Author Topic: Carmine DeMarco  (Read 2414 times)

Sakumo1Uchiha

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Carmine DeMarco
« on: July 26, 2019, 04:33:41 PM »
    CHARACTER

    Name:
    Carmine DeMarco

    Age:
    17

    Species and Gender:
    Faunus (Kodiak Brown Bear)

    Symbol: 
    Spoiler: ShowHide


    Occupation:
    Huntsman in Training

    Appearance:
    Carmine is a Kodiak Bear Faunus standing at 6'5 so he's taller than average, he has reddish-brown hair and blue eyes. He has a stocky build much like his father, he was always big even as a kid which caused him to the target of bullies early on but that's another story. He has a light stubble covering a square jawline and a somewhat thick neck he grew facial hair at an early age, around 14. He has rather large hands that have a hidden surprise inside them, see thanks to his Faunus heritage he has retractable claws on all 10 of his fingers.

    History:
    Carmine was born in Mistral to a Human Faunus relationship, his parents were both huntsmen and huntresses in their own rights and very good at their job. His mother retired as soon as she found out she was pregnant and dad stopped going on missions so frequently to be with his wife and soon to be born son more. The 9 months came and what an event it was, little Carmine was born into the world, well little is far from it, Carmine was a big baby a lot like his dad. With his childhood in Mistral, things were uneventful except for the bullying by the kids in the town and at school, but he managed to pull through rather fine. Although we did have to deal with the crime in Mistral through his childhood and hand a few run-ins with the White Fang but nothing too bad. But...one sticks out in his mind, a time where he witnessed his mother almost get killed but thankfully saved by his father. But before he describes the event that caused his family to move from Mistral to patch, but nowhere comes his year in Sanctum Combat Academy.

    The event that follows is one that caused his family to move, as said above Carmine was born in Mistral City, but unfortunately in a rather gang-infested area. His dad was able to keep him safe out in public due to his size and fame as a huntsman but he still attracted attention due to his mixed heritage of being the child of a human Faunus marriage and thus was the target of racism growing up. But what he didn't expect was it to be this bad. One fateful day his mom and he were out shopping and decided to take a shortcut home, a bad mistake. This led to an encounter with a blatantly racist gang, they didn't view her as a human for marrying a Faunus and having a Faunus child, they viewed her as less than that. They threatened with violence if we didn't cough up some Lien as a "toll" and his mom refused to pay as she might not be a huntress anymore she will never forget her training. She went to fight the gang but the numbers got to her.....and then she decided to be his shield and take blow after blow. In the heat of the moment, he remembered that she had a scroll and asked for it to call dad. She gave it to me and he called his dad and even though Carmine had been given lessens to fight at Sanctum Carmine still was scared out of his damn mind. He told him to get his butt over here as fast as he can and gave him an abridged version of what happened. Minutes later just when her Aura is about to hit 20% he shows up angrier than his son has ever seen him before, that day he found out why they called him the "Berzerker". He fought them and nearly killed them if he hadn't stepped in and calmed him down. We were contemplating moving anyway but that was the straw that broke the camels back, we packed up over a month or so and moved to Patch.

    Carmine was able to enroll in the primary combat academy Sanctum in the city of Argus moving there to be able to be with each other easily. Carmine stood out from everyone due to how big he was mainly but to those who could pick up on it, the fact that his species of Faunus wasn't that very common. He did well in the combat courses thanks to prior training received from his father and mother but struggled a bit in the more Academic portions of the curriculum. He did though suffer some bullying when it was revealed that he was in fact a Faunus during a class discussing the Faunus Rights Revolution, the teacher was asking about it and stupidly he raised his hand. Internally he was slapping himself because this would lead no doubt to the racism that Faunus had to deal with. And boy did it go, first it was just stuff being thrown at him, books being knocked out of his hand, verbal harassment, which surprised him because he thought that his size would dissuade a person from poking the bear, but poke they did. But like a champ, he held fast through it but through the doom and gloom of school, there was light. Even though he didn't like working with people if it helped him he would begrudgingly work with someone. He made it through his first year of Sanctum with a few friends but wasn't able to continue his final 3 years due to an event that caused his family to move to Patch away from the White Fang.


    Personality:
    Carmine is a rather stubborn individual, not really wanting to work with other people unless it is absolutely necessary to succeed. He has kinda always butted heads with authority only really showing respect to his family and those who he deems have earned said respect. He likes to get his way due to his stubbornness but if he sees it won't go his way, he knows to just shut up and go along with the plan. Carmine may be stubborn but if one were to have a common interest with him it would be rather easy to make fast friends with him such as metal music or surprisingly video games. Under that thick shell that he made for himself is a rather caring person but it's hard to get to due to how he is on the outside.

    Aura and Semblance:
    “Iron Skin”
    Using this he can harden his hair follicles to act as a natural armor on his skin. It allows him to tank hits that would normally really hurt him and it allows him to fight a bit more recklessly and aggressively. But the caveat is that it hinders his movement when he activates said semblance. It takes 10% of his aura each time to activate it.

    Combat Behavior: 
    He's a damage-dealing Tank, He peppers opponents with dust bullets from mid-range whilst using his Iron Skin semblance to close in and Tanking damage to hack and slash his enemies to bits. He usually works well in a team functioning again as the Tank of the team despite how he is personality wise and if he likes the plan will go along with it. Against mobs/Grimm his fighting style helps out rather well to press the attack when he can which works well on Beowolfs mostly and an Ursa he fought near his home.

    [Weaknesses]
    • Not overly agile
    • Stubborn
    • Impulsive

    WEAPON

    Name:
    Krīós

    Primary Form:
    Krīós is a set of 2 large high powered clip-fed hand cannons chambered in .50 Action Express. The barrels on both guns are treated to take Dust rounds and Regular Rounds but Carmine prefers to use Dust Rounds for the extra impact. On both sides of the gun, there is a basic flame design expertly carved into it. At the end of the gun, there are iron sights, and at the top of the handle behind the hammer, there is a lever mechanism on both guns that when you pull it, it ejects the spent clip so that a new one can be inserted into the handle.

    Author's Note: Ignore the second barrel on the gun.

    Spoiler: ShowHide


    Secondary Form:
    Krīós has a second form which is a large bastard sword (pictured below) that can utilize dust crystals for various elemental effects.

    Spoiler: ShowHide


    Dust Functions:
    The weapons Dust Functions are rather simple as it can use Dust ammo which he primarily uses for his hand Cannons. But with his sword, there is a slot int he guards that allow for a dust crystal to be inserted to add the elemental effect he desires.

    History:
    Krīós's history starts with his father, the hand cannon form was his father's first weapon that got destroyed during a mission in which his team was shadowing a huntsman. When he found out about this he went to his father to get permission to bring the weapon back to life, which surprised his father but he wanted to put his own spin on it which is the second form being the large greatsword. [/list]
    « Last Edit: July 26, 2019, 06:29:53 PM by Sakumo1Uchiha »

    ReaperJoe

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    Re: Carmine DeMarco
    « Reply #1 on: July 26, 2019, 08:36:04 PM »
    A'ight, so a lot of good work went into this, but I'm going to need a bit more before I +1 it. 

    First off, in Occupation, it's a good idea to indicate which year Carmine is in just so we can tell at a glance, as well as which academy he's attending.  It may be obvious if you read the rest of the profile, but it helps people when they're looking through the profile at a glance.

    In history, you have a section where Carmine's father is referred to as "the Berzerker".  While Epithets are all well and good (they're personally one of my favorite tropes), you have to remember that most people on site won't know about your character's history.  If Carmine says to another character, "My dad is the Berzerker!", most characters won't recognize who that is.  Furthermore, the history just kind of brings it up once and never mentions it again, and it just says "they call him...".  Who is "they"?

    I'd recommend rewriting that section to the tune of "he fought like a berserker, and would have nearly killed the thugs if Carmine hadn't stepped in", or some other variation.  That being said, if you want to leave it and have your dad be known as "The Berzerker", that's fine, but just don't be surprised when people don't know who he is

    In personality, it says Carmine is stubborn, but then says if things doesn't go his way, he just goes along with whatever's happening.  That's kind of the opposite of being stubborn.  I'm normally okay with some inconsistencies (no one is 100% consistent all the time), but there generally needs to be some sort of explanation for it.  Furthermore, stubbornness seems to be Carmine's defining character trait, so a bit more elaboration would definitely help.  For instance, you say he butts heads with authority, but you don't really say why.  You also mention earning his respect; how would someone go about doing that?  Do they just need to out-stubborn him?  Is he more likely to give in to someone he respects?  There's a lot of places to elaborate here, these are just a few suggestions.

    In Aura and Semblance, the overall concept is fine, but I'm definitely going to need more details.  For instance, how long does it last?  How much is damage reduced while it's active?  How much does it hinder his movement?  Is there a "cooldown" period between uses?

    This also ties in a bit with his combat behavior.  You've elaborated a bit on his strengths, but just listing his weaknesses with no explanation isn't really going to cut it for me.  This is especially true with personality weaknesses, you'll need to tell me how that affects his combat.  For instance, if he's stubborn and impulsive, does that mean it's easy to bait him into traps?  If he's not agile, can quick and nimble opponents outmaneuver him and attack his blind spots or his teammates?

    The weapon is fine, though I'd personally prefer if you elaborated on what effects different types of dust have in Dust Effects.
    Smokey Emberstone Beacon 1st Year and the Immovable Gunslinger of Team DASE "I've got more than enough firepower to beat you" "You've only got one bullet!" "Like I said, more than enough"

    Aurelia Lumen Beacon 3rd year and the Warhorse of Team (TBD)  "Lay down your weapons, lest you wish to taste my steel!"

    Wabul "Toast" Paka Shade 1st year and the Acrobatic Swashbuckler of Team (TBD)  "Hey, I'm gonna go jump off a bridge, who's with me?"

    Lucas Meridiem Beacon 1st year and the Hermit of Team CLVS  "What's so great about 'bittersweet'?"

    Clara Meridiem Beacon 1st year and the Blast Magician of Team (TBD) "No one likes just plain ol' bitter"

    August Flare Beacon 1st year and the would-be ruler of the world "Join me, and witness the Brightest Future!"

    Hexcodes:
    515151
    FFD700
    E55812
    CCE9AE
    Cyan
    FFA400

    jjb2158

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    Re: Carmine DeMarco
    « Reply #2 on: August 19, 2019, 12:15:28 AM »
    Moved to MIA.
    First Year Beacon Student: Rackley Winchester - The Hawkeye Sniper currently Teamless

    Second Year Beacon Student: Jett Davenport - The Playful Shadow Knight of Team MLDC (Melodic)

    Third Year Beacon Student: Suntalia Lyn Ryker - The Voice of Thunder currently Teamless

    Fourth Year Beacon Student: Savas Carnelian - The Quiet Berserker Leader of Team SARK (Stark)

    Beacon Professor: Oberon Falcov - The Man With A Plan / Team Strategy Teacher of Beacon