Author Topic: Andrew Maxwell (moved to character creation)  (Read 7585 times)

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Andrew Maxwell (moved to character creation)
« on: January 03, 2017, 09:52:06 PM »
CHARACTER

Name: Andrew Maxwell

Age: 18

Species and Gender: Fuanus (Alaskan Husky dog breed)/ Male.

Symbol: N/A

Occupation: First year In beacon

Appearance: Maxwell is an average sized Fuanus, standing about 5'11 and weights around 160 lbs. Maxwell hair and fur are both brown with a small tint of white creeping along the tip of his hair and ears unlike his short tail which is completely white. Maxwell hairstyle is simple and nothing to crazy to attract unwanted attention to himself, short hair on the sides while the top is slightly larger which the front end to the left side. Working and living in poor conditions, Maxwell build is completely athletic.

Combat: When in combat Maxwell wears light plating armor for flexibly which is able to take some average to small attacks but it is horrible at protecting from heavy attacks/weapons, although it is a huge disadvantage for Maxwell, he wears this for maximum flexibility and light protection. The armor is  placed right on top of a black body glove. He obliviously wears his mask for protection on his face. The mask is plain white wolf mask, black shading around the eye holes and showing off sharp (fake) teeth as a imitation factor.

In public: Maxwell wardrobe is painstakingly fashionable or whatever is "modern". Unable to afford such luxury when he was little, seeing how much money he earns, maxwell would take the chance to dress in some nice skinny jeans with a v-neck shirt or perhaps the long shirt in cold chilly nights.

History: Maxwell had a rough childhood, he was never abused by his parents but the lifestyle that he was living in wasn't fair for a child. In the north region of Atlas, cold winter nights would be dangerous and harmful for a poor family but not Maxwell family. Although the living conditions where horrible, they would make it by the night with what little food and warmth they had. Luckily Maxwell father and mother where raised in the cold winter, making them immune to the harsh winter nights but for Maxwell, he despised it, shivering in his shabby bed, a singular piece of cloth to drape over the night wasn't enough. The parents bedroom wasn't any better either, they barely had enough space for the bed (which also had enough space for the both of them), whatever belongings they have.

The Maxwell family reason to move into Atlas was because one of their relatives told them that they can live a luxurious life with little to no cost at all, of course it was all a lie. The relative lied to them about the place they were going to live, he scammed them from their savings then disappeared from the face of the earth, leaving the family to live in a wood shed. Luckily for Maxwell, his father taught him how to defend himself while he went to work with him while his mother taught him educationally. While growing up Maxwell became more efficient in fighting, this soon lead on to where his father taught him how to hunt prey for food. Whatever income they had for food or house was all made by the young Maxwell and his father.

Maxwell wasn't able to go to any school in Atlas, due to having any money for the books and the I predigous staff and families that resides in the schools. Any education he received was from his mother who taught him how to write, read, math, basically homeschooled. Maxwell life was terrible outside the shabby shack, most of the other kids would tease and bully him of his poor lifestyle and being a Fuanus, most adults gave his father and Maxwell a hard time, giving the very low income, treating them like trash, and giving him humiliating jobs for all his life. Because of this, Maxwell too had work with his father in order to provide food for the home. As this continued, Maxwell soon began to despise humans with a burning passion.

The only thing Maxwell enjoyed when he was little is hunting, the only time when he felt like he had power was when he hunted and trianrd with his father out in the winter. It was a amazing feeling when he hunted down prey with his father, the feeling of overpowering enemies and not be oppressed by the humans was something he longed for. As Maxwell got better at hunting, he soon decided what he wanted to do in life, he wanted to become a mercenary not a hunter. His hatred for humans lead to the decision of "why should I protect the ones that hate my kind?" And decided the best way to life a wealthy life was to become mercenary. It was a good idea, killing was like second nature to Maxwell and he get to get revenge on those who made his life miserable.

As years pass by, Maxwell had acquired hunting and combat skills from his father at the age of eighteen. Maxwell soon decided that it was time for him to enroll himself into one of those academies to become a mercenary not a hunter (such as the one he got denied in Atlas). He left the shabby shack and went to persuit one of the family relatives. It took him weeks until he found his target. He asked for his family money back but the scammer already spent the money before, the scammer soon suggested an idea, he could get Maxwell into Beacon if he forgave him. Of course Maxwell took the scammer suggestion but instead of forgiving the scammer, he continues to use him and blackmail what he did to the officials. Unlike before, he got into Beacon by forging a fake transcript without going to any other school just  to get into Beacon.

Personality: Maxwell is a ruthless, instinctive, thorough type of person, never the type of person to disregard anything that would help him. Maxwell highly dislikes humans to the point that it's just plain racism in other people view. Although he is cold and contains a deep hatred towards humans, his feelings being around other Fuanus is completely opposite, he is more friendly and "nice" among Fuanus. He doesn't participate in most teams, he focuses more on himself than any of potential teammates well-being.

Aura and Semblance: Maxwell Aura is a light green color, like lime. His aura is more than average strength but not strong enough to tank massive hits, it's durable.Maxwell Semblance is active camo, upon activation, Maxwell can turn (and remain) invisible and his movements are silenced as long he either has his Aura up or doesn't move too much. 

Weakness: while the active camo is useful forany situations, the enemy could see a light green outline if Maxwell is cloaked close to them. The duration depends on how much aura Maxwell has left, while it doesn't drain the aura but it's performance and quality of cloaking heavily relies on how much aura Maxwell has.

Combat Behavior:  He is versatile, meaning that he will use anything to his advantage, including the field, the junk of items around him, or just his shoe if he has to. If anything Maxwell prefers to use his sniper rifle at the beginning of the fight

Weakness: Maxwell tends to understimate anybody that seem a easy pray to him, not fully aware what that "prey" true potential and strength might be, this could catch him off guard if his prey might be stronger than it looks. Maxwell tends to get annoyed and angry if his prey manages continues to survive his attacks, this prompts him to be more agreesive and reckless in the fight.

WEAPON

Name: Short and Sweet

Primary Form: A standard bolt action sniper rifle, the magazine carries around 5 rounds before depletion. The rifle carries a blade in the body of the weapon, by simply pressing a button on this sniper rifle (located on top of the cartridge holder) can switch into a normal glaive.  The main size of the weapon is about largely 6 ft, the glade of the Glaive is about 1.5 ft

Secondary Form: A standard Glaive, long pole while having a sharp blade in the front where the sniper head would be while the sniper head is placed on the bottom of the metal pole. Sweet and Short sniper rounds cam still be shot by the trigger in the lower half of the Glaive. The recoil of the sniper round is powerful enough that it can be used as a "power" thrust ( How Ruby uses her weapon by shooting her rounds to make her weapon fast and powerful swing). The total size of this weapon is about 7.5, including the blade as well

Tertiary Form: Short and Sweet can switch weapon forms for the third time once the weapon is set as a Glaive. On the middle portion of the metal pole of the weapon, there lies a small switch that can be only accessible if Short and Sweet is a Glaive, by flipping the switch, the glaive will collapse thus becoming a heavy chain-like whip, this also changes the blade into short little blades that run along the whip.  The length of the whip is about 7 ft, 

Dust Functions: N/A

History: Upon the creation of his weapon, Maxwell decided that he wanted a weapon that could best benefit his traits as a hunter, a long range weapon to pick off enemies from a distance, a close ranged weapon in case if things got close and personal,  lastly something to "bind" his targets. His father owned a sniper but stashed it away in case of robbers or shortage on food. He would sneak out at night with the sniper rifle and practice with it. The longer Maxwell practiced the rifle, the more proficient he got with it. Maxwell wasn't the one who enjoyed weapons such as knives, sword, or shotguns they all seemed to simple for him, when he discovered a Glaive when browsing a weapon catalog, he decided that kind of weapon was the type of weapon he needed, long pole to swing at enemies from a distance but it was considered close range as well. Finally, in his childhood he would use chains as his weapon when he got to work and he got back home from work for self defense. All these choices would lead to his finalized creation, a sniper/Glaive/Whip the perfect tool for a hunter.
« Last Edit: January 05, 2017, 02:11:00 PM by El bandito »

nathan67003

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Re: Andrew Maxwell (First character, i will gladly take criticism)
« Reply #1 on: January 04, 2017, 01:34:31 PM »
Check your formatting, not everything's supposed to be in bold.
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Helena Chlophyll, Ray of Sunshine of Team CHES
Scarlett/Corinth,Korynn,etc. Briggart/Topaz (In the works)
Max (mp)
Chloe (mp)
Maena Nadir, Coherent Beam of Team SSMR
Europa/Encela(dus)/Io/Callisto/Calypso (In the works)
Hannah Glass
Mark Cassini
Carlson Ferram
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"Living Weapon"
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Re: Andrew Maxwell (First character, i will gladly take criticism)
« Reply #2 on: January 04, 2017, 02:14:35 PM »
Unfortunately i can't seem to fix the bold on the text, It doesn't show the symbol on the text when i went to edit it, any suggestions or perhaps i should ask a mod?

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Re: Andrew Maxwell (First character, i will gladly take criticism)
« Reply #3 on: January 04, 2017, 02:42:16 PM »
The and is what causes it. Delete those from your text and done.
Valentine Bloodfang - First Year Closet Cripple of Team SLVA - "How much edge could an edge lord lord if an edge lord could lord edge? Fufufu~"

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Re: Andrew Maxwell (First character, i will gladly take criticism)
« Reply #4 on: January 04, 2017, 02:48:20 PM »
Perhaps you have the [ / b ] mark at the end of each section rather than just around each subheading.

As for the character itself just a few little things. In appearance you talk about 'plating armour' which I'm not sure of what you mean? I think you should fill personality out a bit more with some stuff referring to how he deals with Faunus? How does his hatred of Humans manifest? How does he act in a social setting? How does he act in a team? ect ect

But other than that you should probably add weapon lengths, particularly for the glaive and whip, how long Andrew can remain in active camo and what's his aura strength as well as adding some weaknesses to the Combat Behaviour section.
No criticism is too harsh so hit me with your best shot.

Calen Shrike - ASTC - First Year Beacon.

Saffron de Cortez - SALT - Third Year Atlas.

Amarant Lovis - (formerly of)ACCE - Headmaster of Atlas Academy

Ramalia - RASB - First Year Shade

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Re: Andrew Maxwell (First character, i will gladly take criticism)
« Reply #5 on: January 04, 2017, 02:54:06 PM »
I tried deleting all the "And"s and it still remains like that, and i checked all the sections and they all don't have the [ b ] from the beginning of the text nor to the end of it.

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Re: Andrew Maxwell (First character, i will gladly take criticism)
« Reply #6 on: January 04, 2017, 03:07:56 PM »
Whoops my bad, I wanted to write [ b ] and [ / b ] instead of "bold and"....   >.<
Valentine Bloodfang - First Year Closet Cripple of Team SLVA - "How much edge could an edge lord lord if an edge lord could lord edge? Fufufu~"

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Blanc Valiere - First Year Highly Explosive Member of Team CBLT - "Found you, you little shits!" AWAITING MY REWORK

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Re: Andrew Maxwell (First character, i will gladly take criticism)
« Reply #7 on: January 04, 2017, 03:16:16 PM »
Here's the problem: The start has [ b][ b][ b], when it should only have [ b]. Delete the extras and you should be good.
Characters: ShowHide
Nathan Eau, De Facto Jetpack Guy and Leader of Team INKK
Camelia Sol, Miss Magnetic Personality and Leader of Team CAST
Anna Fall, Insightful Visionary of Team ASTC
Brock Greenwood, Human Titan of Team DGTL
Helena Chlophyll, Ray of Sunshine of Team CHES
Scarlett/Corinth,Korynn,etc. Briggart/Topaz (In the works)
Max (mp)
Chloe (mp)
Maena Nadir, Coherent Beam of Team SSMR
Europa/Encela(dus)/Io/Callisto/Calypso (In the works)
Hannah Glass
Mark Cassini
Carlson Ferram
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"The Ferryman"
"GREEEEEEEN"
"I swear it's not my fault"
"HOT HOT HOT"
"s m o l"
"Alastair Reynolds"
"Living Weapon"
"Glm"
"Librarian"
"Vibin'"
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Re: Andrew Maxwell (First character, i will gladly take criticism)
« Reply #8 on: January 04, 2017, 03:20:40 PM »
Thanks guys for helping! Now I gotta fix the issues with the character haha.

nathan67003

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Re: Andrew Maxwell (First character, i will gladly take criticism)
« Reply #9 on: January 04, 2017, 03:35:08 PM »
Right. Just also have to the formatting for Aura and Semblance :P

As for the semblance, I'd suggest not having it perfect - as in, ways to tell that it's active or for others to notice something's weird. Just a small thought, don't mind it.
Characters: ShowHide
Nathan Eau, De Facto Jetpack Guy and Leader of Team INKK
Camelia Sol, Miss Magnetic Personality and Leader of Team CAST
Anna Fall, Insightful Visionary of Team ASTC
Brock Greenwood, Human Titan of Team DGTL
Helena Chlophyll, Ray of Sunshine of Team CHES
Scarlett/Corinth,Korynn,etc. Briggart/Topaz (In the works)
Max (mp)
Chloe (mp)
Maena Nadir, Coherent Beam of Team SSMR
Europa/Encela(dus)/Io/Callisto/Calypso (In the works)
Hannah Glass
Mark Cassini
Carlson Ferram
"Some goddamn bullshit, Invictus Omega"
"The Ferryman"
"GREEEEEEEN"
"I swear it's not my fault"
"HOT HOT HOT"
"s m o l"
"Alastair Reynolds"
"Living Weapon"
"Glm"
"Librarian"
"Vibin'"
Cole McWrath
AAAA (a.k.a. AMAA)
AMCAA

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Re: Andrew Maxwell (First character, i will gladly take criticism)
« Reply #10 on: January 04, 2017, 03:40:53 PM »
So I need to add in how well he does in team, how he deals with faunus and why he hates humans correct? And other details for the weapon correct?


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Re: Andrew Maxwell (First character, i will gladly take criticism)
« Reply #11 on: January 04, 2017, 03:45:55 PM »
Yes, you need to balance the semblance out with some negatives. Costing aura and having a duration on it before it goes on a cooldown could work. That might still be a little strong so you might want it to not grant complete invisibility. Maybe he has an outline around him? Something like that.

Edit: Actually, you could pick/come up with 1 negative and that should balance it. Maybe...
*tries to give help with balancing but sucks at it as well*
« Last Edit: January 04, 2017, 03:48:49 PM by Malus Blanc »
Valentine Bloodfang - First Year Closet Cripple of Team SLVA - "How much edge could an edge lord lord if an edge lord could lord edge? Fufufu~"

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Re: Andrew Maxwell (First character, i will gladly take criticism)
« Reply #12 on: January 04, 2017, 03:50:13 PM »
I'll try to add that in once I have the chance. I'm on mobile so it's hard to type haha.

What do you guys think of my character so far? I just need to know it's not too "egdy " nor "terrible"? And is being a bounty hunter in this site is a good idea? XD

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Re: Andrew Maxwell (First character, i will gladly take criticism)
« Reply #13 on: January 04, 2017, 03:56:18 PM »
I thought I placed a good negative by making the seamblance not "running-able" meaning the user will have to walk or move slowly while it's active. The more the user moves around quickly or starts to sprint, it shows like a outline of the character or just makes it terrible at cloaking. Like the active camo in halo?

Also how to describe how strong is Maxwell aura?
« Last Edit: January 04, 2017, 03:57:55 PM by King Crimson »

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Re: Andrew Maxwell (First character, i will gladly take criticism)
« Reply #14 on: January 04, 2017, 04:00:11 PM »
I like him but from what I heard being a bounty hunter/assassin is kind of overused, just sayin'.

Well I don't think he is too edgy. That, though, might be because I like edgy/dark stuff... Other people will need to answer that question for you. :D

You might want to have a look at my character, Blanc's profile for that. Just give a general idea as to how strong his aura it is compared to an average student.

Also you need to write a bit more about his semblance. Explaining what it does in detail as it is a bit vague right now and it seems like I misunderstood how it works because of that. (Or maybe Its just because its me. Who knows. :P)
« Last Edit: January 04, 2017, 04:01:51 PM by Malus Blanc »
Valentine Bloodfang - First Year Closet Cripple of Team SLVA - "How much edge could an edge lord lord if an edge lord could lord edge? Fufufu~"

Outdated Characters: ShowHide
Blanc Valiere - First Year Highly Explosive Member of Team CBLT - "Found you, you little shits!" AWAITING MY REWORK

Shiro Aikurushii - First Year Copycat of Team CHES - "Did someone say cool?" AWAITING MY REWORK