[ZyxNova]

CHARACTER

Name: Diesel Alipsis

Age: 17

Species and Gender: Human and Male

Symbol: Skull with Crown

Occupation: Student, First year at Beacon

Appearance:
Height: 6'2 (1.9 metres)
Weight: 72 Kg
Hair: Brown
Eyes: Brown
Skin: Fair
Build: Lean

Spoiler: ShowHide

(Note: Please ignore right image, Uniform/Alt clothes test.)

History: Diesel was an extremely power-drunk child. He was adopted by a middle class couple in Vacuo along with three other boys; Tauni, Kaen and Ender. The four boys formed a strong bond almost immediately and each realised that they were meant to be a team. As they grew older, it became clear that they were all destined to be strong, and Diesel understood this more so than any of the others. They each discovered that they were all strong in some way, Tain was smart and cunning, Raze was strong willed, Sabbath was swift and slippery and, as for Diesel, he was steadfast, immovable by any force and as stubborn as a mule. The other three began to realise that Diesel was the strongest of the four of them, and looked up to him as a leader and role model. With Diesel at the helm and the others by his side, they decided to form a gang, and as time went on, the gang became notorious and would come to be known as “The Riders of Cataclysm”.

When it came time for the four to begin schooling, they were inseparable, with Diesel being the gravitational force holding the other three together, and the team began to fall apart when Raze began to feel jealous of this fact. Raze rallied the Tain and Sabbath to stand up against Diesel and take him down a few rungs, and so they challenged him to a fight; three on one. Diesel, knowing full well that he would emerge victorious, accepted their challenge. As he predicted, Diesel mopped the floor with all 3 of them and didn’t even break a sweat, leaving the boys feeling nothing but defeat. From that day forward, the four didn’t speak much, the most they said was the occasional “Hi” and “See ya” but nothing more than that. Then came graduation day, where the four boys seemed to finally make up for the one mistake that almost cost them their friendship.

They made a mutual agreement that they would all travel to the different kingdoms and train at the different schools to become skilled and powerful huntsman. They all agreed that they would return one day and all meet up to give Diesel a rematch he would never forget, and from that day forward, The Riders of Cataclysm were not just friends, but rivals, and Diesel was determined to keep his status by enrolling at possibly the most well-known Huntsmen and Huntress academy; Beacon.

Personality: Diesel is your stereotypical hot-headed punk kind of guy. The transition from leader to subordinate would be a massive jump for him as he always held a high position of power that was achieved through his role as a gang leader prior to his application for Beacon. He has an opposition to the team system that comes with training to become and working as a Huntsman; if he isn’t the leader, than he isn’t needed. When it comes to intelligence, Diesel is basically in the middle of being a genius and an idiot. He knows what he has to do in theory, but struggle to put that theory into practice. He doesn't like very many things, the only things he cares about is being the strongest, being a leader, his brothers, his gun and of course, his bike. He dislikes people that don't listen to him. Because he is used to calling the shots and having others obey, when someone challenges that authority, he forms an immediate dislike for them.

Aura and Semblance: Aura Colour: Diesel Red
Semblance - Immovable Object: Using his aura as a form of shock absorption, Diesel is able to negate all forms of physical force that are applied directly to his body. If Diesel is hit, he will not flinch or be knocked off balance, however, Diesel's aura is drained at 2x the normal rate when using his semblance. Diesel is not invulnerable when using his semblance, he is still very much able to be harmed. However, if his semblance is active, any pain he recieves will not be felt until either his aura depletes or he stops using his semblance.

Combat Behaviour: Diesel is a relentless fighter, not showing any sign of backing down. He will charge head on at his opponent and will tank as many hits as he needs to in order to take his target down. His main strength in combat being his highly defensive semblance, he is fully reliant on outlasting and overpowering his opponent in a one on one situation. Despite his strengths, he has a few flaws that cause him a lot of trouble. Diesel will charge head on at anything without thinking, which has gotten him into trouble and more than a few fights that he couldn't win. He will fight anyone, regardless of how powerful they are and struggles to make clear and well thought out decisions when in the heat of combat, making him vulnerable. Sometimes Diesel can get too caught up in a fight and lose any sense of friend or foe, which can make him lash out at random targets without realising.

WEAPON

Name: Knox

Primary Form: Lever-Action Shotgun

Secondary Form: Longsword (Transformation)

Dust Functions: Standard Shotgun slugs and shells. Fire Dust shells which acts like a Dragon's Breath cartridge (sets everything hit by the pellet on fire). Ice Dust slugs that can freeze anything hit solid.

History:
Knox is a weapon that was custom tailored by Diesel from parts that he “obtained” from the black markets of Vacuo. He loves his shotgun more than anything (except his trusty bike, Conquest).

[jjb2158]

First off, welcome to the RP Board! I'll take care of reviewing your character so we can get it approved. That said, let's do this:

Appearance:
A picture is not enough to simply use to explain how he looks. Please write down and describe him. Height, weight, skin color, eye color, hair style, build tone, etc. All of these are good to include so we can better see him visually.

History:

When it came time for the four to begin schooling, they were inseparable, with Diesel being the gravitational force holding the other three together, and the team began to fall apart when Ignus began to feel jealous of this fact.

Who is Ignus? This is the first time seeing this name so explain who he is.

and Diesel was determined to keep his status by enrolling at the most renowned Huntsmen and Huntress academy; Beacon.

Technically speaking, Beacon isn't the most renown academy...it's just well-known because of the show. Not a big deal, but just an FYI.

Personality:
I want to know more about him: what are some of his likes and dislikes? Is he intellectually smart or does he struggle with his studies? Every person has strengths and weaknesses so keep that in mind when filling this out.

Semblance:
Two things:
1. From the way this sounds, he's basically invulnerable when he activates his semblance. Invulnerability is not allowed so if you're going to go through with this, then you need to nerf it down so he's not completely invulnerable. There needs to be a breaking point that makes it so that he would be moved.
2. How fast of a drain are we talking about? More detail is needed here.

Combat Behavior:
All I'm seeing here are strengths. There are no weaknesses for him. As I stated earlier, every character has weaknesses and your character is no different. Please list at least three weaknesses for him.

Weapon:
A couple things here:
1. Seeing that the long sword is listed as its secondary form, how does the shotgun transform into the long sword? Please put this in detail.
2. What kind of dust does he use? Also, please list the details of what each dust type does when he uses them.

That covers it for me.

[ZyxNova]

Thanks for replying. Ok, so i'll strat off by saying the Ignus thing was a mistake, was supposed to change the name to Kaen.

Will put in a height and weight section under appearance ASAP. Already planned on fleshing out the personality, it seemed a little short and it felt like it was lacking some detail.

About the semblance, he isnt strictly invulnerable, he still sustains injury and will be hurt when he gets hit, but he just wont flinch. He also doesnt feel the pain until after the semblance is used.

As for combat behaviour, the weakness is hidden in the words, but I suppose it can be a bit vague. He charges in head on, regardless of how powerful the enemy is. He is that hot-headed he will run at an enemy more powerful and experienced than he is without a care in the world.

I forgot the write down the other part of the shotgun. It has a long blade similar to a bayonett under the barrel and thats the sword blade. My bad for forgetting that...

[jjb2158]

Understood. Let me know once you've made the changes and I will review it again.

[ZyxNova]

Ok, all fixed. Stuff added, clarified and changed. Hack away.

[jjb2158]

Hmmmm...I'd still like to see something about his intelligence side for the Personality section as well as his weaknesses more prominent in his Combat Behavior. For Combat Behavior: does he have any struggles with certain fighters (range, melee, etc)? What sets him off so that he may be more reckless? Things like that. Making things vague here is not going to work. Things need to be laid out so we can better understand him.

[ZyxNova]

Fair enough, but I would like you to explain a bit more in depth about the intelligence stuff, I kinda threw a little bit of intelligence stuff in there now, but not sure if its enough. Also, he is always overly reckless, nothing really makes him worse.

[jjb2158]

In regards to intelligence, it doesn't need to be much. A simple, "He struggles with keeping up with his studies" or "He does well with his schooling" would suffice. As it stands, his personality field is fine.

In regards to his Combat Behavior: Just as you have the line "His main strength in combat being his highly defensive semblance, he is fully reliant on outlasting and overpowering his opponent in a one on one situation.", I want to see something along the line that is similar to this: "Despite his strengths, he does have weaknesses, which are...." Again, having that he is reckless is simply one weakness and I would like to see at least three. If you need help with this section, then look at other characters that have been approved and you can see what other people have written. Have at least one big weakness and two lesser weaknesses. For example: My character, Rackley Winchester, is an expert marksman and is able to move swiftly and stealthily. However, what he excels in speed and stealth, he lacks in strength and close combat. Not only that, but he wears light armor, making it easier to damage him over time. I didn't list these so that people can know his weaknesses and can then use them to their advantage, but so that it equalizes my character and makes writing as him all the more enjoyable (having weaknesses is a good thing as it's great seeing a character struggle to achieve his/her goal). Hope that makes sense.

[ZyxNova]

Shouldn't the weaknesses on his semblance count towards weaknesses in combat as well? Because in that case i have 3 weaknesses...

[jjb2158]

Weaknesses in semblance are not the same as combat weaknesses. A combat weakness is something that affects someone regardless of whether they're using their semblance or not. My character's weaknesses affect him both when he uses his semblance and when he doesn't. That's what a combat weakness is.

[ZyxNova]

Ok, added his last weakness. I couldnt think of much else because thats all i had planned and that was all i was used to needing (because I had a character on the old rp site that I tried to transfer but it never did).

[jjb2158]

Now that is what I call a good Combat Behavior

Approved 2 of 2 and moved. Happy RPing!

[Dr. Gustave]

pre edit: ShowHide

CHARACTER

Name: Diesel Alipsis

Age: 17

Species and Gender: Human and Male

Symbol: Skull with Crown

Occupation: Student, First year at Beacon

Appearance:
Height: 6'2 (1.9 metres)
Weight: 72 Kg
Hair: Brown
Eyes: Brown
Skin: Fair
Build: Lean
[spoiler]

(Note: Please ignore right image, Uniform/Alt clothes test.)

History: Diesel was an extremely power-drunk child. He was adopted by a middle class couple in Vacuo along with three other boys; Tauni, Kaen and Ender. The four boys formed a strong bond almost immediately and each realised that they were meant to be a team. As they grew older, it became clear that they were all destined to be strong, and Diesel understood this more so than any of the others. They each discovered that they were all strong in some way, Tauni was smart and cunning, Kaen was strong willed, Ender was swift and slippery and, as for Diesel, he was steadfast, immovable by any force and as stubborn as a mule. The other three began to realise that Diesel was the strongest of the four of them, and looked up to him as a leader and role model. With Diesel at the helm and the others by his side, they decided to form a gang, and as time went on, the gang became notorious and would come to be known as “The Riders of Cataclysm”.

When it came time for the four to begin schooling, they were inseparable, with Diesel being the gravitational force holding the other three together, and the team began to fall apart when Kaen began to feel jealous of this fact. Kaen rallied the Tauni and Ender to stand up against Diesel and take him down a few rungs, and so they challenged him to a fight; three on one. Diesel, knowing full well that he would emerge victorious, accepted their challenge. As he predicted, Diesel mopped the floor with all 3 of them and didn’t even break a sweat, leaving the boys feeling nothing but defeat. From that day forward, the four didn’t speak much, the most they said was the occasional “Hi” and “See ya” but nothing more than that. Then came graduation day, where the four boys seemed to finally make up for the one mistake that almost cost them their friendship.

They made a mutual agreement that they would all travel to the different kingdoms and train at the different schools to become skilled and powerful huntsman. They all agreed that they would return one day and all meet up to give Diesel a rematch he would never forget, and from that day forward, The Riders of Cataclysm were not just friends, but rivals, and Diesel was determined to keep his status by enrolling at possibly the most well-known Huntsmen and Huntress academy; Beacon.

Personality: Diesel is your stereotypical hot-headed punk kind of guy. The transition from leader to subordinate would be a massive jump for him as he always held a high position of power that was achieved through his role as a gang leader prior to his application for Beacon. He has an opposition to the team system that comes with training to become and working as a Huntsman; if he isn’t the leader, than he isn’t needed. When it comes to intelligence, Diesel is basically in the middle of being a genius and an idiot. He knows what he has to do in theory, but struggle to put that theory into practice. He doesn't like very many things, the only things he cares about is being the strongest, being a leader, his brothers, his gun and of course, his bike. He dislikes people that don't listen to him. Because he is used to calling the shots and having others obey, when someone challenges that authority, he forms an immediate dislike for them.

Aura and Semblance: Aura Colour: Diesel Red
Semblance - Immovable Object: Using his aura as a form of shock absorption, Diesel is able to negate all forms of physical force that are applied directly to his body. If Diesel is hit, he will not flinch or be knocked off balance, however, Diesel's aura is drained at 2x the normal rate when using his semblance. Diesel is not invulnerable when using his semblance, he is still very much able to be harmed. However, if his semblance is active, any pain he recieves will not be felt until either his aura depletes or he stops using his semblance.

Combat Behaviour: Diesel is a relentless fighter, not showing any sign of backing down. He will charge head on at his opponent and will tank as many hits as he needs to in order to take his target down. His main strength in combat being his highly defensive semblance, he is fully reliant on outlasting and overpowering his opponent in a one on one situation. Despite his strengths, he has a few flaws that cause him a lot of trouble. Diesel will charge head on at anything without thinking, which has gotten him into trouble and more than a few fights that he couldn't win. He will fight anyone, regardless of how powerful they are and struggles to make clear and well thought out decisions when in the heat of combat, making him vulnerable. Sometimes Diesel can get oo caught up in a fight and lose any sense of friend or foe, which can make him lash out at random targets without realising.

WEAPON

Name: Knox

Primary Form: Lever-Action Shotgun with underbarrel blade.

Secondary Form: Longsword (Blade shifts up and barrel spilts in half to accomidate the blade)

Dust Functions: Standard Shotgun slugs and shells. Fire Dust shells which acts like a Dragon's Breath cartridge (sets everything hit by the pellet on fire). Ice Dust slugs that can freeze anything hit solid (often used for freezing walls to smash them. Sometimes used on enemies).

History:
Knox is a weapon that was custom tailored by Diesel from parts that he “obtained” from the black markets of Vacuo. He loves his shotgun more than anything (except his trusty bike, Conquest).
[/spoiler]

[ZyxNova]

Edits:
Added a video link to the weapons transformation instead of a description, fixed a few small typos and changed the names of featured characters in his backstory.

[Dr. Gustave]

All good.