Author Topic: Shiro Aikurushii  (Read 6312 times)

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Shiro Aikurushii
« on: January 02, 2017, 01:16:58 PM »
CHARACTER

Name: Shiro Aikurushii

Age: 18, born on the 21th of Arashi, 63 AC

Species and Gender: Human, Female.

Symbol: A white star with a dark blue background.
Spoiler: ShowHide


Themes:
Theme Music: Silver End - Not Alone
Battle Music: Alan Berlin - Power Of Will

Occupation: First year student at Beacon Academy.

Appearance: Shiro has dark blue hair which she keeps in two uneven twintails, the right lock of her hair is shorter than the left. She has sapphire blue eyes and her skin is very pale, the later is because of Atlesian origins. She is a little short for her age, standing at about 5'2ft (without the high heels on her boots). She has a very small and thin figure, as she is rather skinny and  she is also light, only weighting 90lbs. Her breast size is an A-cup.

When it comes to what Shiro wears it either comes down to one of two things.

Uniform: Well... Pretty self explanatory. She wears the Beacon Academy uniform when she is required to, and ONLY when she is required to.

Combat Attire: Whenever she can she will be in her combat attire at all times. She wears a black choker made of silk on her neck. Shiro also wears a formal shirt and a dark blue sleeveless dress made of smooth denim material. The dress goes down to her thighs but the sides and back of the dress extends downwards to knee height. She wears dark blue fingerless silk gloves and a white belt which has a black line through the middle. She keeps her weapons on said belt in their storage forms at all times. Shiro wears thigh high socks which are dark blue in color and she also wears high heeled boots, the same color as her socks.
Her combat attire allows her to move quite fast and it doesn't restrict her movement much but on the other hand it is somewhat unpractical against the cold. Shiro has a rather high resistance to cold, mainly because she is Atlesian, so even though her attire doesn't provide enough protection against chilly weather in itself, she doesn't really mind it unless its close to 0 degrees Celsius. She thinks the weather in Vale is "too hot."


TL;DR History Section: ShowHide
Shiro was born in a middle-class family in Atlas. Her parents brought her with them to a business trip to Vale as they wanted to have a vacation after their business trip was over. Shiro's parents died in a car accident after leaving the babysitter with Shiro. She got sent to an orphanage because she had no other living relatives where she made friends with 4 other kids.

One of them, Kai, was adopted and had to move to Vacuo with his new family. Hanako, who had a crush on him and has been friends with him for a really long time was left devastated by the sudden turn of events and was depressed. Shiro and the two other boys, Takashi and Yuu tried to cheer Hanako up but nothing worked.

Takashi remembered a beautiful grove he found outside the city when he also found a way out of Vale by closely watching the guards' patrol schedule and proposed the idea of showing that to Hanako. Shiro warned them that its a bad idea as that is Grimm territory but Takashi and Yuu didn't listen to her and persuaded Hanako to go with them. Fearing for her friends' lives Shiro went with them too.

They managed to slip past the guards and made their way through the forest. They reached the grove and indeed it was really beautiful. It also seemed that their plan worked and Hanako was smiling once again. They spent some time in the grove, too much time in fact and when Shiro realised this she was nagging her friends to turn around and go back before something bad happens. They didn't listen to her as she was the type to get scared easily but her fears came true and two Beowolfs and an Ursa stepped into the grove. The group tried to run but Hanako fell, Yuu rushed to her aid but was too late and the Beowolfs mauled them to death. Shiro and Takashi ran for their lives from the Ursa that was still chasing them, Shiro was not able to run fast enough to escape and knowing this, Takashi caught the Ursa's attention by shouting at it and throwing a rock at it and led it away from her, disappearing into the forest.

Shiro ran until she reached the spot where they got out of the city and waited for Takashi to return but he never did. She ran back to the orphanage, barged into her room and cried for the rest of the day. She took all the blame on herself, thinking that it was her fault that they died, that she wasn't able to save them because of her personality. She also suffered from nightmares every night. A week later a group of huntsman found three corpses and when the police identified them they were indeed Takashi, Yuu and Hanako. They asked questions to Shiro who broke down during the interrogation but they tried again later and finally she was able to tell them everything that happened.

Shiro developed immense hatred towards Grimm and decided what carrier path she will take, to become a Huntress. Before she could do that she needed to overcome her nightmares and guilt. She figured it was her personality that was the reason things played out as they did so she completely sealed away her current one and constructed a new one, a cool, tomboy-ish, reliable and intimidating personality and changed her clothes accordingly too. It seemed that the nightmares were getting better and when she did have them she wasn't feeling as hopeless and scared as before. It came to the point where she barely had any nightmares in one year. Now she finally could focus on training.

At the age of 14 she started attending Signal Academy while she also took up jobs that made her easy money like taking dogs on walks, lawn mowing and the likes. When she turned 18 and graduated from Signal with good scores, she inherited all her parents' money. This meant that she finally could stop taking small jobs and could sustain herself from just her inheritance. She also made her combat attire around that time. She got accepted into Beacon Academy to further train to be a Huntress.


History: Shiro was born into a middle-class family in Atlas. Her parents always wanted to live in Vale as the weather there was a lot nicer and warmer so after Shiro was 2 years old they moved to Vale. One year has passed and everything was going great, however, thanks to an unfortunate turn of events her parents died in a car accident after leaving Shiro with a babysitter to attend a business meeting.

Only 3 years old and without any other relatives that could take her in, the government decided to send her to an orphanage in hopes of finding another family for her. The staff that were working at the orphanage took care of her along with many other children that shared the same, or similar fate. There were many kids at the orphanage and the chances for finding a new family for Shiro was more than one in a thousand. Life at the orphanage was strict, or at least they tried to be strict as the number of kids per staff member was so high they just couldn't keep track of everything. Nothing really noteworthy happened for 7 years apart from Shiro having a good time playing with the other kids and occasionally getting a present when a charity donated toys or clothes to the orphanage, which only happened once or twice in those 7 years.

When Shiro asked what happened to her parents later on when she was 10 the staff at the orphanage lied about it, telling her that her parents abandoned her as they didn’t believe they would be capable of raising a child by themselves. Despite everything, Shiro was really cheerful and adorable and she liked anything that was cute and pretty, quite normal for a girl her age.

At the same time this happened, she made friends with four other children at the orphanage, three boys named Takashi, Kai and Yuu, and a girl named Hanako. Shiro would hang out with them whenever she had the time and everything was going fine. That is, until a year later Kai got adopted and had to move to Vacuo with his new family. Hanako was devastated by this as she was best friends with Kai for a really long time and secretly had a crush on him too. Shiro, as well as Takashi and Yuu both knew that so they tried to cheer her up but nothing seemed to work. Hanako was getting worse and worse with each day passing and it came to the point where she didn’t even want to get out of her bed and she spent one whole day just laying there doing nothing.

This orphanage had a lot of children and the few staff that were supervising the kids found it hard to keep track of everyone at the same time. There was also a fault in the fence that separated the back yard from a back alley and it wasn’t uncommon that Takashi used this route to wander around Vale every now and then. One time when he went out he was gone for a really long time and nobody knew anything about where he was. Thankfully the staff didn’t notice his absence and he finally returned after almost a day without any consequence. He didn’t say anything to Shiro or anyone else, when they asked he always just replied with “Just went a bit farther than usual and got lost. Nothing special.” The truth was that he managed to find a way to slip past the guards that were guarding the border thanks to a fault in their patrol schedule that he was actually studying for a while now. After slipping past the guards he wandered the nearby forest and found a beautiful grove where he spent some time just relaxing and forgot about the time, almost missing the opportunity to get back to Vale that day.

Remembering this, Takashi had the brilliant idea of showing that place to Hanako in hopes of cheering her up. When he discussed it with the group Yuu thought it was a good idea, but Shiro on the other hand knew that this was really dangerous. She warned the two boys that it is dangerous outside the walls as anything beyond that is Grimm territory. Takashi was certain that Grimm don't show up in that area as he didn't see any while he was out. Despite Shiro's warnings they informed Hanako and persuaded her to come with them. Nervous and worried about her friends' safety, Shiro tagged along as well. They had no trouble slipping through the patrolling guards after waiting for the time where they can go through. As they went deeper into the forest Shiro became more and more anxious with every step they took until they finally arrived at their destination. With the exception of Takashi, they had no idea what the place he found looked like.

When Shiro stepped into the grove she was amazed, so much so that she actually froze in place for a split second and completely forgot about her worries. Shiro, Takashi and Yuu looked at each other and then at Hanako in union to see if it was worth the hassle. It looked like the plan worked as Hanako smiled as she looked around and thanked them for showing this to her. Shiro and her friends spent some time in the grove before she remembered why she was worried. Coming to the sudden realisation that they really aren't supposed to stay here for too long she nagged them to go back. Her friends shook her warnings off, saying that she was just too paranoid. Its true that she was easily scared, but sometimes being paranoid or scared can save you from dangerous situations. Shiro thought she heard a quiet sound in the woods, like a twig breaking. She begged them to listen to her and turn get back behind the safety of the walls. No matter how hard she tried to convince them they wouldn't believe her.

Just when Yuu thought that Shiro wouldn't be so desperate to go back if it was just her imagination, it was too late. Two Beowolfs and an Ursa leaped into the grove, completely scaring the four of them. Screaming, the kids started to run towards the path that lead back to safety. Hanako tripped over a small rock that was sticking out of the ground so Yuu ran back to try to help her up and escape but the Grimm caught up and the Beowolfs mauled them to death. Shiro and Takashi were horrified but their lives were in danger too as the Ursa almost caught up to them. While Takashi might be able to run fast enough to not get caught by the Ursa before reaching the wall as he regularly exercised, Shiro would not be able to keep up. When the Grimm was meters away from Shiro, Takashi picked up a rock while running and threw it at the Ursa. He took a turn right and shouted as hard as he could, this caught the Ursa's attention and soon they disappeared into the woods. Shiro was too scared to turn back so she ran as fast as she could before reaching the passage where they slipped past the guards. She stopped and looked around but Takashi was nowhere to be seen. She waited and waited but she realised that he probably received the same fate as Yuu and Hanako.

Her legs still shaking, she slipped through the guards once again and didn't stop until she reached the orphanage. She barged into her room, locked the door, laid down on her bed and cried for god knows how long. Needless to say that she didn't come out of her room that day. She blamed herself for what happened, that she couldn't convince them sooner and even Takashi's death was because of her. The next day the staff finally noticed that there were three kids missing and naturally, as they knew that Shiro was friends with them they asked where they were. Shiro pretended she didn't know and that she haven't seen them. The orphanage informed the police and a week later a group of huntsmen found three bodies in the forest near Vale. The police identified the corpses and they were indeed Takashi, Yuu and Hanako. The staff were concerned that Shiro barely went out of her room after the kids went missing and her mood was at an all time low, but they decided to let her be. When the police wanted to investigate their rooms they told the staff that they wanted to ask a couple of questions to Shiro, as the staff mentioned that she was close friends with the missing children. Shiro was called into a meeting room in the orphanage where she met two police officers and they started asking her questions. These questions they asked opened up fresh wounds, and she finally broke. She started shaking and crying and they couldn't get anything out of her except the thing she was repeating: "I'M SORRY!".

The police officers told the orphanage that they should contact them when Shiro calms down so that they can ask questions to her again about the incident. The staff were concerned about her mental health after what happened so they kept an eye on her at all times. Shiro seemed to be recovering quite fast if we exclude the nightmares she had every night. These nightmares varied from night to night but they all had the same core, three children standing in front of Shiro, all repeating the same lines over and over again. These lines were about how Shiro didn't help them and left them behind. In the distance three distorted figures of Grimm were running towards them and just before they reached them she would wake up from the nightmare.

The police came back and, again, asked Shiro the same questions but keeping in mind what happened the last time they rephrased those questions so that the same thing wont happen again. Shiro told them everything that has happened as she figured there would be no point in lying about it. Satisfied, the police officers got ready to go back and write their reports but before they parted they scolded Shiro to not do such things again. Even they knew that it would be pointless to even say, knowing what happened now there would be no way she would do that again anyways.

Shiro developed immense hatred towards Grimm the longer she thought about what happened and remembered the people who found her friend's bodies. Huntsmen. From that moment she knew what she wanted to be. A huntress. To rid the existence of Grimm from the face of the earth and to protect the innocent.

But before she could do any of that she had to overcome her nightmares and guilt. She figured that her personality was the reason why things played out of they did so she almost completely changed her personality from girl-ish, cutesy and adorable to cool, tomboy-ish and intimidating. This also meant that she needs to change the way she dresses to make an even bigger impact so she started wearing clothes that looked similar to what guys wear. This complete overhaul of her personality seemed to work, people seemed to take her seriously all the time, they were wary of her and they seemed to not mess with her. The nightmares were starting to get better too, she didn't have nightmares every night and when she did she wasn't feeling as hopeless and scared as before. It came to the point where she barely had any nightmares in one year. Now she finally could focus on training.

At the age of 14 she started attending Signal Academy while she also took up jobs that made her easy money like taking dogs on walks, lawn mowing and the likes. When she turned 18 and graduated from Signal with good scores, she inherited all her parents' money. This meant that she finally could stop taking small jobs and could sustain herself from just her inheritance. She also made her combat attire around that time. She got accepted into Beacon Academy to further train to be a Huntress.

Personality: At first sight, Shiro might come off as a daring, tomboy-ish girl. Her voice is a bit deeper than an average girl's voice and her face expression is rather serious most of the time. Whenever she does something she does it with great confidence, be that as something simple as just walking, standing or talking, or something complex; like fighting. Shiro, at first sight is too intimidating for most people; because of this she only made 3 friends during the 18 years she's been alive, and those friends have passed away. Shiro's hobby is listening to music in her free time, her favourite types of music being Rock, Metal and Heavy Metal, but she enjoys listening to anything really. She even has an electronic guitar that she sometimes plays when she feels bored or sad. Shiro cares about her friends a lot (If she would have any...). She would risk her own life to save her friends from certain death, no matter how slim that chance might be.

While how Shiro looks and acts like might be intimidating and might come off as tomboy-ish, that is just a facade which does not reflect her true personality. Shiro is obsessed with being and acting 'cool' in front of others so she comes off as reliable, confident and strong and doesn't show her true personality which she locked up deep in herself.  Shiro's 'true' personality only rarely can be seen when she relaxes and lowers her guard. She has a cutesy, somewhat adorable personality full of innocence and love towards everything, completely a 180 turn from how she acts in front of them. Her voice also changes gradually from tomboy-ish to a really high pitched and rather cute one.

Shiro thinks that her true personality wouldn't come off as reliable, strong, confident or serious so she locked away her true personality deep within herself and constructed a new one over it that would help her in those areas where her actual personality was lacking.

When it comes to school, Shiro can be considered as average. Her grades never really stood out from the rest. Sure every now and then she slipped in an above average grade because of lucky guessing on a test but that was a rare thing. She doesn't struggle with subjects but at the same time she doesn't do really well in them either.

Aura and Semblance: Aura Color: White
Aura: Shiro's aura pool is considered average among students in Beacon Academy. Her regeneration through aura is above average, this allows the regeneration of wounds quicker than that of a normal student.

Semblance: Copycat - Shiro's semblance is an illusion type of semblance. Shiro is able to make people believe that who they are looking at is not Shiro, but somebody else that Shiro chose to mimic.
When Shiro wants to mimic somebody else's appearance she first has to study that person's body from their hair to their toes for at least 20 seconds before memorising and making a mental note which she can recall later to use her semblance. She can have up to 5 mental notes of people's appearance at a time. She is also able to mimic their voice if she was able to listen to them talking for at least around 7 seconds.
After memorising the appearance of the person she wants to mimic she needs to be within a 50 meter area of somebody else that she wants to fool with the copied appearance. Anybody outside the 50 meter range will see Shiro as Shiro. This drains her aura by 1% for every 20 seconds (3/min) she keeps the illusion up - up to a maximum of 30 minutes - and for each person Shiro wants to trick with a fake appearance in the 50 meter area increases the aura usage by another 1%.

Shiro can only use her Semblance for 30 minutes at most because if she uses it for any longer than that she will pass out from mental exhaustion. The most she can use her semblance is 2 hours per day (assuming she can recharge her aura capacity 4x during the day).
Shiro is only able to recreate somebody's appearance but she is not able to recreate their semblance, their physical strength and their equipment. The later IS recreated only in the form of an illusion, Shiro isn't able to use the equipment that is seen by others she is trying to trick.
The mental notes perfectly mimic the person that Shiro memorised, but if a person has a scar or any physical mark on their body that was not visible while Shiro was memorising them she will not be able to recreate the full appearance of said person.
If a person she is trying to fool notices that Shiro isn't the person she is mimicking then the illusion will break and her semblance will deactivate for 10 seconds, revealing her true appearance to everyone affected in the area.
It is not possible for Shiro to have two appearances at a time, excluding her real one. This means that even if she has two mental copies of two different people and she wants to trick two people, she can't have one of them see person A while the other one is seeing person B.
Even though there isn't a limit to how many people she can trick at a time, she needs to be aware of the person she wants to use her semblance on. This means that having to concentrate on more people is way harder for her than to just focus on one person at a time and the semblance is mentally punishing this way.

Combat Behaviour: Thanks to her semblance, Shiro excels at infiltrating the enemy lines without getting noticed. This allows her to sabotage enemy facilities or catch her target off-guard and gun them down before they could even react. She would move quickly and unnoticed while disguising herself as one of the enemy. Her combat behaviour would be stealthy whenever possible and surprise attacking her opponent while they aren't aware of her presence.

When infiltration/surprising the enemy is not an option or when she is fighting Grimm her fighting style becomes more along the lines of running and gunning. She would keep her distance from her opponent as long as possible either until she runs out of ammunition or until her enemy catches up to her. This minimises the damage she takes from melee attacks and also keeps a safe distance so that the enemy will have more trouble using anything semblance-related. If the enemy catches up to her she will activate the second form of Vindicator to be able to defend herself better against melee attacks. She will use sword swings and gun shots while in close range. Whenever she has some distance between her and her opponent she would fire off a couple of shots from Ambassador for free damage.

When she is clearly against an opponent who has a disadvantage in close range combat she will activate Vindicator v.2 and try to get as close to her opponent as possible while firing with Ambassador, moving from cover to cover whenever possible.
Shiro will only stop during combat if she needs to activate Vindicator v.2, when she is behind cover, when she needs to recover her strength or when she switches ammunition types in Ambassador.

Shiro is a good team player, capable of providing support with her special, dust infused rounds or getting the enemy's attention while allowing her teammate to re position themselves, should they be cornered or in a bad situation. Her semblance also allows her to infiltrate the enemy's security and let her team slip past highly guarded areas by creating a distraction or knocking out the guards.

Of course everyone has weaknesses, this includes Shiro.
Her semblance is practically useless when the enemy either knows her semblance or is keeping an eye on her. Thanks to this she has a major disadvantage and struggles with anyone who has a better combat-oriented semblance.
Shiro also suffers a couple of seconds downtime while she is switching the ammunition in her pistols, during this time she can barely move so she would try and hide behind cover. If she cant change the rounds safely in her pistols then she wont attempt it and would have to stick to normal rounds that are less powerful and which don't have any special effects to them.


WEAPON

Name: Vindicator and Ambassador

Primary Form: Two pistols, Vindicator in her left and Ambassador in her right, are dual wielded by Shiro. Both pistols are silver colored where the metal is and both pistols have a dark blue handle. She uses the weapons' primary form 90% of the time while in combat.
Spoiler: ShowHide
This with a dark blue handle and a dark blue button below and on the handle.

Secondary Form: Shiro carries a metal box on the left side of her belt which has a blue button on its side. By pressing said button the box unfolds into a one-handed sword blade. By pressing a small blue button located below the trigger and on the handle, Vindicator is capable of transforming into a sword hilt with a socket where the blade should go. When connected, the blade and the hilt go together and form a one-handed sword (Vindicator v.2) which Shiro can wield along with one of her pistols.
The weapon is 90cm in length (around 35 inches) and weights about 1.1kg (2.4lbs). When she wants to reverse the transformation of Vindicator v.2 she needs to just press the button on the hilt twice to separate and transform both parts of the weapon into their respective storage forms.
Spoiler: ShowHide


Storage Form: Pressing the blue buttons on the pistols twice in rapid succession makes them transform into a box similar to the sword blade's storage form. She keeps these boxes on the right side of her belt.

Dust Functions: Ambassador, her right handed pistol has dust cartridges as well as normal bullets as ammunition. Ambassador is capable of firing 3 dust type bullets. Shiro is able to carry one high capacity magazine per dust type, said magazine can only contain 30 rounds.
  • Fire Dust - When a fire dust round is fired from Ambassador it creates a small explosion on impact with any surface. This explosion is far weaker than a grenade for example but if used against organic targets it can leave serious injuries and burns.
  • Ice Dust - When an ice dust round is fired from Ambassador it creates ice on impact. If the bullet collided with anything that is not protected by aura it leaves an ice patch in a 50cm area around where the bullet has landed and it will stay there for about a minute. If the bullet hits something that is protected by aura this area is reduced to 15cm and it will melt in 3 seconds. The ice patch restricts movement of anything it touches until it melts or breaks off around the object. One thing to note is that it does not freeze the thing it comes in contact with but rather forms an ice layer around the area.
  • Kinetic Dust - When a kinetic dust round is fired from Ambassador it increases the strength of the bullet by increasing its velocity, the durability of the shell is higher, this combined with the modified shape of it allows the bullet to penetrate through thicker armor than an ordinary bullet would.

History: She made her two pistols and blade extension in Signal Academy as its required for students to make their own weapons. Shiro named her guns Vindicator and Ambassador because she thought they are 'cool' names for a weapon.
« Last Edit: January 27, 2017, 01:27:51 PM by Malus Blanc »
Valentine Bloodfang - First Year Closet Cripple of Team SLVA - "How much edge could an edge lord lord if an edge lord could lord edge? Fufufu~"

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Blanc Valiere - First Year Highly Explosive Member of Team CBLT - "Found you, you little shits!" AWAITING MY REWORK

Shiro Aikurushii - First Year Copycat of Team CHES - "Did someone say cool?" AWAITING MY REWORK

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Re: Shiro Aikurushii
« Reply #1 on: January 07, 2017, 04:59:42 PM »
The profile is mostly fine. The appearance is just a straight rip from BRS which I don't LIKE But there's no rules against it, so whatever.

The history is the largest problem. If that were to happen to someone, losing their parents while they were in another kingdom and too young to do anything, they wouldn't be kept there. Vale wouldn't just steal a kid. That would require infinitely more paperwork than just "Send them back to Atlas because they're a citizen there and not a citizen here. Duh."

The semblance needs to be toned down. Either pick copying the voice OR appearance or significantly boost the amount of time she needs to study them and hear them to be able to copy them. Remember, she's only a first year student.
Atlas: ShowHide
Mercenary: Kol Augur ~ The Judicator of Atlas
Speaking: #5C5054 Thinking: #EAC117

Mistral: ShowHide
Huntress-in-Training: Aca Roth ~ Member of Team RWND
Speaking: #E05260 Thinking: #EA857F
Huntress-in-Training: Brook Pallas ~ Member of Team CNBR
Speaking: #4863A0 Thinking: #98AFC7
Council Member: Phaedo Katsaros ~ Figurehead for Faunus/Human relations
Speaking: #667C26 Thinking: #B6CC76

Vacuo: ShowHide
40th Vytal Tournament Champion: Zabar Aga ~ Member of Team DAWN
Speaking: #CD7F32 Thinking: #EE9A4D

Vale: ShowHide
Huntress: Malina Nahualli-Roth ~ Leader of Team MCCA
Speaking: #993A64 Thinking: #8B0C44
Beacon Professor: Titania Printemps ~ Assistant Headmistress of Beacon Academy
Speaking: #4AA02C Thinking: #E55B3C
Drop-out: Durian Ghede ~ Former leader of team DFDL
Speaking: #E1BD27 Thinking: #AF8B00

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Re: Shiro Aikurushii
« Reply #2 on: January 07, 2017, 05:16:55 PM »
Changes made.

Changed the history section's first paragraph so that it would make sense for the government to send her to an orphanage in Vale. Hopefully the time it takes her to copy someone is enough now too.
Valentine Bloodfang - First Year Closet Cripple of Team SLVA - "How much edge could an edge lord lord if an edge lord could lord edge? Fufufu~"

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Blanc Valiere - First Year Highly Explosive Member of Team CBLT - "Found you, you little shits!" AWAITING MY REWORK

Shiro Aikurushii - First Year Copycat of Team CHES - "Did someone say cool?" AWAITING MY REWORK

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Re: Shiro Aikurushii
« Reply #3 on: January 16, 2017, 05:23:41 AM »
Bump.
Valentine Bloodfang - First Year Closet Cripple of Team SLVA - "How much edge could an edge lord lord if an edge lord could lord edge? Fufufu~"

Outdated Characters: ShowHide
Blanc Valiere - First Year Highly Explosive Member of Team CBLT - "Found you, you little shits!" AWAITING MY REWORK

Shiro Aikurushii - First Year Copycat of Team CHES - "Did someone say cool?" AWAITING MY REWORK

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Re: Shiro Aikurushii
« Reply #4 on: January 19, 2017, 07:51:34 PM »
Malus, I seriously suggest at least changing her clothes to that of something else. Base appearance is fine but copying the jacket and whatnot is a little pushing it even if powers are different. I Suggest you change appearance first of all.

History is okay.

Semblance is a bit of a wild card. It's kinda like emeralds and Emerald's semblance deals with mind trickery things. Please clarify if you can. Is this semblance a mind manipulation semblance or pure illusion type?(Like lightweaving in the stormlight archives) Forgive me if I missed anything.

Rest of the profile is fine. I just suggest you REALLY change the BRS clothing. (Maybe look for fanart of her without it? Or think of a completely new design! That should be fine. Let your imagination run wild just...be easy on some details.


Students
Wisteria Lockheart - 1st Year student at Beacon. "Don't make me throw a book at you"
Shiroe Pendragon - 1st Year Student at beacon - "This is my monochrome reality" - Team MARS
Lavender du Lac - 1st Year Student at Haven -  "The harder I try the further things drift away."
Ayaka Miyamoto - 1st Year student at Beacon. "Tsubame Gaeshi!" - Team ALIA
Vermilion Desdemona - 3rd Year Student at Beacon - "Only time you'd be above me is when your head rests on my pike"
Talen de L'eglantine - 3rd Year Student at Beacon
Kei Almas - 4th Year Student at Beacon - "Everything is ripe for the taking!"
Aurum LeBlanc - 3rd Year Student at Atlas - "Lay back, take it easy, and watch the comedy unfold"

Professors
Professor William Nox - "To contain the world in a grain of dust

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Re: Shiro Aikurushii
« Reply #5 on: January 23, 2017, 11:41:59 AM »
Changes made to appearance. I honestly didn't know that the appearance would be a problem but I guess I was wrong. :P

For the semblance I'm not sure if you want me to add what I am going to say next or not. Shiro can alter how someone sees her when she uses her semblance. Emerald however can make people see things that never happened like when Yang was fighting with Mercury. Her semblance is similar to Emerald's in the sense that both deal with mind manipulation but Shiro's semblance can only alter how people perceive her and how she sounds like. (which can break if the person realises that its a fake).
I hope that made sense... XD

Valentine Bloodfang - First Year Closet Cripple of Team SLVA - "How much edge could an edge lord lord if an edge lord could lord edge? Fufufu~"

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Shiro Aikurushii - First Year Copycat of Team CHES - "Did someone say cool?" AWAITING MY REWORK

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Re: Shiro Aikurushii
« Reply #6 on: January 25, 2017, 04:59:19 AM »
Main reason I had you change the BRS appearance was because it's been used a lot of times in the past. So you'd have a bunch of doppelgangers around(if they're still active :p) but just to be safe best be different, noh?

So regarding the semblance that sounds good just have it that she needs to be conscious of the person she's trying to manipulate it on, meaning the more the harder. Should be fine then
Students
Wisteria Lockheart - 1st Year student at Beacon. "Don't make me throw a book at you"
Shiroe Pendragon - 1st Year Student at beacon - "This is my monochrome reality" - Team MARS
Lavender du Lac - 1st Year Student at Haven -  "The harder I try the further things drift away."
Ayaka Miyamoto - 1st Year student at Beacon. "Tsubame Gaeshi!" - Team ALIA
Vermilion Desdemona - 3rd Year Student at Beacon - "Only time you'd be above me is when your head rests on my pike"
Talen de L'eglantine - 3rd Year Student at Beacon
Kei Almas - 4th Year Student at Beacon - "Everything is ripe for the taking!"
Aurum LeBlanc - 3rd Year Student at Atlas - "Lay back, take it easy, and watch the comedy unfold"

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Re: Shiro Aikurushii
« Reply #7 on: January 25, 2017, 12:20:44 PM »
Changes made to semblance.

About the appearance. I didn't know there were characters that already had BRS's appearance. Now I see why you guys wanted me to change how she looks like! xD
Valentine Bloodfang - First Year Closet Cripple of Team SLVA - "How much edge could an edge lord lord if an edge lord could lord edge? Fufufu~"

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Blanc Valiere - First Year Highly Explosive Member of Team CBLT - "Found you, you little shits!" AWAITING MY REWORK

Shiro Aikurushii - First Year Copycat of Team CHES - "Did someone say cool?" AWAITING MY REWORK

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Re: Shiro Aikurushii
« Reply #8 on: January 25, 2017, 06:02:23 PM »
+1
Students
Wisteria Lockheart - 1st Year student at Beacon. "Don't make me throw a book at you"
Shiroe Pendragon - 1st Year Student at beacon - "This is my monochrome reality" - Team MARS
Lavender du Lac - 1st Year Student at Haven -  "The harder I try the further things drift away."
Ayaka Miyamoto - 1st Year student at Beacon. "Tsubame Gaeshi!" - Team ALIA
Vermilion Desdemona - 3rd Year Student at Beacon - "Only time you'd be above me is when your head rests on my pike"
Talen de L'eglantine - 3rd Year Student at Beacon
Kei Almas - 4th Year Student at Beacon - "Everything is ripe for the taking!"
Aurum LeBlanc - 3rd Year Student at Atlas - "Lay back, take it easy, and watch the comedy unfold"

Professors
Professor William Nox - "To contain the world in a grain of dust

jjb2158

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Re: Shiro Aikurushii
« Reply #9 on: January 26, 2017, 06:16:45 PM »
I'll do your second review:

Personality:
Good overall, but can you include a small section talking about her intellect? Is she smart or does she struggle with school?

Semblance:
Quote
This drains her aura by 1% for every 10 seconds she keeps the illusion up - up to a maximum of 30 minutes - and for each person Shiro wants to trick with a fake appearance in the 50 meter area increases the aura usage by another 1%.
One thing that doesn't add up here. If you do the math, if she used all 100% of her aura to use her semblance, then that would be 1000 seconds or 16 1/2 minutes at most. So, having a maximum of 30 minutes doesn't add up here. I suggest you change it so that the numbers match.

Quote
Shiro can only use her Semblance for 30 minutes at most because if she uses it for any longer than that she will pass out from mental exhaustion. The most she can use her semblance is 2 hours per day.
Again, the 2 hours per day here doesn't add up with if she used her semblance to the maximum since it would then essentially be 16 minutes per day.

Combat Behavior:
Everything written here shows all her strengths in fighting. However, I don't really see any weaknesses said here. Every character has 2-3 weaknesses so please put down what her weaknesses in a fight would be.

That's about it for me.
First Year Beacon Student: Rackley Winchester - The Hawkeye Sniper currently Teamless

Second Year Beacon Student: Jett Davenport - The Playful Shadow Knight of Team MLDC (Melodic)

Third Year Beacon Student: Suntalia Lyn Ryker - The Voice of Thunder currently Teamless

Fourth Year Beacon Student: Savas Carnelian - The Quiet Berserker Leader of Team SARK (Stark)

Beacon Professor: Oberon Falcov - The Man With A Plan / Team Strategy Teacher of Beacon

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Re: Shiro Aikurushii
« Reply #10 on: January 27, 2017, 01:29:30 PM »
Changes made. I have no idea why I chose those numbers to begin with to be honest. xD
Valentine Bloodfang - First Year Closet Cripple of Team SLVA - "How much edge could an edge lord lord if an edge lord could lord edge? Fufufu~"

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Blanc Valiere - First Year Highly Explosive Member of Team CBLT - "Found you, you little shits!" AWAITING MY REWORK

Shiro Aikurushii - First Year Copycat of Team CHES - "Did someone say cool?" AWAITING MY REWORK

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Re: Shiro Aikurushii
« Reply #11 on: January 27, 2017, 01:50:32 PM »
Lol no worries...I totally get it.

Her weaknesses aren't really big weaknesses, but they work for the most part. Overall, I'm fine with this.

Approved 2 of 2.
First Year Beacon Student: Rackley Winchester - The Hawkeye Sniper currently Teamless

Second Year Beacon Student: Jett Davenport - The Playful Shadow Knight of Team MLDC (Melodic)

Third Year Beacon Student: Suntalia Lyn Ryker - The Voice of Thunder currently Teamless

Fourth Year Beacon Student: Savas Carnelian - The Quiet Berserker Leader of Team SARK (Stark)

Beacon Professor: Oberon Falcov - The Man With A Plan / Team Strategy Teacher of Beacon