[Pyro_Ferno]

CHARACTER

Name: Mura 'Kitsune' Sakino

Age: 17

Species and Gender: Fox Faunus Intersex (looks female, but prefers to be anonymous in his/her true gender. Can be called whatever the viewer prefers)

Symbol:  http://pathfinderwiki.com/mediawiki/images/d/d9/Daikitsu_holy_symbol.jpg
(Specifically the fox)

Occupation: first year Beacon student

Appearance: An unassuming 'female' standing at 4'8" (short stature is a thing that can cause people to be way shorter than average), Mura's favorite color is purple. They wear mostly androgynous versions of clothes, including various shades of red, blue, and mostly purple. Mura has very pale skin and moderate length auburn hair. Even though they look like a female, they are actually intersex, containing male and female genitalia. They mostly wear 'traditional' Japanese haori, with the addition of a hanzashyi. They also wear a scarf with every outfit, unless the weather would not permit it to be around their neck, in which case it becomes a cloth belt. Mura is heterochromatic, having one golden and one bright blue eye. They have one fox tail, with an interesting function (see aura and semblance). Out of combat, any style of loosely fitting clothes are options, as long as they are at least purple.

History: Sakino Mura was born on Niege 13, to Ketsue Sakino and Kimi Yuki (her maiden name, which everyone calls her), Mura's fox Faunus father and human mother, respectively. Mura also has a fraternal twin sister, Mōbu. The two have a very interesting feature, being chimeras. The two have what looks to be parts of each other woven into themselves and share others. One feature they share is genitalia, having both male and female genitalia. No one in the family knows how this came to be, as both children appear female while clothed. Mura also has one of her 'sister's' eyes, while Mōbu has two blue eyes. Mōbu has a fondness for her femininity, saying she is a girl with some male anatomy. Mura, however, has no idea about what gender they want to be, usually using androgynous words to describe themselves. Mura attends any peaceful Faunus Rights protest they can, hopefully wishing that enough Faunus in an area will deter any plans formulated by the White Fang. Mura applied for Signal soon after awakening their aura and semblance at the age of 12 while missing their father, wishing to see them, suddenly seeing Ketsue standing at the foot of their bed, seeing it as their chance to see the world, meet people and find love, a sentiment Mōbu didn't share. They forged Kōkatsuna Fokkusubureido and Kareina baransuburēdo, as well as continuously maintaining a pouch of twenty instances of Jinsokuna ningen no ha each. They made many friends and had passable grades, but more respectable grades in history, literature, and combat tactics. They also fell in love. She was a lovely girl, already having confessed to her own family about being bisexual by the time she met Mura. The two went on many dates and were quite a good fit for each other, the two dated till both were 16, the first time they attempted sex. That night ended with a crying Mura preventing Mōbu, the only other person in the house, from chasing and killing the girl who ran out of the house yelling the one word Mura fears most, 'freak'. That was two months before graduation, which they nearly didn't attend. It took Mōbu, the one who wanted her sibling to be safe, to remind Mura of why they went to the academy in the first place.

Personality: Mura takes after both their parents and sister. Being quite social and eager to please. They have a particular fondness for riddles. Mura is extremely shy about their intersex characteristics, but is very fervent about the use of hermaphrodite instead of intersex, as most people they have seen use the former in place of the latter. Mura is more attracted to females, but is willing to find love wherever they can. Despite being very confident around others, Mura is incredibly fearful of being called a freak due to their gender. Mura is against sexism, but is too scared to actually act on it. If called a freak, Mura will likely run and hide in one of their safe spots outside of the general area. They are addicted to all types of tea, but is especially attached to green tea. Mura has been classified as 'multi-mood' by both friends and family, as well as 'psycho' by strangers, due to their tendency to shift to extremes of emotions instantaneously and at the slightest trigger, crying their eyes out one second then attack the person who insulted them the next. Most experts say that this is due to conflicting male and female hormones, which Mura says is a hormone imbalance. Mura is interested in various forms of everything, such as music on both the orchestral/dubstep and rock/country axes. They love anything that has a special meaning, such as Shirk's song Haunted. Despite their friendly attitude, Mura has self esteem issues, often curling up in a corner after an insult, no matter how slight, and is always blushing of some form of embarrassment. They are, however, very trusting and extremely loyal to a cause they believe in.

Aura and Semblance: Mura's Aura is surprisingly khaki. No one truly knows why. Mura's semblance is illusory copies, allowing them to make perfect copies of any object they see. Mura can create up to eight copies of the same object and control them perfectly. This, however, takes total concentration, causing them to not be able to move, talk or do anything that requires focus. In combat, four copies can be made while still allowing them to fight, but this still takes effort and hampers combat. Their true strategy is to create only one copy, which takes little effort to create, maintain and manipulate. The illusions can be moved by mental command, but are non-solid and create no sound, smell, force, nor do they perceive. The illusions are purely an extension of Mura's will to conceal their true location. For every illusion created, Mura gains an illusory tail, leading to the nickname 'kitsune'. If creating an illusion of an object or person other than themselves, this requires visualization or familiarity, lest the object become malformed. The illusions can be created anywhere within twenty feet, and instantly disappear if they leave that range or line of sight, whichever comes first. It takes a few seconds to create an illusion, and they are made one at a time. The illusions turn semi-transparent to a person upon that person learning that they are not truly there. The stress is proportional to how many illusions are created in rapid succession, leaving just enough focus to maintain eight mobile illusions. One illusion generally stresses Mura just enough to slow them down for a few seconds

Combat Behavior:  Mura uses subterfuge, stealth, and a gratuitous amount of illusions in combat. They always favor using Baransu in sniper form to pick off vulnerable and/or individual opponents. At medium to close range range, Katsu in rifle form sees much use. When silence is required, Mura moves in closer to be able to use Sokuna. In melee, Sokuna is shifted into kunai to be used as a dagger. Despite the fact Mura carries so many weapons, and is willing to have more, they only ever wield one at a time. They also do not believe in shields. Mura has the most practice, and therefore more expertise, using Baransu. Stand-up fights are a struggle with Mura, having the melee forms of the other two of their weapons much more used. In effect, long, very close with Sokuna, and melee with Katsu are their main ranges

WEAPON

Name: Kōkatsuna Fokkusubureido (commonly Katsu)

Primary Form: A katana with a 26" blade.
http://www.weapons-universe.com/Martial-Arts/Martial-Arts-Swords/Blood-64.jpg

Dust Functions: The blade can be wrapped in an element, taking on an aura of said element. Fire, however, Mura puts through a special process to have the flame burn blue.

History: Kōkatsuna Fokkusubureido, or Cunning Fox Blade, is Mura's main weapon. Mura forged this blade in representation of their quest for the knowledge to make life better, prioritizing others over them self. The name is regularly shortened to Katsu by others and even Mura in combat. Mura has given Katsu a male identity, and sheathes him on their left side. The entire sword weighs four lb. and rests in a sheath strapped to Mura's left side. Katsu is seen as a way to fight in front line combat.

Name: Kareina baransuburēdo (commonly Baransu)

Primary Form: Baransu is an ōdachi, one with a purple grip and 56" length (4'8"). How this blade is formed is explained in it's history.

Secondary Form: Baransu is placed within it's sheath, allowing the mechanisms within to transform it into a sniper rifle. The grip and trigger are formed from the handle and hilt, inadvertently forming the stock. The sheath forms the body, shortening to a more rifle-like length, as well as thickening. The blade does the same, forming the barrel of a sniper rifle. The rifle is meant for longer ranges, and the sword form is as a backup in the case of a sneak attack.

History: Kareina baransuburēdo, or Splendorous Balance Blade, is Mura's heavy hitter. Mura forged this blade to represent Mura's view of everything having a bright side, even Grimm. In that case, though, it is tat they can be driven off. Baransu is the given nickname for the same reason as Katsu. Baransu was given no true gender designation, and shall be referred to as androgynous such as they. The sword itself weighs approximately 5 lb. The sheath weighs significantly more due to transformative mechanisms. The blade itself is also formed from the sheath as well which sharpens itself to an edge. The weight of Baransu slows Mura significantly, prompting a nest based tactic.

Name: Jinsokuna ningen no ha (commonly called Sokuna)

Primary Form: Ten instances of Sokuna are shuriken while the rest are kunai, all of which are colored blue.

History: Jinsokuna ningen no ha, or Swift Human Blade, is one of many identically shaped and named shuriken, stored in set a of 20. Each blade represents Mura's drive to keep moving and to be quick enough to be there for a friend, which everyone is. Sokuna is this one's given name, and is given femininity. She is always a she, no matter how many of her are missing. The total mass actually matches that of Katsu, marking the two as equals. The total weight of the shuriken and pouch, which rests on Mura's right side, is about five lb. As Mura prefers to stay at long range, Sokuna sees less use than Baransu.

[Dr. Gustave]

Alright, so I'm going to level with you before getting into the proper review. There's a lot going on with this character that isn't rule breaking but is verrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyyy mary sue-ish and special snowflakey.
 
Going from the top down.
 
Name through symbol is fine, you even justified the nickname later on, good on you.
 
Occupation: You need to add the year. I assume they're a first year, but still.
 
Appearance: We enforce gigantism on exceptionally large characters so we need to enforce dwarfism on exceptionally small characters. Because this short, like really short. This is them compared to an average woman (5'4") http://i.imgur.com/kP4GOA0.png And this is them compared to an average character on the site (6'2") http://i.imgur.com/Yv7Yarp.png See what I mean? I don't want to enforce dwarfism, I'd much rather you change the height to like 4'10. Which is the upper limit for dwarfism.
 
History: Fewwww things here.

Mura has actually joined the peaceful section of the White Fang, who approved of them to become a hunter (this is used genderless). Mura is not ashamed or deterred of being White Fang, but they don't say it unless asked, to which people recieve a nonchalant 'yes, the equality oriented faction'.

So this is dumb. Like, really dumb. There isn't a peaceful equality oriented faction of the white fang. They're literally terrorists. Are there people within the white fang who want equality through peace? Sure. But anyone with half a brain is gonna take their peaceful protests and equality marches AWAY from the literal terrorists. But if you wanna stay an open member of the white fang, that's fine. But Beacon won't accept an open member of a terrorist organization and you'll get beat in the streets or run away from for being part of it.
 

Mura applied for Signal soon after awakening their aura and semblance

Since she didn't unlock her aura and semblance in Signal, when/how did she?
 

They forged Kōkatsuna Fokkusubureido and Kareina baransuburēdo, as well as continuously maintaining three pouches of twenty instances of Jinsokuna ningen no ha each.

So this is part of a bigger problem throughout the profile There's a lot of Japanese names, titles, words, all that. Romanji, yes, but still Japanese. We've approved characters with Japanese influences and names and weapons and all that before and that's fine, but this is a lot and the issue is that there's not translation. This will be more addressed in the weapon section, but I just want to make it clear that this makes the profile seem very cliche and hard to approach, especially when you don't understand half the weapon names.
 

They made many friends and got near perfect grades.

This is the only comment on anything academic or combat related in terms of signal. We need more on that. How WERE her academics? How did she preform in combat classes? And making "near perfect grades" is another one of those mary sue things. I'm saying change it so they're a completely average student, just don't make them so perfect.
 
Personality: So I did a little research on hermaphrodite vs intersex. From what I can tell, intersex is like a broader generalization. Hermaphrodites are intersex but not all intersex are hermaphrodites, like how all rectangles are squares but not all squares are rectangles. That and hermaphrodite seems to be offensive to some people, including you character. This is all fine and good, no skin off my back, I just don't want someone going out and explaining untrue differences to people.
My only other issues with the rest of the personality is that it seems like one of those personalities that I've seen countless times where the profile says something along the lines of "They can flip between angry and sad at a moments notice" or "They'll cry at the slightest insult" and then that NEEEEEVVVVVVEEEEERRRRRRRRR happens. I just want to remind you that personality is an integral part of the character, and currently it seems more like you built it from the ground of as "I want to make an intersec character" instead of considering other aspects about it that might be separate from their sex.
 
Aura and Semblance: So this is a bit weird.

The illusions can be moved by mental command, but are non-solid and create no sound, smell, force, nor perception

If they create no perception then they can't be perceived. AKA they can't be seen. As is, this semblance would be literally useless as it would do literally nothing. I assume this is simply a mistake.
 

Their true strategy is to create only one copy, which takes little effort to create, maintain and manipulate.

In it's current state it seems like you want to spam this a lot. I just want you to know that semblances put a strain on users, and repeated uses moreso.
In addition to that, the semblance needs a range.
 
Combat behavior: Short but not godawful.
 
Weapons: Okay. Alright. Look. Wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too many weapons. ESPECIALLY if she stays 4'2". having 3 weapons with a minimum of 2 forms each? No way. Even if you make her taller, you need to reduce the amount of stuff. In addition, she currently has a weapon for pretty much every range, you can't be proficient at long range, mid range, short range, and CCQ. And remember how I said I'd talk more on the amount of Japanese stuff?
http://i.imgur.com/9QzYx4k.png
http://i.imgur.com/IV7H8jD.png
We have no idea what those are.

[Pyro_Ferno]

Ok, I made some changes as follows:

Occupation: That was a mistake I made, so fixed.

Appearance: Sorry about the height, that was based off a friend of mine, as she is nearly 4' tall, yet was never diagnosed with dwarfism. Changed the number, but they is still half a foot shorter than an average female.

History: changed WF to any peaceful protest made for Faunus Rights. Gave a year to the semblance as well as a cause. For the weapon names, I gave translations in the history section of each weapon. Each one was gotten from Google translate. Specified their good classes.

Personality: The first point is changed to be a bit more suitable. The second point, I will do happily. I actually have had personal practice in the emotionally unstable personality, as well as sheer apathy, but the latter is not important here.

Semblance: Both those points were massive screw-ups on my part, and both were fixed.

Weapons: I will be blunt here. I WANT three weapons and will adamantly fight to keep all three, but I have made some changes. The first is a specified weight for all three, as well as reduced the amount of shuriken, which was a ridiculous amount, in retrospect. The second was that I put a range of Proficiency represented by rate of use.

These were the changes I have made, and I am willing to work with the team to improve. I am not joking about the weapons, I want all three. I hope we can come to an agreement on this new copy.

[Dr. Gustave]

Alright, so most of the profile is now fine.
 
For appearance and personality, you need to be less reliant on canon examples for descriptions, "Yang's scarf" "pull a Blake" these things aren't awful by themselves, but you should use more descriptors.
 
For history, you still have the "Made near perfect grades" which, after talking with the staff again, isn't as big of an issue because, like, 90% of characters "were near the top of their class!" However, Mura has a lot on their plate. Love, classes, protests, weapon creation... maybe at least mention the large load they had going on.
 
Personality is fine now but faces some issues I'll hit on in the closing bit.
 

So after a lengthy conversation with the approval staff, we've come to what we think is a good compromise for the weapons. As I heard from king, you were dropping the AR form of the katana and making the odachi a second form of the katana, thus making the sniper a completely separate weapon. We think it would be smart to have the katana as the base form, the second form be the odachi via a sheath similar to Blake or Jaune's weapons, and then having the oadachi form able to turn into the sniper. We suggest doing that last part by have the mechanics needed for the sniper transformation mostly in the sheath. Maybe even have the sharpened edges of the sheath be retractable? All that said, we are fine with the sniper being separate, but having two large weapons on such  a small person would be inconvenient most of the time.
 
Now for the shuriken and kunai, we came to the conclusion that they're just too small to afford transformations complex enough to just round out a shuriken blade into a handle, but you can absolutely have ten kunai and ten shuriken. Or nineteen shuriken and one kunai. Or fifteen kunai and five shuriken. Basically anything that has a sum of twenty.
 
Now, the more annoying part of this. We talked a lot on character size, weapon size and weight, and the anime and RWBY trope of weapons weighing nothing. To put it bluntly, having all this is still going to be a strain on the character. Yes, many characters on the site have heavy weapons. Yes, there are short characters. There aren't any <5' characters with a large three form weapon and throwing weapons. There's two options here, either make the character ~5'2" (Ruby's height) or they'll have a disadvantage of the weapons being a strain on them whenever they have them on their person. It won't be SUPER HEAVY or anything like that, but it will be a constant feeling of "Man, there's this weight on my back and it's messing me up, but I guess I'll power through, but boy this sucks". You can disagree with this suggestion, but almost the entire staff agree that it is the way to go.
 
Now, before you say "well I mentioned that the weapons were 4/5lbs in the history!" Yes, swords are lighter than most people take them for, and 4lbs  for a katana is actually above the optimal range of weight, but the sheath that forms the odachi that also transforms into a sniper is going to be much heavier than 5lbs for a normal person. A Barrett M82 weighs ~30lbs without ammo and that doesn't have extra components allowing it to transform. The reason I bring this up is just for context, as specific weight should not be a main point in weapon profiles.
 

If you make these changes, you should be fine. The profile will be approvable. No rules will be broken. That's all well and dandy, but since it's your second character I feel need to mention a few things. First, a lot of this character is very generic and trope-y, leading to the whole thing feeling cliché. This isn't something that we're going to deny you over, but it is something you should keep in mind for future characters. As the number of characters you have goes up, the expectation of higher quality rises as well.

[Pyro_Ferno]

Ok, I made changes to the non-endnote areas, which I will get to. I think it would be notable to say that Baransu's sniper rifle stats are based off of the Accuracy International AWM. Just a little note for comparison. On the personality, that will stay as is, but for a good reason, which is my style. My style revolves around working a stereotype into a character people love. That, however, requires character interaction. I have three active characters elsewhere people love, one is the child in an adult's body. I got the hardass to care for her like the daughter he never had. Then there is the cynical genius, who has yet to properly smile, and the uber genius, who's verbal components for a sleep spell is to give a lecture, which people love due to the fact that I actually give a lecture on a random subject. I flourish in the rp, and that is where my characters truly take flesh. I can work out any other bugs the team sees, please just leave the personality out of it.

[Vox Machinae]

All review staff now have full permission to take the kid gloves off.

This is now less of a review and more of an execution. PseudoVoxreview at all.

[Dr. Gustave]

I think it would be notable to say that Baransu's sniper rifle stats are based off of the Accuracy International AWM.

That's all well and good, but like I said before, it's either raise the height, or there will be a strain on the character when holding a katana and a two-form sword/sniper. Weight, specifically, isn't the issue. The issue is having a 4'8" character with two weapons, one of them a large two-form weapons. Also you can remove the range of the sniper and simply say long range. There's not going to be a situation where you're going to need to know if something is within the range or just outside of it. Play it by ear.

As for the personality stuff, that might work where you RP elsewhere, but having been here for four years since the opening of this site and going from making shitty awful characters to making less shitty awful characters, I can tell you that it likely won't go like that. You're 100% able to try, I'm not stopping you, I'm just saying that it might not be as easy or perfectly planned like you think, and just in case it wasn't clear, the next character you make will be reviewed with a focus on quality of writing and aspects of the character rather than 'approvability', since it'll be your third character.

[Pyro_Ferno]

I added in that the weight prompts Mura to use their sniper/sword as purely a sniping implement, and the sword form is a backup.

As for the personality, I will tell you the same thing I have told literally everyone who has met my characters over the past six years I have been making them. Don't worry. If I receive flak from other players, the ones who generally have to deal with my ideas on non-mechanics, I will deal with it. If it gets too far, I will ask for an overhaul and start over. The thing is, most people actually like my ideas because they give my characters a chance. If you are not willing to do that, feel free to kick me from the site, ban me from the discord, and I will never come back. Just ping me on discord and I will not even question it.

[Dr. Gustave]

I have no intention of banning you from the site because we don't like your character or they aren't high quality. I have nothing against giving them a chance, and I was the one of the few people trying very hard to make sure the other staff members did so instead of just telling you to get better. So yes, you have your chance with both Mura and Nero, but that doesn't change the fact that the third character will still be judged harsher and have some focus on how you played with both the previous ones. Approved by group review.