Author Topic: Azurblau "Corazon" Glasregen  (Read 4192 times)

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Azurblau "Corazon" Glasregen
« on: December 27, 2018, 01:41:43 PM »
CHARACTER

Name: Azurblau "Corazon" Glasregen

Age: 26

Species and Gender: Human, Male

Symbol:  A slanted teardrop-esque heart with the curves on the top separated and ends in a swirl

Occupation: Assassin, Spy, Huntsman

Appearance: Azurblau is a 5"7 foot tall man, he has an average build and has a body structure that looks rather feminine. He has slanted eyes, due to his heterochromia, his two eyes are in different color, his left eye is green while the right one is brown. He has a short kiddie bob cut hair that extends only to the bottom of his head with a fringe and a curl on the sides of his head that has its end reach his eyes. He wears a white dress shirt under a modified duster with a hood, he also wears a cape similar to a 1940s nurse cape on top of his duster, light blue dress pants and black dress shoes, he also wears black gloves. He wears a mask whenever he's assassinating someone so he can hide his identity. His mask lacks facial features except the holes for his eyes, it also has a rebreather on the mouth area of the mask for inhaling.

History: Born in a small town not far from Atlas, his parents decided to move to Atlas due to the blizzards that wreak havoc on the town and the famine its citizen suffers. They traveled on foot to Atlas, enduring the snowstorms by hiding inside abandoned houses, at one point Azurblau contracted an eye disease. After a week, they have reached Atlas and settled there for about a year, his parents had a decent job as traders and made more than enough money, his eye disease was cured but gave him Heterochromia as a side-effect. His parents then decided to move once again, but this time to Mistral. Instead of travelling by their own, they went aboard a public transportation ship as it is much safer. Not long after its departure, a group of ( 8 ) White Fang members revealed themselves and hijacked the ship to change its course to Vale instead, the security team tried to fight back but to no avail. The commotion caused by the passengers attracted a flock of Nevermore towards their ship, the White Fang members decided to throw away the passengers to make the flock go towards the falling passengers instead of them. The passengers started fighting the White Fang members which made the Nevermore even more attracted, a Nevermore attacked the ship, which made the ship crash near Vale. All the surviving passengers tried to run off to the nearest town but to no avail, as it started raining and they only got more lost, the White Fang members found them and tried to hold them captive once more. However, the commotion they caused yet again attracted Grimm, which viciously killed most of the passengers, the remaining passengers got killed by the White Fang member, with only Azurblau surviving, he was paralyzed in shock as the passengers, including his parents, get killed. Azurblau is left motionless as he feels powerless and shakes in fear instead of escaping, the White Fang members quickly took notice of him and tried to kill him. However, a mysterious stranger appeared out of nowhere and killed the two White Fang members with his gun and ran towards Azurblau to rescue him, he successfully carried Azurblau and ran off.

After a few hours, the stranger and Azurblau reached a small village not far from where he found Azurblau which turns out to be the stranger's hometown. The stranger took Azurblau to his home and told him his background and how he got to Azurblau. The stranger turns out to be a retired huntsman than just so happens to stumble upon the White Fang members and Azurblau while patrolling. He told Azurblau his name, Corazon, and decided to take care of Azurblau because his parents has died. Due to Azurblau's young age, he still doesn't know about the concept of death and thinks that his parents will come for him like the ones he saw in TV. Corazon started raising Azurblau like his own and told Azurblau the truth about the death of his parents at the age of 9. This caused Azurblau to emotionally break down and cry, after a few hours they visited the place where the massacre happened and buried the dead bodies of every passenger, Azurblau mourned his parents' death and continuously visits their grave at a weekly basis. Azurblau decided to become stronger to protect the ones he loved, Corazon then started to train Azurblau as an assassin and unlocked his aura after a few months of non-stop training. After a few years, Corazon told Azurblau more information about himself, like how he was also working as an assassin and information about his semblance, which is the ability to see heat signatures, he also revealed that he was blind and uses his semblance to replace his eyes. A few more years and Corazon decided to take Azurblau to Beacon where he can train to become a huntsman. Azurblau rejoiced since he wants to become a huntsman because he idolizes Corazon, although the joy was short lived as the men in the watchtower found the group of White Fang members reappears to get revenge on Corazon, it turns out that Corazon stole a bunch of Atlesian weapons from the camp of the White Fang members. The town was set on fire even before the citizens had time to evacuated, the panic of the citizens attracted Grimm. The White Fang members found the Corazon's home, knocked out Azurblau whom tried to protect the Corazon, and overpowers him with their number, he was beaten up by the White Fang members then he was left to burn as the White Fang members left to search for the Atlesian weapons. Corazon tried to reach out to Azurblau by shouting as he cannot see due to the fire and successfully woke up Azurblau. He told Azurblau to leave him behind and run away, but Azurblau disobeyed Corazon and tried to let Corazon lean on him to escape. However, it turns out that the White Fang members did not leave yet and ambushed Azurblau, the leader tried to shoot Azurblau but Corazon intercepted the bullet, killing him in the process. Due to the emotional stress Azurblau was feeling as he see another loved one die in front of him. Coincidentally, it started raining, due to the emotional stress he unlocked his semblance, though he doesn't have full control over it, the gang of White Fang members held Azurblau captive and forced him to tell them the place where Corazon hid the Atlesian weapons, Azurblau had no choice and told them that it was in the cellar. The gang of White gang members was then ambushed by a horde of Ursai, the White Fang members escaped the ambushed but they lost half of their members, after getting inside the cellar, they began to command Azurblau to get them the crate where the Atlesian weapons were contained. Azurblau found the crate and, instead of taking it to them, took a gun and rebelled against the remaining members of the White Fang gang. Azurblau only managed to two and left one remaining, the remaining member took the gun from Azurblau and tried shooting him with it. It turns out that Azurblau took Corazon's gun before he was taken by the White Fang members and hid it in his pants. He shot the remaining White Fang member while he was in the middle of taunting Azurblau. Azurblau then waited for the Grimm to leave and left the cellar, not before taking a few supplies. He buried Corazon's corpse and left the town.

Azurblau decided to travel to Vale and attend Beacon to become a huntsman like Corazon. In the end, Azurblau reached Vale and lived off pickpocketing for a while until he has enough to get to Beacon, he managed to make enough to get to Beacon and was accepted, he eventually graduated and became a huntsman. He noticed that he isn't making much as a huntsman, so he resorted to the underworld where he became a contract killer, or an assassin, though Corazon might have influenced his decision. He used Corazon's name to quickly gain fame throughout the underworld, as Corazon was infamous during his prime, Azurblau found that out after using Corazon's name as a nickname rather than a simulacrum. Due to his experiences and the skills he gained during his time in Beacon and while being trained by Corazon, he quickly made his name, or rather brought Corazon's name back to the underworld, by becoming an efficient assassin and spy. Though he is usually hired to kill people that hasn't unlocked their aura yet, as that was his preferred target. He usually doesn't speak with his employers, he only speaks to ask general questions. Due to his fame, his semblance is not much of a secret as his employers found out that he was able to kill his targets faster than normal during rainfall. Azurblau became more cautious by killing everyone who knows his semblance as it might get him killed if they managed to find out his weaknesses.

Personality: Azurblau behaves somewhat childish, as seen in his mannerism like how he usually stands with his legs crossed with his hands holding each other placed on the front of his body whenever having conversations with his superiors, his tendencies to hide the problems he caused like how a child hides the vase they broke, his highly expressive nature, even if what he spouts may come out as insensitive or offensive, and his speech pattern, wherein he extends his pronunciation of certain words with vowels in the middle. Due to his childish nature, he has poor social skills and can't differentiate with what's rude and what's not, it is seen in his tendencies to stand on top of someone when using his semblance to give him the ability to stand and walk in the air, another one of his strange tendencies is when finding a certain person, he is prone to look at unlikely places ( such as toilet bowls and pipes ). He has high regards and deeply loyal towards his superiors, he acts like a child behaving to their parents towards them. He is very apologetic, simple-minded, as seen in the way he uses his semblance, lacks social skills, since he doesn't know if his actions are rude or not, and oblivious, as he prone to gawk and being fooled. Though childish, he can become serious and matured from time to time, usually whenever taking on a heavy topic or in a dire situation, he becomes more sincere and/or grim, he behaves like an adult instead of an oblivious child, showing confidence by shouting and moving more lively, being more concentrated in conversations and takes note of important points, and aggressive though he still has his odd mannerisms. He is caring towards the people he loves and tries to protect them the best he can, even risk his life for them, people that he is fond and has a close bond with are in a higher regard than his superiors. He still shows some sympathy towards strangers as well, he is willing to protect citizens that are endangered. Due to his history with the White Fang, he deeply despises them to the point of killing every member he sees, he doesn't take contracts by any White Fang member or associate, and he even hunts down every White Fang base he knows. Despite his relationship with the White Fang, he still doesn't exhibit any discrimination nor oppression towards Faunus, as he was from Atlas and he saw the slavery done to them, which he realized after seeing it again after passing by a town on his way to Vale. He treats them like normal people, but with slight pity, although he does take caution when meeting Faunus that are complete strangers to him as he doesn't know if they are a member of the White Fang or not. However, he does go through emotional outbreaks and outrages when having a conversation with a Faunus that went on for too long, as it will go deeper and deeper until the topic switches to the crimes of the White Fang, specifically towards him, which showcases that he still has an uncontrollable grudge towards the Faunus race even if they know that not all Faunus are part of the White Fang. In combat, his personality takes a slight change, he becomes ruthless, analytic, and violent, as seen in his combat behavior, he doesn't show any sympathy towards his targets, this may also allude to his occupation as a contract killer.

His personality also takes a change when asked certain questions, like why did he chose to become a huntsman/assassin, or when Corazon gets hinted or mentioned. He becomes emotional, to the point of crying, he refuses to talk further, and he will become aggressive to the person he's talking with to stop him from talking any further, it's almost like all of his personalities and mannerisms have been replaced with sorrow and ignorance, he doesn't show respect nor loyalty towards his superiors, he pronounces words rather normally, and he even stands with confidence, he sobs and weeps for the whole period of his change in personality. Although his personality goes back to normal after some time alone. This odd change in personality may allude to his relationship with Corazon, as he's been with and taken care of Corazon the most, his parents die pretty early off and Corazon took care of him until he was 15. Corazon might also be the reason of his child-like behavior as Corazon is a bad caretaker, he doesn't know how to teach kids to grow up. It is most likely as Corazon is the biggest influential figure of Azurblau's life, even outright says that Corazon is his main driving force to become what he is and defends him whenever he gets dissed with boldness, gratitude, and audacity, though he does cry after saying all his statements.

Aura: Aura Color: Wisteria
His wisteria aura is a representation of both his serious side and innocence, due to wisteria being a lighter purpler. The purple is his serious side since purple is mostly used to describe someone evil, and the lightness of the purple is his innocence as he is childish, the lightness is used to represent his innocence due to light being often used to signify good or justice.

Semblance: Rain Transmutation
Despite the name, his semblance has little to do with rainfall, though rainfall does up his ability a bit. Azurblau's semblance is to make the water, that had physical contact with the aura shielding Azurblau, undergo a transmutation to become glass. The water will undergo 3 phases before becoming into glass, the first phase is that the liquid will become motionless, then the liquid will then become solid enough to be stood on by Azurblau, the final phase is to fully become glass, if the glass were made from the droplets was made motionless mid-air, the glass will remain floating mid-air until Azurblau used his aura to compel them forward at high speeds, or if he just chooses to let gravity affect them once more. The water will not permanently become glass, the length of the liquid being glass depends on how long Azurblau wants it to be glass. He can rotate and launch it but he cannot freely move it using his mind, or aura.

Capabilities: The main ability of Azurblau's semblance is to turn liquid into glass, so he can do a multitude of things with it. He can create shards from water droplets then launch them towards his opponent using his aura, he can cut his opponent by splashing water that is undergoing the transmutation at them, and/or trapping his opponents inside glass by turning the water surrounding them into glass. Azurblau can also stop the transmutation process to just phase one or phase two, which he uses for transportation. By the stopping the process on phase two, he can step on them and tread using them, he can then make the droplets around him motionless as well. He can also walk on water by stepping on the area of the water, then stopping the process on phase two.  During rainfall or being in near a body of water, his semblance becomes even more useful as he can turn the raindrops and the body of water into glass or stop them from moving and step on them. He is very proficient with his semblance, to the point of being able to make water undergo the process without touching it, although it does use more aura.

Limitations: The first limitation of his ability is the requirement for water. And no, the water inside organisms does not count. Another limitation is the natural weaknesses of glass, as it's too brittle. Though Azurblau can alter its properties, although it will use more aura, also Azurblau can't create items that are too complicated. The liquids that will undergo the process will require time to fully complete the process ( he can stop water from moving almost instantly, half a second to make it solid enough to stand on, and a full second to turn it into glass ), the larger the shape he's trying to make, the more aura and time it consumes, speeding up the process will use up aura, also making him lose focus will reverse the process. Another limitation is that the glass form of the water he converted is only temporary, the longer they are in their glass form, the more aura it consumes. The droplets that are motionless mid-air and are being used for transportation has no offensive capabilities, they will remain mid-air and touching them on their sides will cause them to split and go over the limb then reform back after the limb leaves the location they're in, which means they are basically harmless.

Relation to the user: One of the reasons his semblance is Rain Conversion is his methodical-like personality, he eagerly follows his procedure of fighting when in combat, which mirrors his semblance's ability to make water undergo a process before turning into glass. The reason to why his semblance is to make glass is due to his transparent relationships and behaviors with the people he knows, it is easy to perceive his loyalty and respect he has on his superiors, his protectiveness towards the people he cares about, his childish behavior and mannerisms, and his relationship with Corazon, as it is easy to perceive that he heavily idolizes him. The reason to why he needs water to make glass, by turning them into glass, is due to his purity, despite his job as a professional assassin and his villain-like demeanor, being from the underground and all, he is still somewhat a child, it is transparent in his child-like behavior that he is still somewhat of a child and has little to no understanding of morality.

Combat Behavior:
He is a highly skilled close quarters combatant, as it is his preferred fighting style, he's proficient in martial arts, he is also very agile and athletic. He exhibits a somewhat superhuman strength, as he is capable of kicking Ursai to a far distance and break boulders with it. He uses his umbrella as a weapon and he's quite proficient with it. He uses his umbrella to splash his opponents with water droplets and as a aura conduit.

Against Humans and Faunus: His fighting style depends if his opponent uses aura or not, if not then he will kill him using his gun at point-blank-range. If his opponent uses aura, he will dodge and block every attack for some time until he has analyzed his opponent's capabilities, semblance, and fighting style. If he figures out that he can beat his opponent, he will retaliate with a heavy attack with his umbrella or his arms or legs, then he will try to exhaust his opponent's stamina and aura until his opponent has been rendered unconscious or has depleted their aura, then he will finish his opponent off with Heart of Nowhere, shooting his opponent at point-blank-range. If he knows he can't beat them, then he will try to retreat. He is weak at fighting on a moving vehicle.

Against Grimm: Being a huntsman, he is more than capable of killing Grimm. However, he still has chances to lose against gigantic and armored Grimm, or just gigantic Grimm in general ( e.g giant Nevermores, King Taijitu, and giant Deathstalkers ), he has a chance to win but a bigger chance to lose, or even die.

WEAPON
Name: Stargazer

Primary Form: An elaborately decorated light purple umbrella. The umbrella serves both as a shield, due to it being nigh unbreakable, and a way to splash people with raindrops and transform the mist into glass. Another way of using his umbrella is thrusting it at high speed to wedge it through his opponent.

History: The umbrella is one of the Atlesian weapons that the gang of White Fang members stole, which was taken by Corazon. The umbrellas were originally commissioned by the Atlesian military to act as a device for the citizens to protect themselves since it is nigh unbreakable. Azurblau took the umbrella from Corazon's cellar which contained all the Atlesian weapons he stole, he took the umbrella because it syncs well with his semblance, which he discovered by accident when he saw a hole on the ceiling that was dripping water, he noticed that he was able to stop the movement of the raindrops the were falling. He then designed the umbrella not long after settling in Vale and naming it.

WEAPON

Name: Heart of Nowhere

Primary Form: A decorated and modified revolver. It has 10 chambers instead or 6.

History: Heart of Nowhere is originally Corazon's gun, which he used as a sidearm. After his death, Azurblau took the gun in memory of him. Azurblau usually uses Heart of Nowhere to assassinate his targets that has not unlocked their aura, or opponents that has exhausted their aura.
« Last Edit: January 03, 2019, 08:26:27 AM by Maikel Maylord »
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ReaperJoe

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Re: Pervinca "Corazon" Piovere
« Reply #1 on: December 27, 2018, 02:42:17 PM »
Hi there, welcome to the site!  It looks like you've found everything okay, so I'm just gonna start off with the review.

Before I begin, though, I'd like to clarify that I'm not a mod, so take everything I say with a grain of salt.  If a mod contradicts me, go with what they say.

So, right off the bat, you've given your character a nickname, but you haven't explained why he has that nickname, where he got it, or who uses it.  It's cool to give your character epithets, but you're going to have to justify it in your history.

Second, before even reading your history, I can tell you that a 17-year-old assassin is probably not gonna fly.  After reading the history, I can definitely tell you that a part-time assassin is almost certainly not a thing.  Also, you're going to want to change the "Huntsman" part in your occupation to 1st Year Beacon Student, as Huntsman are generally high-level fighters that have gone through four years of training at a combat academy and (more importantly) have an official license.

In your history, I'm pretty sure Argus is actually on the Mistral continent (I forget the official name), but I could be wrong.  I'm not gonna comment too much else on this history, mostly because backstories are generally a weakness of mine, though I will say that your character's probably going to have consider a different part-time job.

Personality wise, you probably might want to add something about his opinion of Faunus, considering how involved the White Fang is in his backstory.

As for your semblance, I'm gonna go ahead and say that you'll probably have to nerf it.  The capabilities to shape weapons out of water, turn invisible, and teleport are powerful enough to warrant being a full semblance on their own (and even then, there would need to be a limit).  Furthermore, you'll probably need to clarify a few things anyway:  Does it only work with rainwater, or can he use any form of water (or any form of liquid, for that matter)?  Also, even if it is limited by the weather, you'll still probably need some sort of limiter.

The combat behavior will probably need to be revised simply because of all the other changes that (I think) need to be made, but as it is, it's pretty okay.  You'll probably have to elaborate on your weaknesses a bit more, probably adding something about what type of opponents give him trouble.  For instance, would a big brute that specializes in locking down enemies give him a hard time?

Anyways, that's my (unofficial and not-fully-comprehensive) review.  If you have any questions, feel free to ask a mod on the discord server for additional help. 
Smokey Emberstone Beacon 1st Year and the Immovable Gunslinger of Team DASE "I've got more than enough firepower to beat you" "You've only got one bullet!" "Like I said, more than enough"

Aurelia Lumen Beacon 3rd year and the Warhorse of Team (TBD)  "Lay down your weapons, lest you wish to taste my steel!"

Wabul "Toast" Paka Shade 1st year and the Acrobatic Swashbuckler of Team (TBD)  "Hey, I'm gonna go jump off a bridge, who's with me?"

Lucas Meridiem Beacon 1st year and the Hermit of Team CLVS  "What's so great about 'bittersweet'?"

Clara Meridiem Beacon 1st year and the Blast Magician of Team (TBD) "No one likes just plain ol' bitter"

August Flare Beacon 1st year and the would-be ruler of the world "Join me, and witness the Brightest Future!"

Hexcodes:
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Kingnoname1

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Re: Pervinca "Corazon" Piovere
« Reply #2 on: December 27, 2018, 04:34:10 PM »
(Reaper already hit most of the points but I can't really be bothered to reword this to take out the bits he has already said)


OK, so this character has a few issues so I might as well jump straight in.

Why is 'Corazon' in quotations? Is it a nickname? If so, that requires a bit of background.

No one is going to hire a 17-year-old kid to be an assassin, that's really silly.

There are quite a lot of grammatical issues in your backstory and although we don't expect everyone to be perfect this medium is about communication through written word so I would suggest using a tool Grammarly do double check you are making as much sense as possible.

On to the content of the history itself. There seems to be an implication that Pervinca fought Grimm well before he was nine, that's really silly please remove it. So if the White Fang attempted to highjack the ship after it departed how does the stranger get anywhere close to it considering it is at sea? The stranger not revealing his name after 8 years does seem a little strange. An assassin and a huntsman don't really have much skill crossover considering the completely different targets and circumstances. You should probably mention that Pervinca wanted to be a huntsman before. Having a berserk mode in which allows Pervinca to kill a bunch of trained fighters with his just discovered semblance is silly and hard to balance please remove it. Again kiddy assassins are silly.

The personality has a few rather contradictions although I imagine those are on purpose. I would suggest rewriting it so it's a little smoother.

The semblance does far too much,  there are people whose entire semblance are illusions or invisibility or projectile attacks or teleportation. Choose one. Also limitations need to be a little clearer for terms of balance.

Being able to make it rain and teleport kinda makes the weaknesses of needing rain and being close quarter based kinda meaningless right?

If Pervinca can control raindrops why does he need an umbrella to splash people with?

It's not a bad first attempt and if you have any questions please feel free to ask either here or on discord.
No criticism is too harsh so hit me with your best shot.

Calen Shrike - ASTC - First Year Beacon.

Saffron de Cortez - SALT - Third Year Atlas.

Amarant Lovis - (formerly of)ACCE - Headmaster of Atlas Academy

Ramalia - RASB - First Year Shade

Maikel Maylord

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Re: Pervinca "Corazon" Piovere
« Reply #3 on: December 28, 2018, 12:50:34 AM »
So, first of all, this is my first time using forums so I barely know how to do things here except replying and creating threads, so forgive me if this is not the correct way of respond to a reply. So anyways, I have revised the character with accord on the criticism, mostly his history, personality, and semblance. So I made his semblance's limitation and ability clearer than the last one, as the last one wasn't able to clearly express its limitations. I still don't know about the history so please criticize it, I'm not really the type of person to write down a rather long past of a past of a minor character, as Pervinca is supposed to be a somewhat minor character. His status as an assassin is heavily inspired by Mercury Black and Emerald Sustrai being assassins ( although I don't think Emerald is much of an assassin as Mercury ) at a very young age as they were both able to attend Beacon, although please criticize the personality a bit more as I am not really satisfied with it, maybe give some tips. Also, please clarify if his semblance and combat abilities seem overpowered or not, because I feel like it is. I also forgot to add the reason to why his nickname is Corazon, which is one of the purpose of the stranger that saved Pervinca, and putting Argus in Solitas is my mistake, since I thought it was in Solitas as part of Atlas.

Not much to say so, in conclusion: Please criticize the history a bit more since I did it while being being deprived of sleep, meaning I wasn't thinking straight and might've done a bit of typos and/or under-explaining things or writing events that seems impossible or silly for you or just in general, so point those out for me and criticize it, if you could give me tip on fixing it then give me tips. Other than the history, I need clarification if his abilities is too overpowered or not, or if it is under-explained. I don't really have anything to go against the criticism as I was, as mentioned before, deprived of sleep when I began writing Pervinca's profile, which is my fault for not sleeping. So yeah, nothing against the criticism.
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Re: Pervinca "Corazon" Piovere
« Reply #4 on: December 28, 2018, 05:40:09 AM »
We were all new once so you don’t have to explain yourself. You don’t have to go in to considerable detail if you don’t want to but it is still rather strange to have Corazon referred to as ‘the stranger,’ which he still regularly is, when Pervinca has probably known him for only a little bit less than his own parents. The issue with the Mercury Black comparison is that although Black is trained to be an assassin, or at least we assume so having been able to kill his father the actual assassin Cinder wanted, he still isn’t an assassin. We never see him work contracts or the like and his access to Beacon is entirely through Cinder which Pervinca doesn’t have. Just think about how Pervinca goes about getting these contracts, who would offer contracts to a child and who would offer contracts so easy that a child could accomplish them. I understand you want Pervinca to be a phenomenally deadly fighter but when he is competing with adults he is going to be outclassed. The semblance still does far too much, in fact it seems to do even more than last time. Making projectiles is a semblance, creating shields is a semblance, phasing through attacks is a semblance, teleporting is a semblance, running on effectively air is a semblance. You can’t have five different powerful semblances that is really really silly. Choose one.

OK so advice with the personality, you begin with the phrase ‘Pervinca behaves like a formal gentleman’ and then the vast majority of the personality is about how ungentlemanly Pervinca is. If you are going to have contradicting personality traits, which is perfectly fine as long as they aren’t conflicting personality traits, they need to be explained more so rather than simply stating Pervinca behaves like a formal gentleman tell us how he does.

The history is serviceable. When you have had a little rest try to read it aloud to yourself and you will find repeat yourself a bit and have fragmented sentences which make it difficult to follow.
No criticism is too harsh so hit me with your best shot.

Calen Shrike - ASTC - First Year Beacon.

Saffron de Cortez - SALT - Third Year Atlas.

Amarant Lovis - (formerly of)ACCE - Headmaster of Atlas Academy

Ramalia - RASB - First Year Shade

Maikel Maylord

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Re: Pervinca "Corazon" Piovere
« Reply #5 on: December 28, 2018, 09:41:01 AM »
Ok so, I heavily nerfed Pervinca as he is no longer an effective assassin and removed lowered the extent of the control he has over raindrops. Just to clarify things, his ability is not to walk mid-air, to materialize sharp objects, or to make shields, his ability to to manipulate some properties of raindrops, he is able to walk mid-air by making the raindrops stop and solidifying them enough to be able to support his whole body, he is able to create saws by moving all raindrops toward one and condensing them, then he shapes them into that object. His ability relies on rainfall, meaning he cannot use his semblance when it's not raining since it can only specifically control pure rainwater. Another clarification is his part-time job as an assassin, he is hired due to Corazon's reputation as an assassin and his skills in espionage, not his. His employers and possible employers does not know his real identity as he uses a simulacrum, which is Corazon, to hide it, that's why he's being hired.

I didn't writing down the first clarification since it might make the reader look stupid

Other than clarification, I made Pervinca into a rather effective spy than an efficient assassin as a nerf, so he is usually hired as a spy. His semblance received a big nerf, for me at least, as he is no longer able to teleport nor separate body parts. I also revised his personality a bit. So yeah, the history is still a bit wonky for me. I fixed a few mistakes ( e.g repeatedly calling Corazon "the stranger" even after his name was established, the cause of Pervinca's Heterochromia, and his under-explained history as an assassin ( like how he was hired as an assassin, etc ) ).

Right now, the only problem is his semblance, as it seems to be overpowered. Please give some tips on how to nerf his semblance, also just to clarify once again: his semblance is highly situational, it requires rainfall, which is something I think is a heavy nerf, making it a somewhat weak ability since it never usually rains in the RWBY World, I think it only rained once in the entire series.

So yeah, give me a tip on fixing his semblance and check if his status as a not-so efficient assassin is alright, and if his history is not wonky nor unrealistic. I may sound pretty annoyed or angry in this reply, but that's because I am once again deprived of sleep, so I can't think of another way of writing this right now.
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Kingnoname1

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Re: Pervinca "Corazon" Piovere
« Reply #6 on: December 28, 2018, 10:33:19 PM »
Right so in regards to the semblance, the core issue we seem to be having is you want a more powerful semblance that can only be used some of the time. We are never going to be able to properly balance that with more consistent characters so it’s not something we can realistically take into consideration. It’s also not an engaging mechanic for other people to deal with, either for people you are fighting with or against as well as those who design the threads for Pervinca to participate in. Losing because the other guy effectively had their favourite breakfast is kinda silly. Inversely Pervinca will just have to be not very good the vast majority of the time and I doubt that will be particularly fun.

Using Corazon’s reputation isn’t a point in Pervinca’s favour here, Corazon would need to be famous, or infamous I guess, enough to get Pervinca through the door but not famous enough to have anyone know anything about him. There is still the issue of how Pervinca is getting these contracts and how is he accomplishing them. If a someone who has only just entered the huntsman academies can do these tasks then surely there are other people who can do them and do them better. Being a spy isn’t any better because all the same issues apply.

You also probably don’t want you spy/assassin to be ‘oblivious’ and ‘unattentive,’ sounds like a very quick way to die.
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Re: Pervinca "Corazon" Piovere
« Reply #7 on: December 29, 2018, 04:55:32 AM »
Ok so, now if from what I read, the biggest problem that my character has is its semblance and his occupation as an assassin ( correct me if I'm wrong ).

First, his semblance: I somewhat revised his semblance, by removing almost all of the control it has over rain and only let one remain, although I did add 2 new more. The only reason I also revised his personality is because the old one makes him seem like a main protagonist-type character, rather than the minor antagonist-type character I was intending to make.

So I made his semblance instead into a way of transportation and attacking with sharp object.

So yeah, I keep reading criticisions about Pervinca being a kid and an assassin is silly, I ran out of ways of making it less silly without changing his age, so I changed his age. He is a bit older now and has graduated from Beacon instead of being a student.

So right now, I feel like the semblance would still be a problem. So if the semblance is still a problem, please suggest qualities to nerf it some more.

P.S: I made the formatting of the profile slightly better to look at as I hate reading seas of letters and words, also because it looks better. Although I didn't add coloring because I don't know how.
« Last Edit: December 29, 2018, 12:39:40 PM by Maikel Maylord »
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Kingnoname1

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Re: Pervinca "Corazon" Piovere
« Reply #8 on: December 30, 2018, 03:49:05 AM »
So I don't think there is anything wrong with this character now it's jumped a power level only I feel that I must say you might struggle to find threads for a non-school character. The villain and villain-eseque characters the better imo and you if would like help I'd be happy to provide some but you will have to do a lot yourself.

also bbcode is a bit complex to begin with but each colour has a code attached to it so its then . Basic colors can just be written in so blue is [color= blue]blue[/color] without the space
« Last Edit: December 30, 2018, 04:04:01 AM by Kingnoname1 »
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Re: Pervinca "Corazon" Piovere
« Reply #9 on: December 30, 2018, 04:54:33 AM »
So I don't think there is anything wrong with this character now it's jumped a power level only I feel that I must say you might struggle to find threads for a non-school character. The villain and villain-eseque characters the better imo and you if would like help I'd be happy to provide some but you will have to do a lot yourself.

also bbcode is a bit complex to begin with but each colour has a code attached to it so its then . Basic colors can just be written in so blue is [color= blue]blue[/color] without the space

Just for clarification, may I ask if the character or his semblance is alright or if it's overpowered, since I have plans on changing it a bit so it won't be as situational and more focused on a single element rather than both mist and raindrops.
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Re: Pervinca "Corazon" Piovere
« Reply #10 on: December 30, 2018, 08:03:22 AM »
The more general the semblance the more Pervinca is going to need a mana bar type mechanic to limit how much he can use his powers but sure.
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Re: Pervinca "Corazon" Piovere
« Reply #11 on: December 30, 2018, 10:26:08 AM »
So I changed his semblance to a less situational one.

I just need to know if whether this one is better or more overpowered than the one before this. Another choice is to fully rewrite his semblance into something else that has little or no correlation with the current one ( being able to manipulate raindrops ) as I have already come out of a replacement, also since I keep thinking that Pervinca's current semblance is overpowered or just doesn't feel like a semblance.

Anyways, I just need answers to those to finally, maybe, finish Pervinca.
« Last Edit: December 31, 2018, 01:57:00 AM by Maikel Maylord »
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Re: Pervinca "Corazon" Piovere
« Reply #12 on: December 31, 2018, 02:04:58 AM »
So I changed his semblance to a less situational one.

I just need to know if whether this one is better or more overpowered than the one before this. Another choice is to fully rewrite his semblance into something else that has little or no correlation with the current one ( being able to manipulate raindrops ) as I have already come out of a replacement, also since I keep thinking that Pervinca's current semblance is overpowered or just doesn't feel like a semblance.

Anyways, I just need answers to those to finally, maybe, finish Pervinca.

Ok so, I made the decision to change Pervinca's semblance, which made it have "little or no correlation" with his former one. I changed it because I seriously don't feel like it feels like a semblance. I made it more like Pyrrha's semblance, which requires Pyrrha to touch the metallic item to be able to manipulate it ( although, due to her proficiency, she can manipulate metal without touching it ). I also made the reason to why Pervinca has that type of semblance clearer. I changed his fighting style against Grimm a bit, because I find it rather absurd that Beacon will allow someone who can't kill Grimm to graduate.

So yeah, Pervinca is probably almost finished. If you can, review it or criticize it since I rushed the writing of the new things, even this message is rushed. I need to know if there are things that are not clear, if somethings absurd or silly, if he's overpowered, and/or if there's some under-explained things. If there are, criticize it or point it out.
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Re: Pervinca "Corazon" Piovere
« Reply #13 on: January 01, 2019, 01:00:17 AM »
Yea Pervinca seems fine although doesn't his semblance being activated through physical contact mean that the umbrella doesn't work?
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Re: Pervinca "Corazon" Piovere
« Reply #14 on: January 01, 2019, 08:19:59 AM »
Yea Pervinca seems fine although doesn't his semblance being activated through physical contact mean that the umbrella doesn't work?

That was an error. It's been rephrased.
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