RWBYFanon v5

RPG Creations => Approved Characters => Topic started by: MissyMidna on October 25, 2016, 02:00:52 PM

Title: Vidalia Umbra
Post by: MissyMidna on October 25, 2016, 02:00:52 PM: CHARACTER

Name: Vidalia Umbra

Age: 18

Species and Gender: Female Human

Symbol: Vibrant Moon. A crescent shaped moon with a star hanging from the top and bottom.

Occupation: 1st yr student of Shade Academy

Theme:Undertale-059 Spider Dance Launchpad Ver (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wdGQA9t5soU)

Appearance: Vidalia is 5’4"ft (152.4 cm), weighs 125lbs with emerald green eyes. She has raven black hair which she keeps in two pony tails. She has a fair complexion and is always wearing black eyeliner and lipstick. Her nails are always painted green.

Vidalia likes to dress herself in the Gothic Lolita fashion. Often her clothes are dresses/skirts and pants with some type of moon symbol on them.

Combat Clothes (Drawing by me)
Spoiler: Show Hide
(http://i1030.photobucket.com/albums/y370/MissMidnaMayKillYa/Chatacters/RWBY%20CHAR%20Vidalila%20Combat_zpsbzyaydxa.png)

History:
Vidalia was born and raised in Vacuo in the same city where Shade academy is located in. She lived with her grandparents most of her life because her parents always struggled to maintain a steady income to properly care for Vidalia. When Vidalia was born she was seen to do strange things. At the age of ten Vidalia was pronounced an overactive child. It only dented her in a sense that she had a hard time paying attention to things for long periods of time.

Vidalia's parents where indifferent to their daughter and it was not because they didn't love her. By the time they came home they didn't have much energy to give their daughter any attention. Vidalia always got the impression that her parents hated her and thought of her to be a nuisance. After the constant routine Vidalia was tired of it. She decided, on her own to stay with her grandparents permanently.

Upon turning fourteen Vidalia decided she wanted to be a hunter like her grandfather. Hesitant at first her grandfather agreed. Teaching her how to handle weapons and control her aura showed that Vidalia was normal, she just had a very active imagination.Between learning to fight and learning how to handle the teasing Vidalia likes to play video games.

Vidalia was sixteen when she began to wear black and dress herself in the gothic lolita style. She was bullied constantly by other students making her feel that she was inferior to them. Thus leading her to dress in black.

Upon entering Shade academy, Vidalia was nearly rejected due to her health papers saying she had ADHD. A long three hour conversation with the academy's headmaster and several tests later Vidalia was accepted into the academy with strict rules to have a mandatory mental health evaluation every six months because it has been noted that with having ADHD the possibility of Vidalia falling into depression was high.

Personality: Vidalia is called to be unpredictable just by the way she walks and talks to others. She tends to lean more towards being overly happy because it gives of the illusion that she is sane however she is far from being sane. Vidalia is loud, and if often seen to be aloof when she sometimes voices what she thinks along with her random jumpy motives such as hugging people randomly or saying that she wants a pet Beowolf.

With friends she is honest and charitable. Vidalia has no problem dedicating her time to friends seeing as it's very hard for her to make friends. She also liked to give her friends gifts to show them that she does pay attention to what happens and feels that she is obligated to thank them in some way.

Vidalia likes to eat cupcakes, play video games and explore Vacuo.Her favorite types are hack and slash games because it makes her strive to be as skilled as the characters in her games.

She dislikes people calling her crazy, being alone and feeling insecure.

Aura and Semblance:

Vidalia has an offensive type aura that is green with a mixture of white and black.

Her semblance is called Phantom Vidal which are long swords that appear to be a green hologram with mass. Vidalia can control the blades and have them go in any direction she wants. The only flaw is that after a two minutes of being summoned and unused they will disappear by shattering. The blades can be used in multiple applications.

At a time Vidalia can summon up to one blade every 2 second.They are limited to range. The blades can only be 10 feet away or closer to Vidalia.

The blades limitations are they they cannot phase through solid objects. Upon impact the embed then explode after the two minutes are up or when Vidalia lets the katana click against the scabbard. After over exerting herself the blades will cease to appear disallowing her to use them in combat for 20 minutes.

Combat Behavior: Vidalia tends to be hard to pin down because of her ADHD. She has a default emotion when she is on the offensive and typically it is excitement. When she is defensive Vidalia tends to get bored and stop paying attention to what is going on around her. Along with her boredom mood change, she will find her own way to involve herself in the battle whether it is planned or not.

-Vidalia has outstanding agility thanks to her incapability of staying still.
-Skills in swordsmanship since she practiced with her grandfather.

-Prone to mood swings thanks to her ADHD condition.
-Distracted too easily due to her difficulty to stay focused on one thing for a certain amount of time.

WEAPON

Name: Lunar Breaker

Primary Form: Lunar Breaker is a four foot Katana with the characters 农历断路器 near the tsuba. The scabbard is a light grey with a black silk sageo that is two feet long wrapped around the cord retainer.

History:
Lunar Breaker is a traditionally made Katana given to Vidalia by her great grandfather who was previously a hunter. Her grandfather is the one who forged the blade.
Title: Re: Vidalia Umbra
Post by: Dragolianx on October 25, 2016, 07:55:20 PM: Your OC seems pretty cool
Title: Re: Vidalia Umbra
Post by: Viventium Umbra on October 25, 2016, 08:04:18 PM: Quote from: Dragolianx on October 25, 2016, 07:55:20 PM
Your OC seems pretty cool

If you haven't noticed yet, only official reviewers are allowed to post in the profiles of characters up for review. You can comment on profiles in the WIP section, but not here.
Title: Re: Vidalia Umbra
Post by: Dr. Gustave on November 03, 2016, 05:43:11 PM: Soooooooooooooooo sorry this wasn't reviewed sooner! Many of the staff members were not aware that Viventium simply commented and didn't leave a review.

To start it off, the spoiler link for the symbol is broken, clicking "show" brings up nothing. I can't see anything wrong with the formatting so probably just upload it to an image sharing website like imgur.com (http://imgur.com/) or something similar.

There's a part of your history
Quote
Between learning to fight and learning how to handle the teasing Vidalia likes to play video games. Her favorite types are hack and slash games because it makes her strive to be as skilled as the characters in her games. To be like them.
That would fit better in personality.

Speaking of history/personality... the insanity bit. Shade isn't going to be likely to accept an actual diagnosed mentally insane person into the school that trains students in advanced combat. You mentioned they worked out a deal with a mental checkup every six months, but
Quote
By all means is Vidalia violent. She is known to get too carried away with her “actions” during combat. Typically asking her what she wants to eat makes her come back to reality.
from the personality section would definitely make any administration say "We can't accept you here." I suggest toning it down.

In addition, I have to ask if you actually INTEND on playing this character as insane or if you're just using it as a gimmick. That might seem rude, but I can't can't count the number of characters I've seen that are "insane" or have a "Mental disability" that in way is shown in their writing.

For the semblance
Quote
At a time Vidalia can summon up to one blade every 1 second,two blades every 3 seconds , four blades every 5 seconds,six blades every 11 seconds or eight blades every 15 seconds.
Is there a reason that she WOULDN'T just summon 8 blades and then 1 blade a second from there on out? This needs more balancing.

For the combat behavior, you can by all means keep the bullet points, but you need to expand on it with writing. Check out my character, Malina (http://rwby-rpg.rwbyfanon.com/index.php/topic,101.0.html), and her combat behavior section. Now, you don't need to make it THAT expansive, but expand on it somewhat.

She is a first year student, she's not going to be a master swordsmen. Bruising easily isn't a weakness because aura protects against all physical damage. There's nothing in this profile that would imply she's useless without her semblance.
Title: Re: Vidalia Umbra
Post by: MissyMidna on November 05, 2016, 10:40:21 PM: It's alright. I just thought you guys where just busy.

Okay! I am just going to draw the symbol like I should have done to begin with.

SO I changed her "Insanity" to "ADHD" condition and I did as much research as possible about it. I kinda didn't understand why the heck I even tried making a character who even had insanity in the first place.

Removed the anger issue in her personality added what you had suggested and added a bit more on how she treats her friends.

Edited her combat behavior to reflect her ADHD condition as much as I could. Also I added how her moods change depending on what role she is playing during battle.

Semblance I tried to make it make sense, but I failed in making it balanced. I am crap with numbers, so what type of adjustments would you suggest?
Title: Re: Vidalia Umbra
Post by: Dr. Gustave on November 08, 2016, 04:01:20 PM: We suggest capping the number of swords being able to be summoned and reduce the active time. Perhaps add a range limit as well.
Title: Re: Vidalia Umbra
Post by: MissyMidna on November 10, 2016, 06:28:24 PM: Added Range limit. Removed the time limit of summoning more than one blade being summoned to just leaving the one per being summoned to a longer time. Shorten the active time of the blades.
Title: Re: Vidalia Umbra
Post by: Dr. Gustave on November 10, 2016, 07:58:57 PM: Seems good, group approved.