RWBYFanon v5

RPG Creations => Character Creation => WiP Characters => Topic started by: Zerco on October 02, 2016, 03:55:36 PM

Title: Blanc Valiere (Moving to Character Creation)
Post by: Zerco on October 02, 2016, 03:55:36 PM

CHARACTER

Name: Blanc Valiere

Age: 17, born on the 8th of Niege, 62 AC.

Species and Gender: Human, Female.

Symbol: Blue Flames

Spoiler: ShowHide

(https://s16.postimg.org/p9kvqru39/OC_Symbol.png)

Themes:
Theme Music: Shigatsu wa Kimi no Uso Ost - Masaru Yokoyama (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5msHxmhYTM)
Battle Theme: World of Warcraft - A Call to Arms (REMIX) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8zJ3T8zqeJE)

Occupation: First year student at Beacon Academy.

Appearance: Blanc has ever-messy light blue hair which reaches her neck, with the exception of two very long strands on the side which almost reach her stomach. The top would be akin to a cowlick. Her eyes are pink-red colored. Blanc is a pale skinned girl who is 5ft tall and weighs 98lb. Because of her height she is often mistaken as a 10-12 year old which usually triggers her temper. She has a petite build but her chest size is an A-Cup which, again, doesn't help to relieve the confusion of some people.

She wears a white dress with dark brown lining and markings on it which ends above her knees. On top of her dress she wears a hoodie which is also white and has a light blue lining on it. She wears white boots that resemble sandals that are black at the bottom, they also have a red line on them which resemble the straps on sandals. If the weather is warm enough she usually only wears her dress and doesn't bring her hoodie with her.

Spoiler: ShowHide

(https://s12.postimg.org/9idswzbtp/Blanc_Valiere.png)

History: Blanc was born into a wealthy upper-class family in Vale. The family's wealth came from her parents' work; they were managing the trade routes of alcohol importation into Vale and were the ones also responsible for managing the alcohol distribution to bars and other shops. In her childhood Blanc was not allowed to leave the Valiere property as her parents were really overprotective. They ordered the family's butler, Andreau, who has been the butler of the Valiere family for 15 years to keep an eye on the Young Lady at all times. She was not allowed to go out of the property so there was no way for her to go to school, instead her parents told Andreau to be Blanc's private teacher. Before Andreau became a butler he was a Huntsman, and a really good swordsman at that; this made him be a good teacher to teach Blanc. With her parents' permission, the butler also taught her how to fight with swords and seeing how Blanc had a natural talent and learned quite fast, Andreau decided that he will teach her how to dual-wield weapons.

In her spare time Blanc was always reading books, writing or drawing in the mansion's huge library. Sometimes she would hole up there and only leave when she had to go to sleep. She was fascinated by the stories that she read in the books and couldn't wait to go to Signal so she can explore the city as frankly she was quite bored to see the same walls day after day.

At the age of 11 she was finally able to leave the mansion for the first time (with Andreau keeping her company) and attending Signal Academy for 4 years. At first her parents didn't like the idea of letting their children go to a combat school but after seeing as how badly Blanc wanted to go they agreed but with one condition, and that condition being that Andreau had to be with her whenever she wasn't at home and they made the butler be Blanc's personal butler because of this. She found it hard to fit in as she was not only introverted, thanks to the lack of interaction with other people the same age as her for 11 years; she also had a butler following her at all times which scared off all the students who wanted to interact with her. She also developed a rather furious temper as she always got what she wanted, when she wanted it which, again, made her much harder to approach. She was also one of the first few students to discover her semblance and she almost burned off Andreau's eyebrow in the process.

After she graduated from Signal with quite good scores she got accepted into Beacon Academy and finally her parents came to the conclusion that she does no longer need Andreau to accompany her at all times. Because he is still her personal butler he still practically does everything for her like doing the laundry, making food for her, cleaning after her and the likes. They developed a friendlier bond that is along the lines of a father-daughter relationship as she spent a lot more time with Andreau than her actual father. Blanc is hoping to make friends at Beacon and explore the world of Remnant that she have read about.

Personality: A quiet and introverted girl, Blanc may seem lifeless, insensitive and unconcerned in comparison to other people. When she speaks her voice is rather quiet, almost like a whisper. She deeply cares about her friends but she is too shy to say it out loud. Blanc loves reading and writing as well as she appreciates fine art. She tends to get stressed out or angry over small things like people not arriving on time or if she is reading in silence and somebody starts shouting around her. She also has a rather... dark sense of humor which can freak some people out so she usually refrains from telling jokes she finds funny.
Underneath her calm exterior is an angry, rage filled girl who is ready to yell at or murder the first person who pisses her off.  She can get really angry really quickly if provoked or if the stress gets to her. She is also really sensitive when it comes to her chest size and she doesn't tolerate any jokes directly or indirectly implying that she has a flat chest. She doesn't like huge breasted people by default as it reminds her of what is nonexistent for her. "Stop it! I can't stand the way you wobble those melons in my face, Thunder Tits!"

Things to note:
-Likes animals, especially cats.
-Likes quiet places.
-Loves cinnamon buns.
-Doesn't like getting disturbed while reading.
-Swears when angry.
-Is allergic to cats.
-Can get quite reckless.

Aura and Semblance: Aura Color: Light SkyBlue
Aura: Blanc possesses a much larger aura pool compared to average students as she is a melee fighter she took quite some physical beating in fights. It is also because of the self-harming nature of her semblance if she loses control of her flames.
Semblance: Flames of Rage - Blanc is able to ignite her weapon and the area around her in red and controllable or blue and uncontrolled. Her semblance purely relies on how angry she is, meaning that if she is calm she can't use her semblance at all. If she is just a bit annoyed she is able to ignite her two katanas and burning anything the flames touch. If she is angry, she engulfs a 4 meter square area in flames around her, 2 meters on all sides; which also burn anybody who it touches except for Blanc because while the flames aren't blue her semblance makes her be able to control their movement so that it doesn't touch her. The flames disappear after a 3 second delay and reappear when the same amount of time passes, this is because the flames are using up the oxygen around Blanc and she would faint from lack of oxygen getting into her lungs. She has a tendency to get really mad, in which case the flames swirling around her or the ones on her swords turn blue in color as they get even hotter, this also causes the flames that are around her to become uncontrollable, sometimes burning her in the process. The semblance can be activated and deactivated so even if she is mad as long as she doesn't activate the semblance then nothing is going to happen. Blanc is able to move while her semblance is active and the flames follow her wherever she goes; the flames always form a circle around her at all times but if she moves too fast the flames become weak and wont be a threat until she slows down or stops. There isn't any mental strain on her when her semblance is active; meaning that even if she loses focus the flames around her and on her weapon remain there.

Blanc can send the fire on her weapons flying in an arc in the direction of her attack but at the same time this extinguishes the fire of the sword that she used it on. This makes it so that she has two charges of fire-slash when she activates her semblance and then if she uses the left sword's flame for example then she has to wait until the flames around her disappear and reappear after a 3 second delay in order for her to have her left sword ignited again.

The flames temperature produced by Blanc's semblance are as follows:
When the flames are red the temperature of the flames around Blanc and on her weapons are around 800-1200°C. When her semblance produces blue flames the temperature can rise up to 2400°C

As mentioned above, she can only use her semblance when she is angry, this means that any form of tranquilizer, or anything that does the same thing is very useful against her, practically disabling the use of her semblance while the effect is in place.

Combat Behaviour: Blanc's movement and attack patterns as well as her positioning in fights depends on how angry she is. Her level of anger can be distinguished by how she acts in fights.

If Blanc is only using one of her swords and there are no signs of her semblance being active means that she is calm and collected. In this state she is really strategic and she is able to analyze the situation so that she can overcome her opponent with quick and well-directed attacks. She is quite quick and agile due to only using a one-handed sword and can reliably block or dodge attacks to defend herself though that is her only line of defense as she doesn't have any armor on her. She is especially vulnerable to ranged attacks as she doesn't have any reliable source of retaliation against a ranged opponent while her semblance is not active. She tends to stay behind the front line in team fights in this state so she can rely on her teammates for protection.

If Blanc starts to get angry she equips her other weapon and flames appear on them. In this state her attack patterns and movement doesn't change. She tends to be somewhat reckless in her positioning though as she might overextend and find herself at the front line without much protection. (Not counting her weapons.)

When Blanc is somewhat furious she tends to be foul-mouthed and now flames appear around her, this shows that her semblance is now practically fully activated. Now her attack pattern becomes a bit messy and reckless, sometimes leaving herself unprotected just to get a direct hit on her opponent. Her now fully activated semblance doesn't necessarily limit her movement but if she wants the fire around her to be a threat then she can't run as quick as the fire would lose its strength while she is running fast. In this state she is able to retaliate against ranged enemies as the fire around her provides some sort of protection and her fire-slash allows her to hit enemies that are in medium distance of her; she still struggles with long-ranged opponents. Her anger and the urge to bash some skulls in with her swords means that she will position herself at the front of a fight; farther from her teammates as her semblance can hurt them too and anyways, she wants to dish out some pain.

If the semblance's fire turns blue, that is when Blanc gets totally mad, though this only happened a few times since she found out about her semblance. (Warning, she tends to swear...) She will try to annihilate any hostile things that dare come near her. Her flames' temperature rises to almost twice their temperature, but she loses control over the fire around her; sometimes burning herself in the process. She will be so reckless to the point of not even caring about defense but going full-on offense in this state, just to deliver some serious pain on her opponents. Her movement is greatly reduced by the risk of being hurt so she only starts running when the flames disappear or she deactivates her semblance. Even though her behavior is reckless she will still stay in a formation if there is one but remaining on the front line and a bit farther away from her teammates.


WEAPON

Name: Skullcrusher and Armageddon

Primary Form: Two long, thin, slightly curved blades made of tungsten are held by a grip wrapped in expensive, light brown crocodile leather. The swords are around 110cm in length(around 43.3 inches) and weighting around 1.2kg each(2.6 lb)
A single, sharp edge makes these perfect weapons to block attacks and slice enemies to tiny, little pieces.
The blade has a wide, straight cross-guard, offering plenty of protection and adding just enough weight to make sure the blades sit firmly in Blanc's hands. A medium sized pommel is decorated with a huge sapphire which is shaped like the symbol of its owner, fine details which prove how carefully these weapons were crafted.
The blade itself is engraved on both weapons. A line of text is engraved on the blades: "Parva flamma saepe incendium magnum suscitat." This translates to "A small flame can often cause devastating conflagrations."

Storage Form: When Blanc isn't using her swords she keeps them in their scabbards, located on her waist. The scabbards are made from black stingray leather and have flame-like symbols engraved in them.

Dust Functions: N/A

History: She made her two swords in Signal Academy as its required for students to make their own weapons. She had no problem obtaining the expensive materials that allowed her to make this good looking and really effective weapon.


NPCs

Name: Andreau

Occupation: Blanc's personal Butler.

Appearance: Andreau is a 58 years old butler who has white hair and blue eyes. He wears a white shirt, white vest, black bowtie, black dress pants, and a black and blue coat. Due to his daily tasks and thanks to training with Blanc he is still muscular at his old age, and his back is perfectly straight. He is still quite good looking despite his age and he barely has any wrinkles.

History: Andreau was a Huntsman in his younger days but later retired and served as the Valiere family's butler for over 15 years. He later was made Blanc's personal butler by the Young Lady's parents.

Title: Re: Blanc Valiere
Post by: Zerco on October 05, 2016, 03:09:43 AM

I'd appreciate some feedback, negative and positive both welcome. I would like some opinions as I don't know what you guys think of Blanc. I'm pretty much only changing her History at this point and maybe some tweaks on her semblance. (And also filling in the "Coming Soon" parts.)

Title: Re: Blanc Valiere
Post by: nathan67003 on October 05, 2016, 05:51:57 AM

At first glance, I'd say to either make the History section a bit less subjective (i.e. lots of talking right now) or maybe make the jyst of it visible and hide the really detailed stuff in a spoiler.

In any case, I think me reviewing something even half-seriously would be considered a crime at this point and I also don't really know what the mods like, so you're free to not give a damn about what I just wrote.

Title: Re: Blanc Valiere
Post by: Zerco on October 05, 2016, 06:09:22 AM

Well that is a really good suggestion to be honest, thank you for the feedback. I figured it is a bit too detailed so what I'll do is put it under 'spoiler' and make a compressed version of her backstory that is about 2-3 paragraph long maximum so its easier to scan through to get the gist of what her past is like. First time making a character for a RP site so I guess I went a little overboard with the details. xD

Title: Re: Blanc Valiere
Post by: The Mythic Scribe on October 05, 2016, 10:18:36 AM

Okay then! Looks pretty good writing-wise, though there are parts where you could swap a few parts to make it flow a little better.

Example:

Quote from: Malus Blanc on October 02, 2016, 03:55:36 PM

Appearance: Blanc has a short light blue colored hair  which is always messy that reaches her neck and has very longs strands on the sides of her head, almost reaching her stomach. She also has a cowlick. Her eyes are pink-red colored. Blanc is a pale skinned girl who is 5ft tall and weighs 98lb, because of her height she is often mistaken as a 14-10 year old which usually triggers her temper. Though she has a hourglass shape and a pretty mature body her chest size is an A-Cup which, again, doesn't help to relieve the confusion of some people.

You could change the first sentence to be 'Blanc has ever-messy light blue hair which reaches her neck, with the exception of two very long strands on the side which almost reach her stomach. The top would be akin to a cowlick.' Oh, or start a new sentence at 'Because of her height...' Just to make it smoother. But this is far from important, as it's already pretty good.

History-wise, the only thing I'm a little hug up on is how skilled the butler is. Someone who's skilled enough to fell or render unconscious multiple thugs as he did when the two were escaping should be doing something else with his life. Or you could just say that he's a retired huntsman, that works too. Actually, just anything involving combat should do fine, just take care to mention that he was a good __________. Also, is her father a Faunus? Because if he isn't I question why he would be in charge of or dealing with gangs that are related to the White Fang, such is the group's anti-human, Faunus-supremacy attitude.

Semblance, 5 meters is a lot. During the time that she has her semblance, pretty much no one would be able to get to her close-range, even with the 2-second delay. Still, that 2-second delay is plenty of time to aim and shoot, so... You might want to give an exact temperature for the fire too. Remember not to make it too high, and definitely not high enough to melt the weapons of other students if by chance they drop them/try to throw them. Also, can she move while her semblance is like this? Will the fire follow her? To what extent can she move? Does it take any concentration?

Weapon: Last time I checked, adamantium was not a real thing. It still isn't.

Oookay, that's it. Keep in mind that I'm far from a mod, but ya wanted opinions.

Title: Re: Blanc Valiere
Post by: Zerco on October 05, 2016, 01:34:44 PM

First of all, thank you for your feedback! I will go through the changes I made.

I knew the flow of that first couple of sentences were a bit "ehh" but I just couldn't see how i could make it better; I have used what you suggested so now I think it flows way better.

I have added the "retired huntsman" explanation to Andreau so that it makes sense now why he is skilled enough to deal with the thugs so easily and why he is able to teach Blanc about combat.
I was going with a 'Torchwick' theme for the father actually. As you know Torchwick is a human but is still associated with the White Fang so that is why the father of Blanc is working with gangs associated with them.

Nerfed Blanc's semblance, now the flames around her only extend to 2 meters around her on all sides instead of 5 meter in diameter. Increased semblance delay to 3 meters before flames reappear around Blanc. Nerf = 1 meter cut-off in total, 0.5 on all sides and +1 second on the time before flames reappear to give more opportunity for melee to attack. Added exact temperature to the flames with specifics for both the red flames and blue flames. (I hope its not too high, please check if possible, would appreciate it.) Calculated temperature by the fact that iron's melting point is 1 538 °C. Added clarity that tells that she can indeed move while her semblance is active and she doesn't need concentration to use it though it does limit her movement as she can't run really fast if she wants the flame to stay strong enough to be a threat.

Made a mistake at the material for the weapon, fixed it now it is titanium.

Title: Re: Blanc Valiere (Moving to Character Creation)
Post by: The Mythic Scribe on October 07, 2016, 06:30:11 AM

Still replying, even though you've already moved this.

The Appearance section isn't the only place where it could be changed to flow smoothly, but that's definitely not important! What kinda is would be switching from past to present tense in the shortened version of your history section. Oh, and I don't think that 2 years would be enough to surpass the teacher. She'd be capable, yes, but not more so than a retired hunter. And you shouldn't really say 'she placed 2nd/1st/3rd/etc.' in your history. Too many 'top of her/his class' profiles. Just say that she passed with flying colors.

There's more, but dinner. I will be back to continue.

Title: Re: Blanc Valiere (Moving to Character Creation)
Post by: The Mythic Scribe on October 07, 2016, 06:59:37 AM

Oh nvm, you switched once while talking about the close ties with the White Fang. In the extended version.

And yeeeeeees, I suppose... But... Torchwick had more to offer... AND they had Adam on the inside, probably pulling some strings to get them to even be listened to by the White Fang crowd. I don't know. Maybe just leave it to the mods I guess.

Okay, I remember a profile with fire-based stuff, and the max temp was around 1200 or so, can't remember if it was Celsius or Fahrenheit. Either way, it had to be pulled down to at least around 1000, maybe a little higher. You can reference Arashi Kusanagi (http://rwby-rpg.rwbyfanon.com/index.php/topic,21.msg24.html#msg24), another character with a fire based semblance, who's max temp is 550 Celsius. Half yours. So maybe lower that, especially considering that your semblance takes temperature a little more seriously. Possibly change it to be 4 square meters, to be more specific.

Good luck in Character Creation!

Title: Re: Blanc Valiere (Moving to Character Creation)
Post by: Zerco on October 07, 2016, 07:42:17 AM

Okay, will change the scores on her tests to be somewhat vague and also yes Andreau is a retired huntsman who was a butler for 15 years and on top of that he is 58 years old so that is why Blanc was able to surpass him.

I will change the short version of the history to not switch between multiple tenses.

Will make necessary changes to the temperature as it seems like I way overshot what the maximum is supposed to be. Changing area to what you suggested, 4 square meters.

And thanks! :)

Title: Re: Blanc Valiere (Moving to Character Creation)
Post by: The Mythic Scribe on October 07, 2016, 09:36:27 AM

Okay, if he's 58 I can understand that. Thought he was more in his... late forties or so.

And my pleasure! Hope you have a nice time on the site!

Title: Re: Blanc Valiere (Changed my mind so completely redoing history section)
Post by: Zerco on October 08, 2016, 05:16:08 PM

I am reworking the whole history section as I changed my mind and I didn't find it good enough for my liking.

Edit: Keeping the butler.