Print Page - Kenny Tihanu

RPG Creations => Character Creation => WiP Characters => Topic started by: PegasusCat on February 05, 2017, 06:26:28 AM

Title: Kenny Tihanu
Post by: PegasusCat on February 05, 2017, 06:26:28 AM

Spoiler: Show

(First of all, English is NOT my first language...)

CHARACTER

Name: Kenny Tihanu

Age: 17

Species and Gender Kenny is a Human girl

Symbol Her symbol are two wings with goat horns on the top. The symbol is on the back of her locket and the back of her hood

Occupation: She is a first year student at beacon academy

Family:
Mother- ?
Father- ?
Adoptive Mother- Mika Tihanu - Human
Adoptive Father- Juri Tihanu - Goat Fanus
Adoptive brother- Yannic Tihanu - Goat Fanus (Death)

Her Family: Show

Appearance:
The first thing, that might be confusing is her young apperance. Kenny lookes really young for her age and people often assess her around the age Fourteen to fifteen years old. She has chin long, brown hair.
Her eyes have a deep red color, she wears a green pullover with a big yellow strip around it, a dark brown, short jeans and brown boots.
Sometimes she prefer to a green hoodie without the yellow strip.
Around her neck she has a large golden heart locket. She got it from her adoptive brother.
In the back of the locket his her Family symbol.
The Symbol are two wings with goat horns on the top
She have a rainbow colored scarfe bound around her right shoulder, which she got from her death brother.

History: For all her life Kenny was abused by her parents. She got hit and was treatet like dirt, so she run away with the age of 6 and never looked back. She didn´t know where she is running to, but she just did go forwart. Of course it happend what alwas happend. The creature of Grimm. She was like breakfast for those monsters but in the last second she was safed by a goat Fanus.
He said that his name were Juri and he asked Kenny why she was alone outside this late. She told him everything, and so they began to talk.
They told each other about themselves.
Juri was a Huntsman, who lived with her wife Mika and son Yannic in the south of vale in a little village which was locatet in a big Forest.
After hearing that Kenny now more or less is a orphan he decidet to adopt her, he coudn´t just leave her behind.
They weren't the richest of people but the lived happely and Yannic and Kenny did everything together.
But one day, when Juri and Mika were away, some people broke into the house. Kenny were 11 at this time and it was probably bad luck for Kenny that those bandits have picked the house where she lives.
They found Kenny and Yannic in the livingroom, and there it happend. Two humans hold Kenny down while someone else brutally stabed Yannic. After him, it was her turn.
They tuned to kenny and in this second the door flew open and loud noises filled the room. Her parents were back. From the eye angle out she could see, that they weren't alone. In the time Kenny had lived with them, she learned a lot about them. Juri was a Hunsmeen who had his own team. He meet Mika through a mission and they got married later on. And his old team had picked this day to visit.
Nearly everybody was fighting. Besides one person. This person didn´t want to fight, it want to kill. He startet to stabb Kenny over and over again, but not so, that she can die. He always hit the shoulder or her arm. She wantet her to die slowly and painfully. After a couple of stabbs the person was pushed away and Kenny colappsed. Still conscious she crawled to Yannic, but everything was to late.

Kenny with the death Yannic: Show

Since that day, Kenny wanted to be a Huntress. Not just to help kill grimm, but to be fast enough to help people, so they don't have to go through hell like she did... And because Yannic always wanted to be a Huntsmen...

Personality:
Kenny is a friendly and kind human, who gives everyone a chance.
She really hates the humans who are against Faunus and in her opinion, it doesn´t metter if you are Human or Faunus, you are still a person.
She isn't that good in making friends, not because she is shy, it is just that she don't know what to say to start or continue a conversation.
After she knows the person that will change, than she can't keep her mouth shut untill someone tells her to slow down.
She gets pretty angry when she see or hear someone getting bullied and she will always step in and help the person who really need it.
Kenny is royal and if you have her trust once, she never let anything get you.
She also is stubborn but foxy. Doing bad puns are involved for every person who tries to life with her.
By the way, Kenny really likes chocolate. And you better don´t take it away from her.

Aura: Kenny´s aura color is red.
She doesn't use her aura that much and all in all it isn't that strong, but she can still block simple attacks with it. For stronger attacks it isn't that easy. It may isn't as strong as the ones of the other first year students, but after all, her Aura is more into healing than blocking.

Semblance: Kenny´s Semblance is a little flying heart named Kuma. It isn´t a semblance that you just can activate, because Kuma always is flying besides Kenny.

All in all: 'Kuma' is a red flying heart. It is Kennys best friend and she cares a lot about her. It has the size of Kemnys hand.

Kuma is all over about healing and protection. If Kenny, or whatever person Kuma stays with, will be attackt, she can be used as shield. Kuma will be the center of this shild, while around her is a red, transparent wall, which is 1 meters long and 2 meter high. She is able to dodge directly attacks and attacks from the distance.
How strong Kuma is while fighting, depends on how long the fight already gone and how much she already took.
Of course, she can´t dodge permanently and will need her rest.
Kuma still can be a protective shield when Kenny is unconscious or far away.

Kuma will follow everything what Kenny says, even if she knows how bad this idea is.
Outside of battle, Kenny can be able to "understand" Kuma. Kuma may can´t speak, but because it´s still Kennys semblance, Kenny can problem-free understand Kuma.
Unlike other things, Kuma just floats besides Kenny the hole time and don't have something like a weapon bag.
It is also a disadvantage that she flys beside Kenny. Kuma will turn white as soon she gets knocked out. Kuma can't die, but get hurt badly and will have to recover from injures like everybody else. How log this will take depends on how bad it is.

The first time Kenny used her semblance was shortly after her brother died. She was training outside with her father as some grimm showed up. Is wasn't a dangerous situation, because Kenny knew her father would easily kill every one of them. Still, he wantet Kenny to try it out. Back then, she already had her weapon shattered, but five beowulfes were to much for the beginning. She killed two of them, but the third got her from behind and thats when her semblance activated. The shield hold the beowulf back, while her father took care of the last three.
After that, her semblance didn't disappear and followed Kenny everywhere.
Since then she decidet to call her Kuma and they became best friends

Combat Behavior: Kenny fights a lot of defensive, and because of that, her dodgin skills are pretty good. She can´t take too much damage at once and is quickly out of battle if she don´t dodge.
Kenny never just rushes into a fight without thinking, however, she can´t improvising.
Also does she never get tiered easely. She divides her strenght so she can fight a long time without to be exhausted.
Kenny tries not to draw any attention to her and while fighting she prefers to remain in the shadows.
She is good in climbing, and use high places to hide for the right time to strike.
She isn't a strong fighter and her attacks aren't that strong, but that doesn't mean that she is weak.

Weapon:

Weapon Name: Shattered Klinge
Form: Shattered Klinge looks like a normal knife
All in all: "Shattered Klinge" is a knife which can be used with every kind of dust. At first it looks like a normal knife, but with the right dust it can be much more dangerous than you think.
(A bit like penny´s weapon) can one of her knifes turn to many others, which are connected.

Shattered Klinge: Show

Theme: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FNe4DyW7hGI

Little gif serie: Show

--------------

I used pictures from Undertale and the Undertale AU Storyshift

Title: Re: Chara Dreemurr
Post by: Poof! on February 05, 2017, 09:17:44 AM

I don't know how much of the rules you have read, but it looks to me like you're basically ripping a character out of one series and placing them here. Just so you're aware, the mods will never accept this app as is, because you are not creating an original character.

Title: Re: Chara Dreemurr
Post by: PegasusCat on February 05, 2017, 09:23:31 AM

The thing is,
Chara is a character of a game and there she just says 5 lines. The hole story of Chara and the hole AU Storyshift (from where I got the pictures and idea)
is made by the community and is not actually so in the game.
Also I did make up a lot of things. Like that chara were absurd by her parents or the party where Asriel and Frisk died.
Thats why i thought it would be okay doing it like that.

Title: Re: Chara Dreemurr
Post by: Poof! on February 05, 2017, 09:32:24 AM

Quote from: Chara on February 05, 2017, 09:23:31 AM

The thing is,
Chara is a character of a game and there she just says 5 lines. The hole story of Chara and the hole AU Storyshift (from where I got the pictures and idea)
is made by the community and is not actually so in the game.
Also I did make up a lot of things. Like that chara were absurd by her parents or the party where Asriel and Frisk died.
Thats why i thought it would be okay doing it like that.

So you basically just admitted to ripping a character and using them here, with a few additions in order to suit the universe of RWBY. The mods have disallowed characters for less; I would suggest taking a look through the accepted characters area to skim over some of the reasons why some of the players had to modify their characters. There was a character, I can't remember who it was off the top of my head, but she had a similar appearance to Jinx, similar personality, similar weaponry, a symbol replicating her personality and weapons, and I guess her semblance catered to all of these things? She was asked to change all of it in order to be accepted. And that was just for being similar to a character from another universe, not a straight rip.

Also, I might add, that teleportation type semblance are fairly common, as are speed and strength type semblances, just as a heads up.

Title: Re: Chara Dreemurr
Post by: PegasusCat on February 05, 2017, 09:40:05 AM

Well, i guess I can change a lot of it, like family and the story .
Stuff like age , personality and weapon still is something that i made up but i guess i can mage a few little changes so that it would fit in more.

Also, that with the rules. Like I said, English isn't my first language. maybe I overlooked or didn't understand this topic exactly. Was it with the canon characters? Because i through that they mean canon from RWBY, that I can't make an character canon to the actual RWBY timeline. Like I would make a daughter of Yang

Title: Re: Chara Dreemurr
Post by: Poof! on February 05, 2017, 09:54:43 AM

It's okay, you're doing very good with English so far. But yes, we do not use Cannon RWBY characters on this site. However, we also don't need Master Chief, Doctor Who, Aizen, Natsu Dragneel, or Chris Redfield walking around either, if you understand. This site, at least insofar as the regular content and character creation, is for Original Characters within the RWBY universe. You can have influences from the above mentioned characters, but that's it.

Title: Re: Chara Dreemurr
Post by: PegasusCat on February 05, 2017, 09:57:28 AM

Than I just go editing the profil so that it will be a new story. I guess i still will use the pictures, but the rest i will rewrite

Title: Re: Chara Dreemurr
Post by: Poof! on February 05, 2017, 10:08:36 AM

http://rwby-rpg.rwbyfanon.com/index.php/topic,751.0.html

Take a look up there, it's pretty handy for avoiding things the mods will disapprove of. If you need any further assistance, don'tbe afraid to ask.

Title: Re: Chara Dreemurr
Post by: PegasusCat on February 05, 2017, 10:41:04 AM

Okay, I did change a lot of stuff. The age, The name, The Family and the whole story.
The weapon and semblance I didn`t change because they aren´t really from the game, especially the thing with the heart is made up

Welp, i hope it will work like this

Title: Re: Kenny Tihanu
Post by: Poof! on February 05, 2017, 10:54:23 AM

Firstly, you should utilize the character template they present to the players in the character creation guide. If you do not use it, the mods won't even look at your application.

For KUMA: If it is not a weapon, then what is it doing in the weapon section? How does it give her all these crazy powers? How do the poems themselves actually work? I see what they do, but it doesn't describe at all how it goes about doing these things. Honestly, This looks more like a semblance than anything, and would be far more interesting than simple teleportation.

Title: Re: Kenny Tihanu
Post by: PegasusCat on February 05, 2017, 11:41:47 AM

Okay, hopefully its is ok now.
It´s kinda annoying eding it over and over again

Title: Re: Kenny Tihanu
Post by: nathan67003 on February 05, 2017, 12:11:26 PM

Put large images under spoilers. Just a friendly suggestion.

Title: Re: Kenny Tihanu
Post by: Poof! on February 05, 2017, 12:11:52 PM

Quote from: Kenny on February 05, 2017, 11:41:47 AM

Okay, hopefully its is ok now.
It´s kinda annoying eding it over and over again

Trust me, better to edit it here than in character creation. You want to make your character as airtight as possible before moving it there, because it can take a long time for even a single mod to approve something if there is a myriad of problems, and all apps require TWO approvals.

I understand that English is not your first language, but for native English speakers, reading some of what you wrote can make it feel a little disjointed and take away from an otherwise smooth and easy read. I recommend using a spell-checker first, and when that is finished, to ask for one of us to go through and help your sentence structures. The easier and more enjoyable it is for the mods to read through, the more likely you will be approved.

For combat behaviour, you mention she is a sneaky fighter that can fight for long periods of time, right? And that she can't take too many hits? What makes her sneaky? Does she employ traps, or strike from long distance? Does she prefer to stay in the shadows, or does she like to actually shadow her target? These are just personal questions I'm curious about.

Title: Re: Kenny Tihanu
Post by: PegasusCat on February 05, 2017, 12:48:21 PM

better now?

Title: Re: Kenny Tihanu
Post by: Poof! on February 05, 2017, 12:57:35 PM

There is still reference to Chara in your app.

Who were these people that wanted to kill faunus? Did they specifically seek out the family? Was it random? Where did Kenny's adopted family live? Why did they choose to adopt Kenny in the first place? What happened to her biological parents? Who was this gang of people that tried to kill a six year old girl, for seemingly no reason? Why did the faunus family decide to save her? How did they save her? Two people vs. A gang? The numerical odds aren't in their favour, considering a 'gang' is usually comprised of more than 2 people. Were the faunus Huntsman and huntress? Is that why they were able to defeat the random malevolent bloodthirsty gang members?

Title: Re: Kenny Tihanu
Post by: PegasusCat on February 05, 2017, 01:05:27 PM

Okay, this is still a lot to edit. I guess I have work to do

Title: Re: Kenny Tihanu
Post by: PegasusCat on February 05, 2017, 01:34:24 PM

Man, that's more work than I thought, but I think I answered the most of your questions

Title: Re: Kenny Tihanu
Post by: Poof! on February 05, 2017, 01:57:28 PM

There is still mention of Chara in your History section.

Now that grimm are attacking her, what is the relevance of the gang she meets when she is 6?

Where is this big forest and the town in relation to Vale? I suggest being vague about the town, just noting it's size or location or name unless you plan to use the world building section of the game.

Once again, who is this supposed organization of human terrorists? Are they just a bunch of slobbering murder hobos that go around stabbing every faunus they see? Because people like that get thrown in jail or attract too many grim to live. Or are they underground assassin's? Taking out a full fledged Huntsman and huntress, once again, is no small task. They have trained at least 8 years straight in nothing but how to fight and defend others.

And how did Kenny and her brother know about these people? If they knew about these people, then why wouldn't their Huntsman parents and their team be more cautious? In fact, if this group were so reknown, why aren't they being taken more seriously?

Title: Re: Kenny Tihanu
Post by: PegasusCat on February 05, 2017, 02:03:22 PM

Okay, here in germany it is a bit late so I gonna edit the rest tomorrow. Till then iI have enough time to think about how I extend the story so there will be no more questions

Title: Re: Kenny Tihanu
Post by: Kingnoname1 on February 05, 2017, 02:20:39 PM

I'd also reign in Kenny's semblance as most people have one ability while you have nine. Sure people can apply their abilities in different situations but they should all be related. I'd also not call it a soul considering in setting all semblance are representative of that persons soul.

You probably need more weaknesses in your combat behaviour as well, current you have:
+good dodger
-low hp
+determined
+intelligent
+high stamina
+good at climbing
the mods say 2-3 weaknesses so I'd recommend maybe not hitting very hard(high dex/con but low str) either or maybe not being able to improvise(to balance Kennys intelligence.)

Title: Re: Kenny Tihanu
Post by: PegasusCat on February 06, 2017, 09:46:44 AM

Okay, so that you don't have to read it all over again, here the thinks I edit:

By her semblance:
"It is also a disadvantage that she flys beside Kenny. If between Kuma and Kenny is to much distance, all of the powers and boosts will disappear. Kuma then will turn white. The same thing will happen if Kuma gets knocked out. Kuma can't die, but get hurt badly and will have to recover from injures like everybody else."

Also, I changed the word soul into heart.

Combat Behavior:

+good dodger
-low hp
+determined (I wouldn't take this as a point, because it's her semblance)
+intelligent
+high stamina
+good at climbing
-Don't do much damage
-Bad swimmer

History: okay, I edit the guys she meet with 6 out.
Also, the village where she lived was in the south of vale

And here more to the organization

"She once overheard her parents talking about them, how they raid a villig in vacuo
Kenny never knew how they called themself but nearly every adult around did. It was a big organization, which lifed in the shadows. Most of the time they go to little villages with small population. Some of them even were Huntsman or Huntress in the past. Why the changed paths does no one knows. Others trained there, to be that strong there are and still others just stab around until they hit. Kenny didn't hear about them in a while, and the last move they did, was in the kingdom vacuo. They never thought that they would actually come to there village"

Title: Re: Kenny Tihanu
Post by: Poof! on February 06, 2017, 10:08:12 AM

As much as having the anti-faunus 'organization' could be a very intriguing background point to have in your character's story, I don't think you quite grasp how to properly tie things together in a cohesive way. That's not meant to be a jab at you personally, so just try to roll with the criticism here.

Kenny is living in Vale, yeah? What are Vacuan baddies doing in Vale? If they raided a villages in Vacuo, why would they suddenly appear in Vale? And specifically, at Kenny's house. 'They lived in the shadows', but yet somehow every adult around knows of them? You know what these kinds of people are? Bandits. The show describes them in one episode.

Seriously though, if you want them to be some big anti-faunus organization that go around with trained Huntsman to murdalize the spit out of faunus en-masse, then you're going to have to actually make that organization in the world build, and only with mod approval. It's fine to have just a random bandit attack stand in to do what you intend for that part of Kenny's history to accomplish.

A note on your combat behaviour: personally, unless the village is on an island, or your character is from Mistral, swimming isn't going to come into play in a combat scenario. Like....at all. It has absolutely no relevance, and isn't a negative point for combat behaviour. At most I would call it a small character quirk.

Title: Re: Kenny Tihanu
Post by: PegasusCat on February 06, 2017, 10:37:12 AM

(Welp, I´m never good with criticism, but I know that you just want me to finally get a right canditature, so it´s okay I guess)

So, I add in combat behaviour that she can´t improvis, so that fits.

And.... I edit the part with this whole organization out. It´s just annoys me now...

Title: Re: Kenny Tihanu
Post by: Poof! on February 06, 2017, 02:06:13 PM

Chara is still in there btw...

Title: Re: Kenny Tihanu
Post by: PegasusCat on February 06, 2017, 02:09:42 PM

where? I edit everything that had to do with chara out :/

Title: Re: Kenny Tihanu
Post by: nathan67003 on February 06, 2017, 02:11:33 PM

Yeah, guys, remember to quote stuff for ultimate clarity and ease of editing.

Title: Re: Kenny Tihanu
Post by: Kingnoname1 on February 06, 2017, 11:34:51 PM

Thought I posted this before but the issue I think the mods will have with your semblance isn't it's power rather it not really fitting in how the show has presented semblances in the past. Ruby has speed because she is hyperactive, Blake has clones because she runs away from her problems and Yang throws hissy fits. Each character has one ability which represents one major part of their character. Kenny on the other hand has a strength boost, stealth boost, speed boost, attack speed boost, cast root or fear as well as go berserk. I know this is from a game but I don't think the mods will allow such a large array of different effectively semblances in the same character.

Also you don't really need to cut out the Faunus hating guys, just the bit about them being super well known. I have Faunus hating guys in my characters backstory and the mods thought it was fine. And Kenny's whole drive to become a hunter is basically because his adopted family died so that still needs to happen.

Title: Re: Kenny Tihanu
Post by: nathan67003 on February 07, 2017, 05:40:42 AM

Ruby's semblance isn't really speed, seeing as she can dissolve into petals.

Title: Re: Kenny Tihanu
Post by: Kingnoname1 on February 07, 2017, 06:16:03 AM

Personally that's more the visual representation of it but even so that plays into her core character designs.

Title: Re: Kenny Tihanu
Post by: PegasusCat on February 07, 2017, 07:08:03 AM

oh...
Hmm, to be honest I really like my semblance idea and don't really want to change it.
If I have to i do it, but than I don't know what I can have as exchange.
I just don't know what would fit to Kenny

So can kepp my semblance nevertheless?

Title: Re: Kenny Tihanu
Post by: Janus Rogo on February 07, 2017, 11:45:58 AM

Unlikely. Too many abilities. Semblances can do one thing. Some boost strength, some allow elemental contro, some create little energy drones. Janus' generates thrust. Etc. You've got, like, seven abilities in one.

Title: Re: Kenny Tihanu
Post by: PegasusCat on February 07, 2017, 12:04:41 PM

Yeah, and thats why I made her fly besides Kenny. As soon someone knocks kuma out all of this is gone. So if the opponent just manage to hit Kuma hard, Kenny is left with no semblance till Kuma somehow recovers, which even can take days (Depends on how bad it is)
Also everything will consume power so she can't even use everything in one battle.

So I guss that will make it even

Title: Re: Kenny Tihanu
Post by: Zerco on February 07, 2017, 12:09:20 PM

The semblance provides waaay too much utility though as it is so the mods will probably tell you to change or get rid of some parts.

Well... Its rich coming from someone who has a character in the WIP section that has a really flexible semblance but you get the point. >.<

Title: Re: Kenny Tihanu
Post by: PegasusCat on February 07, 2017, 12:19:14 PM

Maybe ist the best think just to wait until a mod shows up and says his opinion.

Title: Re: Kenny Tihanu
Post by: nathan67003 on February 07, 2017, 12:23:22 PM

Yeah, I'm working on a cheaty semblance too, but the point is: if you can't isolate what the semblance does in a single sentence, you need to trim it down. 'Having a familiar' would be fine. 'Having a familiar that can provide support' would also be fine (although in both cases, said familiar would need to be rather lame, depending on the char's age and qualifications). But 'Having a familiar that can nearly function as a deus ex machina' is probably not fine.

I know, I've had problems with my chars before. Pretty much all of them. Heck, Nathan started with 'can manipulate kinetic energy', but that was deemed to reach too broad and was nerfed to 'can affect his own kinetic energy', or something close to that formulation.

All in all: do 1 (this is relative) thing, and nerf.

Title: Re: Kenny Tihanu
Post by: Janus Rogo on February 07, 2017, 12:27:46 PM

Quote from: PegasusCat on February 07, 2017, 12:19:14 PM

Maybe ist the best think just to wait until a mod shows up and says his opinion.

You do know I'm one of the Worldbuild Mods, right? I'm not Character Creation, but I generally know my stuff.

Title: Re: Kenny Tihanu
Post by: nathan67003 on February 07, 2017, 12:30:32 PM

Yeah, Janus is mod.

Thankfully, I already knew that.

Title: Re: Kenny Tihanu
Post by: Zerco on February 07, 2017, 12:32:07 PM

Yeah! I totally knew that too! Yes!

Didn't know it at all but I'm pretending I did.

Title: Re: Kenny Tihanu
Post by: Janus Rogo on February 07, 2017, 12:33:59 PM

No idea how the fuck it happened, but hey, whatever, I guess.

Title: Re: Kenny Tihanu
Post by: nathan67003 on February 07, 2017, 12:37:32 PM

Congratulations out of nowhere. You must have been deemed competent by the powers that be.

Title: Re: Kenny Tihanu
Post by: PegasusCat on February 07, 2017, 12:39:18 PM

If it´s so, I can trow the whole "Kuma" thing out of the window
But like I said befor. I. Have. NO. Idea. What. I. Can. Do. As. Exchange. For. The. Samlance.
(I´m not creativ, basta)

Title: Re: Kenny Tihanu
Post by: nathan67003 on February 07, 2017, 12:45:22 PM

I think most people that have no clue just defer to the superpower listing or ask friends.

Speaking of which, here's my suggestion: something vaguely about protecting others? Or something?

Hey, might be the ability to produce small (and initially lame as heck) familiars that she can then 'attach' (i.e. make them follow and help) to others (when they don't mind, so she wouldn't be able to stick it onto an enemy and such). Familiar may be able to provide some support (somehow) or outright help, or even just keep Kenny updated on others' situations.

Dunno.

Title: Re: Kenny Tihanu
Post by: PegasusCat on February 07, 2017, 12:52:47 PM

Okay, i have an idea.
I let Kuma be a semblance, but i gonna remove all of the color stuff. Kuma is red, and can turn white when she is really bad injured.
I just give Kuma in her normal form an ability so that she can to something in her form and she will be like a little sidekick.
Like, can distract others. Would that be okay?

Title: Re: Kenny Tihanu
Post by: MonsterManic on February 07, 2017, 12:53:32 PM

Maybe create a small familiar (1 at a time) that follows a person and acts as another eye?
Either that or act as some form of fire/healing support?

Title: Re: Kenny Tihanu
Post by: nathan67003 on February 07, 2017, 12:54:38 PM

Yeah, Peg, what you suggested seems fine.

Title: Re: Kenny Tihanu
Post by: Zerco on February 07, 2017, 12:55:30 PM

I agree with nathan.

Title: Re: Kenny Tihanu
Post by: PegasusCat on February 07, 2017, 01:17:32 PM

So, now it has to be okay

Title: Re: Kenny Tihanu
Post by: nathan67003 on February 07, 2017, 01:22:13 PM

1) Limit the familiar's intelligence. Unless you somehow get the mods on your side, it shouldn't be entirely autonomous decision-wise. Like, it'll follow an order, but it won't 'come up with new orders' on its own.

2) Healing or protection. Not both.

Title: Re: Kenny Tihanu
Post by: PegasusCat on February 07, 2017, 01:32:29 PM

Okay, Okay. Better now? :P

Title: Re: Kenny Tihanu
Post by: nathan67003 on February 07, 2017, 01:37:06 PM

Much, much better. I think I feel relatively good handing that section over to the mods to review.

How 'bout everyone else? Mal? Janus? Monster?

Title: Re: Kenny Tihanu
Post by: Zerco on February 07, 2017, 01:41:04 PM

Looks good to me. Spelling and grammar could be better but other than that it looks fine.

Title: Re: Kenny Tihanu
Post by: MonsterManic on February 07, 2017, 02:24:44 PM

Right! I've been taking a bit of a back-line approach to all this, but it's probably best for me to come out firing here. Very sorry if this is harsh, but ultimately it will (hopefully) do this character a world of good.
First! Chara is STILL in the description. Right under the second spoiler "Kenny with the death yannic".

I've found that unless your character is edgy, the mods will generally not pick holes in the history. However, to curry favour (make things easier), I suggest you rearrange the history section into more of a complete story and less short sentences. This makes reading much easier for the mods and they will thank you for this. I know that english isn't your first language (neither is mine), and I am willing to provide any help needed.

Personality looks good to me. Again, maybe restructure your sentences.

You might have to add a few details to the Aura section. No offense, but two sentences will not make the cut. I suggest specific weaknesses / strengths to her Aura, maybe bad at healing wounds/blocking attacks.
For her semblance, this is where I find the most problems (as do all mods). From what I can read, Kuma is a floating shield that can move to others. Several problems arise:
-Where does this semblance come from? Its history?
-How strong is the shield? What can it block and how much?
-How long does Kuma have to recover for?
These details will round out your character well.

Combat Behavior looks fine. Weaknesses aplenty, but that's expected. More restructuring and maybe a bit of grammar and word correction.

For her weapon, many people leave that section short and sweet. I've personally disagreed, but here, you might want to say what dust does what to her knife. Fire dust ignites the blade, for example.

Sorry if this is a bit of a rant, I just want to help you. Feel free to ask about anything you don't understand.

Title: Re: Kenny Tihanu
Post by: PegasusCat on February 07, 2017, 03:05:02 PM

I tried my best to edit some of the sentence and add the things for the aura and the semblance.

Also, thanks for the think with chara. I really didn't noticed it.

Welp, have to go for now. it's late again in germany

Title: Re: Kenny Tihanu
Post by: nathan67003 on February 07, 2017, 03:44:09 PM

Aura (not semblance) description can be absurdly generic. Few mention that it's special ('higher' or 'lower') or not and usually just stick to the esthetics provided by Aura (Yang's flaming hair, for example).

However, if you wanna overhaul, go ahead.

Title: Re: Kenny Tihanu
Post by: PegasusCat on February 08, 2017, 07:55:05 AM

Okay, I blame my bad english fo not completely understand everything, but I guess what i add wasn't quite what you want

Title: Re: Kenny Tihanu
Post by: nathan67003 on February 08, 2017, 07:59:41 AM

What you wrote is fine, just that it's basically saying 'her defense is weaker than average, so she'll take more damage from bigger hits'. Wether or not you want to have to deal with that underpowered aspect is entirely up to you. For now.

Title: Re: Kenny Tihanu
Post by: PegasusCat on February 08, 2017, 08:17:07 AM

I want to let it like this for the start. After all, she is a first year student and her 'real' training is still befor her ^^

Title: Re: Kenny Tihanu
Post by: MonsterManic on February 08, 2017, 08:18:10 AM

Go, then, with our full support behind you. Pray that the mods haven't been drinking the last night and that they aren't in a bad mood. :D

Title: Re: Kenny Tihanu
Post by: PegasusCat on February 08, 2017, 09:55:27 AM

RWBYFanon v5

RPG Creations => Character Creation => WiP Characters => Topic started by: PegasusCat on February 05, 2017, 06:26:28 AM