[Dr. Gustave]

Posts by a member. I HIGHLY doubt they care if I say who they are, but whatever. If the original profile isn't nuked, I'll post it.

Review for Connor Xuan Wu. Unfortunately, the profile was nuked and is unrecoverable.


You want thoughts? You flat out told me to post what I thought on Steam. Here it is.


I think the greatest surprise there is that he doesn't sparkle in the sunlight.

Congratulations, Connor, you have managed to embody every "OH MY GOD HE'S SO EDGY AND AWESOME" description trope popular amongst pseudo-goth high school freshmen.

"He doesn't take orders and he makes his enemies suffer" only to turn around with "but he's so kind and caring!" Add the bit about bullies, and you have both of the above come into place. He's a high schooler's self-insertion fantasy crossed with Twilight fan fiction.



I'M BARELY HALF WAY THROUGH AND WE'VE GOTTEN TO THAT POINT.

"When he was born, he was accused of being a bastard. He ran away from home all the way to the forever frosted forest-" What, as an infant!? Also, take a drink every time we got to a hideously cliche element like "HE RAN AWAY FROM HOME AND TRAINED TO BE A BADASS." I'd follow these rules, but I'd already be dead from liver toxicity. "He lived there for two years" before his home was destroyed by a snow ursa." That's... that's not too bad, except it's followed by an unknown uncle - so probably not so much his uncle as some guy who touched him - and "He ran home."

The home that was "all the way" away from the forever frosted forest. And there, shock and awe, he was welcomed by his parents.

Whom he had run away from.

And hadn't had contact with in two years.

Because Uncle Touchy had given him a blue rose.

Clearly, actual interpersonal relations don't matter when oddly colored foliage is involved. Or it's just shit writing.


"Nine years after being in school and growing to be a very well known warrior-" Excuse me, but well known by who? "Oh, that's that kid who ran way, got his butthole ravaged by his quote-unquote uncle for two years, and came back with a white rose someone added blue food coloring to the water to." Apparently, he's also a well known scholar, and well known idealist. More "LOL HE'S SO AWESOME" bullshit.



And then terrorists blow up his home. No reason given. No motives. Just "LOL HIS BACKSTORY IS SOOOOO TRAGIC" shit. Given that Connor wasn't there to witness the explosion, I'm preferring to think everyone on the block got together, decided they were sick of his shit, and burned their houses down to escape dealing with the Gary Sue twat.

"People call Connor the black warrior of the North." WHAT FUCKING PEOPLE.



Absofuckinglutely no mention of getting to Beacon, except, "Connor does not have a team because he was the only survivor of any of the students during their final tests in the Emerald Forest when gathering the relics at the temple." An entire fucking Initiation event wiped out, apparently. No. Just fucking no. More "LOL HE'S BADASS" stuff.



More of an NPC that I'm sure is just as poorly written as this one, and keeps pestering Ozpin so that Connor can be accepted into that team, and be accepted. Because HE'S A BLACK ROSE WITH THORNS AND HIS LIFE IS SO DIFFICULT AND WHY WON'T PEOPLE LOVE THE MYSTERIOUS BADASS WHO BEHAVES LIKE A COMPLETE TOSSPOT!?

Also, deciding what Ozpin tells Mary Sue #2. LOL NO. Fuck off.



I JUST FINISHED WITH HISTORY, AND LOOK HOW MUCH RANTING I'VE DONE. DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU'VE UNLEASHED, KOOP!?

And oh look, he's fucking amazing at everything. "HE'S SO STRONG, AND HAS A STRONG BUILD WHEN HE GOES IN GUNS BLAZING DESPITE NOT HAVING GUNS, AND HE CAN PICK LOCKS, AND HACK COMPUTERS, AND HE'S SUCH A GOOD SHOT AND KICKS ASS IN HAND TO HAND AND HE'S BEEN TRAINED SINCE HE WAS A SMALL CHILD TO BE SO AWESOME." Hahahahahahanofuckyouno.


His main weaknesses basically revolve around "He's a cunt." Oh, and he turns the weaknesses section around into more talking about how awesome Sparkles is.

... And weapons. At least they don't transform into fucking god beasts anymore, but...

That origin for it. That fucking origin. "IT WAS MADE FOR CONNOR'S UNCLE BY THIS KING BECAUSE CONNOR'S UNCLE IS A BADASS ROYAL GUARD BUT THE KING GOT KILLED." So... a sword-bow for a shit royal guard?





You asked me to, Koop. You asked for this.

And you have gotten it.