he can jog only for an hour and a half or so? I'd say remove the 5%. Saying that it makes him feel like he took a 5 minute jog is good enough I think.
Ah, that clears things up. AGAINST axes and hammers, not with them. When you say butterfly knife tricks, do you mean with his tachi or with his tanto? It wasn't specified and as someone reading his history (The major weapon mentioned being the tachi) I thought he was doing tricks with the tachi. Maybe clarify that in the profile.
Alright, given another person signed off on it, I'll give the weapon a pass on the "similar to adam's" front. Still, you didn't answer the other questions. Dust functions look balanced to me but are the canisters good for only one strike? What if he misses (Like rather that striking the opponent and freezing them, the sword swings through thin air? Does it spray ice everywhere in front of him)?
Another thing is the fact that he managed to take his family heirloom and get it retrofitted with new gadgets without his family noticing? Also, why did his family condone him going to Beacon if they're against all the new fangled technowhatsits? Last bump that I can find with history for now is that he's 15 and entering Beacon. First years are usually 17-18.
Ah, my bad then. It's in the lexicon as both greyed and great, it seems.
Also, I find it rather hard to believe that some family could fight in a war against dust users with medieval gear. This'll need an explanation.
So changes made, he started training at 10 and started sparring at 13? That I can understand as long as he isn't "one teen can take down an entire gang." He can spar at that age but he'll still be a thirteen year old. Another note, when did he unlock his aura? If he unlocked it AFTER he started sparring with a metal sword, that's a no. That can cause serious injury but if his aura protection is activated, that'll be allowable. Though I'd like you to put a period of transition for him getting used to the weight of it compared to the wooden sword he trained with.
About the stamina usage, 5% of his stamina is a 5 minute jog? So using 100% of his stamina would mean he can jog only for an hour and a half or so? I'd say remove the 5%. Saying that it makes him feel like he took a 5 minute jog is good enough I think.
Ah, that clears things up. AGAINST axes and hammers, not with them. When you say butterfly knife tricks, do you mean with his tachi or with his tanto? It wasn't specified and as someone reading his history (The major weapon mentioned being the tachi) I thought he was doing tricks with the tachi. Maybe clarify that in the profile.
Alright, given another person signed off on it, I'll give the weapon a pass on the "similar to adam's" front. Still, you didn't answer the other questions. Dust functions look balanced to me but are the canisters good for only one strike? What if he misses (Like rather that striking the opponent and freezing them, the sword swings through thin air? Does it spray ice everywhere in front of him)?
Another thing is the fact that he managed to take his family heirloom and get it retrofitted with new gadgets without his family noticing? Also, why did his family condone him going to Beacon if they're against all the new fangled technowhatsits? Last bump that I can find with history for now is that he's 15 and entering Beacon. First years are usually 17-18.
37
Approved Characters / Re: Yona (Ngeā) Bron
« on: June 28, 2017, 10:35:56 PM »
Praise be, indeed.
Explanation accepted.
Approved 1/2
Explanation accepted.
Approved 1/2
38
The Vale Region / Re: Shield Bros! [Closed]
« on: June 27, 2017, 10:17:55 PM »
Eli panted, his chest and shoulders heaving up and down. In and out. Looking down at the winded girl, he nodded and knelt beside her, putting a hand on her shoulder and giving it a squeeze. "Alright, break." He said, turning to look around. Turning his semblance back on and slipping his goggles over his eyes, the mechanist spotted black shadows darting through the windows of the buildings as well as some more burly ones lumbering through the incomplete office spaces. Beowolves and alphas probably. Maybe ursas. A roar that seemed to close for comfort confirmed that the bear grimm were around. "They're here. You ready, Lix?'" He turned to look at her with a confident look on his face, lips pressed into a firm line that curled up at the ends into a reassuring smile as if he hadn't just beaten the poor girl into submission.
39
Approved Characters / Re: Graham Dylandy
« on: June 27, 2017, 11:10:42 AM »
For name, any color reference there? Not required but just curious.
Age down to occupation are good but if you can, an image for the symbol would be really appreciated. Not required though.
Name: Graham Dylandy
As for appearance, hate to break it to you but a fair number of students/characters stand at 5'10" or taller so being 5'11" isn't really "taller than most people his age". Also, what is tanned whitish? As for attire, is there any basis on where you got the idea for that harness? I've never heard of something like that. Also, wouldn't something like that limit mobility? Side note, you can use (spoiler)(img)place link here(/img)(/spoiler) for the image. That being said, images of your character's appearance would be appreciated but again, not necessary.
With history, what IS the greyed war? Are you confusing it with the Great War? Also, I find it rather hard to believe that some family could fight in a war against dust users with medieval gear. i'll let it slide though that this could be a small war. A big or multi national conflict would definitely register in history and that means other characters should probably know about it. However, depending on the parties involved, I can see it not being a well known fact. There are probably a bunch of wars that have been fought that neither of us know about. Also, "techniques stayed the same" sounds really unlikely in a world where people with swords that fire bullets are a thing. Also, there's only one tachi? So only one person in the family is a hunter at any given time?
Iaijutsu allowed because Adam.
Big thing here. He started training at age seven? Most seven year olds can't even focus for that long. How he could practice movements in "endless repetition" AND study at night, I have know idea. That's not even counting that the average kid needs at least 8 hours of sleep. How he manages to fit all that, I don't know.
"It would be 3 years before his father deemed him ready to move on to actual sparring" So he's ten at this point. He's sparring with a metal sword? That seems irresponsibly dangerous (especially if he hadn't unlocked his aura yet). Though there are 10 year olds that do practice similar stuff, I would like to argue that they are few and far in between.
I will admit though that it does make sense though that sparring in any respect after just practicing movements would be bad. Also props to you for noting that he has no smithing experience whatsoever and can't really make a new weapon.
Another thing is the fact that he managed to take his family heirloom and get it retrofitted with new gadgets without his family noticing? Also, why did his family condone him going to Beacon if they're against all the new fangled technowhatsits? Last bump that I can find with history for now is that he's 15 and entering Beacon. First years are usually 17-18.
Personality seems good enough.
For semblance, it's kinda hard to quantify stamina in terms of percentage. Maybe something like "it tires him a bit" or something along those lines would be more appropriate. Not only that but it's also hard to quantify 1/3 damage other than aura reserves outside of regulated battles with aura monitors. Good balance with the line of sight. I think 10-15 seconds might be too short to be effective in many situations but because he's a first year, that makes a lot of sense. My only question left for now is when did he unlock it?
Combat behavior seems really fleshed out. Biggest question. How do you butterfly knife trick a tachi. Other questions include how is he proficient with axes or hammers if he only trained with the tachi? if he's good at one on one, how is he in a team fight? The rest seems really solid. Good job on a well written combat behavior.
Regarding weapons. According to Professor Google, his tachi is a tad shorter than average. Any reason for that? Dust functions look balanced to me but are the canisters good for only one strike? What if he misses? Good detail on that ice dust effect.
The biggest problem I see with the weapon is proper formatting on the images and it's really similar to Adam's weapon.
All in all.
Age down to occupation are good but if you can, an image for the symbol would be really appreciated. Not required though.
Name: Graham Dylandy
As for appearance, hate to break it to you but a fair number of students/characters stand at 5'10" or taller so being 5'11" isn't really "taller than most people his age". Also, what is tanned whitish? As for attire, is there any basis on where you got the idea for that harness? I've never heard of something like that. Also, wouldn't something like that limit mobility? Side note, you can use (spoiler)(img)place link here(/img)(/spoiler) for the image. That being said, images of your character's appearance would be appreciated but again, not necessary.
With history, what IS the greyed war? Are you confusing it with the Great War? Also, I find it rather hard to believe that some family could fight in a war against dust users with medieval gear. i'll let it slide though that this could be a small war. A big or multi national conflict would definitely register in history and that means other characters should probably know about it. However, depending on the parties involved, I can see it not being a well known fact. There are probably a bunch of wars that have been fought that neither of us know about. Also, "techniques stayed the same" sounds really unlikely in a world where people with swords that fire bullets are a thing. Also, there's only one tachi? So only one person in the family is a hunter at any given time?
Iaijutsu allowed because Adam.
Big thing here. He started training at age seven? Most seven year olds can't even focus for that long. How he could practice movements in "endless repetition" AND study at night, I have know idea. That's not even counting that the average kid needs at least 8 hours of sleep. How he manages to fit all that, I don't know.
"It would be 3 years before his father deemed him ready to move on to actual sparring" So he's ten at this point. He's sparring with a metal sword? That seems irresponsibly dangerous (especially if he hadn't unlocked his aura yet). Though there are 10 year olds that do practice similar stuff, I would like to argue that they are few and far in between.
I will admit though that it does make sense though that sparring in any respect after just practicing movements would be bad. Also props to you for noting that he has no smithing experience whatsoever and can't really make a new weapon.
Another thing is the fact that he managed to take his family heirloom and get it retrofitted with new gadgets without his family noticing? Also, why did his family condone him going to Beacon if they're against all the new fangled technowhatsits? Last bump that I can find with history for now is that he's 15 and entering Beacon. First years are usually 17-18.
Personality seems good enough.
For semblance, it's kinda hard to quantify stamina in terms of percentage. Maybe something like "it tires him a bit" or something along those lines would be more appropriate. Not only that but it's also hard to quantify 1/3 damage other than aura reserves outside of regulated battles with aura monitors. Good balance with the line of sight. I think 10-15 seconds might be too short to be effective in many situations but because he's a first year, that makes a lot of sense. My only question left for now is when did he unlock it?
Combat behavior seems really fleshed out. Biggest question. How do you butterfly knife trick a tachi. Other questions include how is he proficient with axes or hammers if he only trained with the tachi? if he's good at one on one, how is he in a team fight? The rest seems really solid. Good job on a well written combat behavior.
Regarding weapons. According to Professor Google, his tachi is a tad shorter than average. Any reason for that? Dust functions look balanced to me but are the canisters good for only one strike? What if he misses? Good detail on that ice dust effect.
The biggest problem I see with the weapon is proper formatting on the images and it's really similar to Adam's weapon.
All in all.
40
Approved Characters / Re: Yona (Ngeā) Bron
« on: June 27, 2017, 05:01:33 AM »
Given Neo's height of 4'10", I'll have to give the height a pass. Just know it'll have repercussions with reach.
As for history, it makes sense that the only way they'd be accepted into a high status would be if they provide something that only they can. You'll have to take that into account with her personality and the way she treats racial bias. Something like that proooooobably leaves a lasting impact on a kid growing up. As for their dives to local joints for music, maybe point out if they're faunus only places. That'd make sense.
Personality is alright but again, history takes a toll on personality. She was abused and disowned by her dad and lived in a racist city against her kind. That stuff leaves scars.
As for semblance, you mention that she takes the shadows of a living creature. I would so she can summon one and give it an order and forget about it, allowing her to summon another? How complex of a command would it be? Like "strike at their left leg" or just plain "attack!" ? Also you mention "she can control up to 7 shadows at a time." That contradicts the previous statement. Did you mean she can manifest seven at a time but only one is taking active mental control? Also, I'd like to correct myself. Using a semblance does not directly drain aura reserves so that can be excluded.Also, you failed to answer the last one. If they're charged with dust, does the dust effect dissipate when they attack something or when the shadow "dies"? Like if they're charged with ice dust, do they have to get "recharged" if they attack? And if they dissipate, does the effect just poof into thin air and nothing happens or does it release that charged energy? Other than that, I'd recommend you limit her semblance to smaller creatures. Bewolves or ursa at most. Give her time to grow and develop her semblance to take on bigger shadows like deathstalkers in higher years (Wise advice from Gus).
Again regarding combat, how did she get into a combat school if her physical abilities aren't good. She got through it with her semblance but her semblance only activated AFTER she was in school already so a little explanation needed there. Good balance of avoiding combat and having others fight for her to make up for her lack of fighting skill on her own but I would argue that she has to have at least some know how considering she's in a combat oriented profession. I'd like some indication of how she'd fair WITHOUT her semblance please.
Also, how is she with her weapon? Is she a good shot? This is pretty important.
Speaking of her weapon, how durable is the umbrella form? Bullet proof? Reinforced to be able to take a lot of weight/force? And maybe add a bit more about the appearance. Color, markings, size, etc. Makes good detail for RP. She carries 2 clip of ice bullets with her so a total of 30 shots of ice dust? And ah, good description on the actual ice effect. So a small patch of ice.
As for history, it makes sense that the only way they'd be accepted into a high status would be if they provide something that only they can. You'll have to take that into account with her personality and the way she treats racial bias. Something like that proooooobably leaves a lasting impact on a kid growing up. As for their dives to local joints for music, maybe point out if they're faunus only places. That'd make sense.
Personality is alright but again, history takes a toll on personality. She was abused and disowned by her dad and lived in a racist city against her kind. That stuff leaves scars.
As for semblance, you mention that she takes the shadows of a living creature. I would so she can summon one and give it an order and forget about it, allowing her to summon another? How complex of a command would it be? Like "strike at their left leg" or just plain "attack!" ? Also you mention "she can control up to 7 shadows at a time." That contradicts the previous statement. Did you mean she can manifest seven at a time but only one is taking active mental control? Also, I'd like to correct myself. Using a semblance does not directly drain aura reserves so that can be excluded.Also, you failed to answer the last one. If they're charged with dust, does the dust effect dissipate when they attack something or when the shadow "dies"? Like if they're charged with ice dust, do they have to get "recharged" if they attack? And if they dissipate, does the effect just poof into thin air and nothing happens or does it release that charged energy? Other than that, I'd recommend you limit her semblance to smaller creatures. Bewolves or ursa at most. Give her time to grow and develop her semblance to take on bigger shadows like deathstalkers in higher years (Wise advice from Gus).
Again regarding combat, how did she get into a combat school if her physical abilities aren't good. She got through it with her semblance but her semblance only activated AFTER she was in school already so a little explanation needed there. Good balance of avoiding combat and having others fight for her to make up for her lack of fighting skill on her own but I would argue that she has to have at least some know how considering she's in a combat oriented profession. I'd like some indication of how she'd fair WITHOUT her semblance please.
Also, how is she with her weapon? Is she a good shot? This is pretty important.
Speaking of her weapon, how durable is the umbrella form? Bullet proof? Reinforced to be able to take a lot of weight/force? And maybe add a bit more about the appearance. Color, markings, size, etc. Makes good detail for RP. She carries 2 clip of ice bullets with her so a total of 30 shots of ice dust? And ah, good description on the actual ice effect. So a small patch of ice.
41
The Vale Region / Re: Shield Bros! [Closed]
« on: June 25, 2017, 11:23:15 AM »
Eli learned to appreciate his semblance much more when Lix managed to butt her head against his abdomen. Without his enhanced senses the world seemed so dull. Like a vibrant painting bleached of color under years of exposure to the sun. Things seemed to move quicker too, like he found it more difficult to track objects in motion. Was he really THAT reliant on his semblance? He had to make up for it. Having her head by his stomach made that a bit easier though. Lifting his arms, he gripped the edge of his shield in his free and and thrust it downwards at Lix's head.
42
The Vale Region / Re: Shield Bros! [Closed]
« on: June 24, 2017, 11:59:42 PM »
Eli's shield-punch connected and he winced along with her. That looked like it hurt pretty bad, even with aura. His shield WAS fairly heavy and dense so that made sense at least. Eli didn't let up, keeping his offense steady and unyielding. He followed his shield-jab with a spinning backhanded strike towards Lix's ribs, around the barrier of her shield hopefully, his leather shoes skidding dryly on the worn concrete flooring they stood on. A howl broke out from his right. It sounded distant but it was close enough to herald their approach. "Let's keep this up a bit longer," he said as his shield connected. Whether it was with Lix's side or something else, he wasn't sure.
43
The Vale Region / Re: Shield Bros! [Closed]
« on: June 22, 2017, 06:02:28 AM »
Eli rolled his shoulders for a satisfying pop of his joints. Adjusting his shield so its edge extending a bit farther in front of his fist, Eli got into a boxing stance, feet squared and hands up, taking his shield's diameter into account. Coming up with his own plan, he watched her fly into the air, timing it right, and ducking low before springing up to shoot a punch at her. It was a fake out. The real attack came in the form of a haymaker with his shield hand.
44
The Vale Region / Re: Shield Bros! [Closed]
« on: June 22, 2017, 05:14:02 AM »
"HMPH!" With a grunt, Eli slammed his shield into hers, metal grinding on metal and weight forced against weight. Eli could feel the shields grind against each other as his opponent stooped low to the cracked concrete and maneuvered her shield behind his. Uttering a curse, he pulled his shield up, lifting his arms into the air and away from the incoming spikes. He fell backwards, landing on his hands and kicking off the face of Lix's shield into a backwards roll and back onto his feet. "Quick reflexes." He called out to her, running in again, this time spinning to slash his shield edge against her knees.
45
The Vale Region / Re: Shield Bros! [Closed]
« on: June 22, 2017, 04:54:20 AM »
Wind rolled through the square and the area went quiet, the sounds of rustling dry grass being the only noise either of them could here. With his semblance turned off, Eli almost felt like he had a handicap rather than being without his advantage. Some days he felt he was too reliant on his gift. "Alright." He nodded, eyeing her gauntlet cautiously. Even with a layer off aura serving as his armor, her explosions would still hurt. Best to avoid it then. "Go!" He soon bellowed, darting forwards at a full on sprint, shield poised in front of him like a battering ram on the front of a train. Shame he couldn't use his boosters.