RWBYFanon v5

RPG Creations => Character Creation => WiP Characters => Topic started by: PegasusCat on February 23, 2017, 01:00:12 PM

Title: Caro Hopplen
Post by: PegasusCat on February 23, 2017, 01:00:12 PM
CHARACTER

Name: Caro Hopplen

Age: 17

Gender and Species: Female Human

Symbol: Her Symbol (http://www.fotos-hochladen.net/uploads/img05736m2uqdkvbo.jpg) is a wolf head in tribal style.

Occupation: First year beacon academy

Appearance:
Spoiler: ShowHide
(http://img5.fotos-hochladen.net/uploads/img05799efg2uyth5.png)

Caro is a young human girl who is 162cm high and 51kilo heavy, which can make her look anorexic for some people.
Her face is neutral and barely shows any emotions.
She has messy, long, black-brown hair, bright green eyes and have scratches all over her arms.

She wears a black jacket over an white shirt and grey, long jeans. Caro don't like this style of clothes but will wear it if she has to.
If she's somewhere alone, she prefers to a long scarf over an short sweatshirt and some shorts.
She also hates every kind of shoes. She can't take the feeling of them on her feet and will take them off as soon she can.

A black belt covers her waist on which is a holder for her weapon.

History: Caro never got the chance to knew her parents. She was an orphan for her whole life.
She lived in a huge forest in the north of vale.
There were always storys about children which are raised by wolves or other animals, and caro is one of them.
In the forest weren't many grimm, and the few there were, never injured caro badly, but they tried enough to give her some scars.
The wolf herd in which she was part off, feed her and took care of her.
Everything was nice, besides the grimm, who decided to show up here and there, but it was everything she had, and she was glad for it.

She may lived with the animals the whole time, but she new human stuff as well. Near the Forest was a campsite and humans loved to come there with there children, and she watched them. Everyday caro would go to this place, watch what the humans do, learn from them. From there, she also found the long vestment, which was her only clothes she had.

When she was around 11 years old, she again went to the campside. The fire was still burning but no one was around. After a short time, she knew why. The grimm lurked everywhere.
The people probably tried to run, but the corpses a few meters away told her that they didn't make it.
One of the grimm walked over the still burning fire and scattered the ember. A little spark flew towards the bushes and suddenly more and more sparks went in all directions.
The grimm sat the forest on fire.
Caro run, she wantet to see her family. Where were they? The fire came closer and Caro's strength slowly faded away, but she continued searching until she becomes unconscious.

When she woke up, she was in a white room. She had other clothes and those... humans tried to speak with her.
In panic Caro bite one of the two mann's and growled at him. It was enough for him to know that talking won't do much
After countless of hours some other person showed up. Back then, she didn't knew that she was a Huntress. The Huntress who get her out of the fire. This person was her teacher, this one person showed her the human world. Real food, clothes, and even teaches her to talk..... more or less. She was 24/7 by Caro's side and tried to teach her more every second. Tried...
But over the years she learned to trust her, and took the learning seriousp.
After her teacher saw Caro's semblance, she started to teach her fighting, in hope that she may become a huntress sooner or later. Her teacher told her the history from the Huntsman and Huntresses and that they fight agains the grimm. Caro didnīt need to hear more. Killing Grimm? Like hell she wanted to become a Huntress!
Because her teacher was formerly one of the teachers at beacon Academy, she could teach Caro more that just simply fighting off Grimm and knew how was the best way to teach.
Even with all this training she did those 6 years, she still is a child who was raised by wolves. She often growls, bite people when they get to close, slepps rolled amd still has more than many problems with talking.

Personality: Caro can't talk much, don't do much with others or..... is like the others in any way. Her speaking skills are way not the best and she tries to avoid any kind of conversation.

She might understand most of what people are saying, but talking or even thinking in complete sentences is another topic.

Besides that, she still acts like an animals in most of her daily life. If someone threat her, she goes on all fours and starts growling at her opponent.

Caro is always interested in finding new stuff out. She just knew the human world for six years and haven't even seen half of it.

She never made any friends beside her old teacher, but every friend she will make, she would protect with her life, like in a real pack. She respect the ones who also respect her and she will always stand up for whatever she thinks is right

Caro may don't look like it, but she is brave as hell and never backs away from a challenge.

Aura: Caro's aura color is a neon green
She never got to use her aura much in the wood's and never  even knew what an aura was. She learned to use her Aura to improve her senses in Smelling and hearing, from her teacher. wich she also used a lot when she still was with the wolves.

Semblance:    Changeling
Caro fully masterd her semblance to change into an wolf.
She can hold her animal form for at least a day, if nothing happens, but in a fight it depends on how much damage she took and how exhausting the fight is.

As soon as her energy fade away, she change back into a human.

she as wolf: ShowHide
(http://www.theearthchild.co.za/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/e9e7bc9ee23efb70a676022b516ff40e.jpg)


Combat Behavior:  Caro may don't want to do much with others in other situations, but in fights, she gladly have people around her. It reminds her of the time she hunted with her herd.
She is quick and nimble, what will get boosted even more when she's turning into a wolf.
Then she is really strong and can take much hits, but that doesn't mean that she is invincible, even she gets out of breath or can be to wounded to fight.

Caro let her guard down quick and isn't always going for the smart way in battle.
Because she lived with the wolves, she isn't a good climber or swimmer.
Another disadvantage is that her view isn't that good and can quickly turn agains her.

In Fights Caro will mainly follow the leaders comand, however, she also can rush forward and take aktion by herself.

WEAPON

Name: No name given

Form: Dagger. It's just a dagger...

History: After she got accepted (her teacher write it for her, and also send a video to show her fighting skills) she got the dagger as present from her teacher. She knew that Caro wouldn't get along with a big and mechanical weapon, so she gave her a simple dagger.

Theme's:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SkAcVICDJ8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjRn9lYguV0
Title: Re: Caro Hopplen
Post by: nathan67003 on February 23, 2017, 01:01:12 PM
Formatting is a mess right now. Just a friendly reminder.
Title: Re: Caro Hopplen
Post by: PegasusCat on February 23, 2017, 01:14:46 PM
Well thank you, I noticed that....
Title: Re: Caro Hopplen
Post by: nathan67003 on February 23, 2017, 01:20:29 PM
Sorry, seems I jumped the gun. My bad :P
Title: Re: Caro Hopplen
Post by: Timeworker on February 23, 2017, 01:23:11 PM
Hi!
'Names timeworker and il see what things you can edit a bit before this is moved to character creation.

Let's start with some glaring and not so glaring issues.

Appearance:
According to a standard height and weight chart being 162cm and weighing around 115lbs is a decently healthy weight and defiantly not enough to make someone look anorexic. May I also just quickly remind you that beacon is a combat academy and that if you cannot meet the physical requirements you cannot join.


History:
You're gonna need to overhaul some major points
-you can't be raised by animals
-point above kinda messes with the continuity of the rest of the profile
-Grimm will murder you without hesitation and as a kid you can't do anything to stop that.

Semblance:
Choose one animal
Title: Re: Caro Hopplen
Post by: nathan67003 on February 23, 2017, 03:48:51 PM
I think Time meant: 162 cm. I assume the 115 is pounds.
Title: Re: Caro Hopplen
Post by: Kingnoname1 on February 23, 2017, 09:00:05 PM
Hey good job getting your first character approved lets hope this one gets through even quicker.

Just a few things to add to Time's points; I'd add the motivation which Caro has to become a hunter, it's probably Grimm but never hurts to be specific. Beacon Academy is also a school so you might want to add a bit where she learnt the academic side pf things. There are also a few inconsistencies, you say Caro's aura can't protect her but she is very strong/tough, maybe make her aura strictly about boosting those physical stats rather than the other abilities like shock waves and danger sense. And this line 'Disadvantage? Her visibility isn't that good and can quickly turn against her' doesn't make much sense. Visibility is how well others see you so having poor visibility is a good thing.
Title: Re: Caro Hopplen
Post by: PegasusCat on February 24, 2017, 08:51:59 AM
Oke, one thing after another,

-Why canīt I being rased by wolves? We might never saw any wolves in the series but that doesnīt mean that they donīt exist in te world of ranmant, and also, there are a lot of people in RL wich are rased by animals so I prefer etting this stand like it is.
-I elaborate the History part about she becoming a Huntress a bit more.
- Ok, I took your suggestion and put that with her senses in her Aura and I edited the think with the visibility, thanks
Title: Re: Caro Hopplen
Post by: nathan67003 on February 24, 2017, 08:58:32 AM
If you cannot find actual, credible sources (I'd suggest at least 3) about people being raised by animals, the mods will deny you the right to have this character even exist.

And even if you can, they may not be okay with it. Still, if you find them credible sources, give it a shot, otherwise many mods will have a problem.

P.S: I speak from experience here. I gave several mods white hairs.
Title: Re: Caro Hopplen
Post by: PegasusCat on February 24, 2017, 09:17:18 AM
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amala_and_Kamala
http://www.bbc.com/culture/story/20151012-feral-the-children-raised-by-wolves

Oke, that are more than three examples, but is it good enough? I also got some of the infos from the Amala and Kamala text
Title: Re: Caro Hopplen
Post by: nathan67003 on February 24, 2017, 03:14:02 PM
It's probably as good as it gets. Wether or not it flies is up to the mods, at this point.
Title: Re: Caro Hopplen
Post by: PegasusCat on February 24, 2017, 03:29:09 PM
welp, everything else i need to change on the profil?
Title: Re: Caro Hopplen
Post by: Dr. Gustave on February 24, 2017, 04:22:59 PM
Staff don't usually intervene in WiP but, uh... hm. I'm gonna start with the whole feral child bit but there's a bunch wrong. Actually, scratch that. First if your spelling.Your profile states you're from Germany, so english likely isn't you first language, and that's fine. People make mistakes with second languages, I sure do. That said, this is a site centered around writing, so I urge you to check your spelling and grammar.

With that out of the way, the profile... So to start with those two links, I had actually read the second article before  independently and I urge you to read it over. They are short summaries of what happened to the children but going down the list:
Spoiler: ShowHide
Raised by kennel dogs for six years, ever since she was two. She was rescued in 1991 and as of October 2015 when the article was written, she's STILL living in a clinic.
Raised by wolves for an unknown amount of time. There wasn't any "taking care of" here, he was a part of the pack. He had to fight others for any food he needed and likely had to hunt for his own food. In addition, he never learned to speak. He was rescued in 1972 but died in 1985, at the age of 17... similarities, similarities...
Raised by monkeys for five years. Again, she wasn't given any food, she had to learn to survive on her own by copying them. That said, this is a rare story that ends well, as she's now married with two children.
Also raised by monkeys for four years, starting when he was two. While it doesn't mention much info, you can guess from the context of the others that it wasn't a great time.
Raised by dogs from birth until she was three years old. She was lucky enough to share food instead of needing to fight for it and due to her extremely young age, was able to be mentally and physically healthy in the end.
Raised by chickens for an unknown amount of time but was found at the age of eight in 1978. In the end, it was incredibly difficult for him to adjust and is still being cared for today by someone else.
Raised by dogs for two years, from the age of four to the age of six. He was smart/lucky enough to become a sort of pack leader by feeding the dogs scraps. (You can't do that with wolves) Unknown what happened to him in the end.
TL;DR - The kids who were able to come out of this well off, or even just okay, were the ones with short exposure in the wilds. Not the ones who were in there for six years, and certainly not someone who was feral for thirteen years, like Caro. You've included all the cool stuff (being raised by wolves) but didn't include or glanced over the important stuff, the consequences (Years of rehabilitation, a thirteen year lag on information compared to everyone else their age, etc.)

Now the first article you linked, I have reason to doubt. Specifically, a reason in the very first paragraph of the article. "Their story attracted substantial mainstream attention and debate. However the account was reported and promoted by only one source, the clergyman who claimed to have discovered the girls. Because of this, there is some controversy as to the authenticity of the story with some researchers arguing that the girls were autistic. French surgeon Serge Aroles concluded in his book L'Enigme des enfants-loup (Enigma of the Wolf-Children, 2007) that the story was a hoax." We're going into this with it MOST LIKELY being a hoax. But let's assume it's true. "The girls enjoyed the taste of raw meat and would eat out of a bowl on the ground. They seemed to be insensitive to cold and heat and appeared to show no human emotions of any kind, apart from fear. At night they would howl like wolves, calling out to their "family". They did not speak." You say you drew most inspiration from this story but you don't mention anything about emotion at all, or a lack thereof. Further on, both girls die extremely early, Amala at ~1 and Kamala at ~17 and that was while being taken care of. Moving onto the recent study, it's made clear that story is a fabrication.

I direct you to the reality section of Wikipedia's feral children page. "Feral children lack the basic social skills that are normally learned in the process of enculturation. For example, they may be unable to learn to use a toilet, have trouble learning to walk upright after walking on fours all their lives, or display a complete lack of interest in the human activity around them. They often seem mentally impaired and have almost insurmountable trouble learning a human language.[2] The impaired ability to learn a natural language after having been isolated for so many years is often attributed to the existence of a critical period for language learning, and taken as evidence in favor of the critical period hypothesis.[3]"

Keep that in mind. I'm not coming out of this saying "NO FERAL CHILDREN!" I'm coming out of this saying "Sure, you can do that but it has to make a least SOME sense." Not only is it unbelievable, even for RWBY, it's sparsely detailed. You really need to work on that.

Now... the rest of the profile. I promise, I'll be quick.

Appearance: 162cm and 51kg is on the lower end of the spectrum for someone with a small frame, but I wouldn't say anorexic. "why she doesn't wear short clothes around other people, are her many scratches and bruises." I doubt someone raised by wolves for 13 years would be self conscious about her scars, but alright. "Around her scrag dangles a necklace on which are hanging wolf teeth, the largest one in the middle." That's kinda fucked up, that'd be like wearing human teeth... but nothing's WRONG with it per say.

Personality: More details, just in general.

Aura: "She never got to use her aura." "She learned to use her Aura to improve her senses in Smelling and hearing" What?

Semblance: You can change into a wolf OR you can turn into a hawk. Not both. You'll also need more defined limits on the semblance.

Combat Behavior: More detail.

(Weapon) History: "After she got accepted at beacon academy, she got the dagger as present from her teacher" I'm curious as to how she got into beacon.
Title: Re: Caro Hopplen
Post by: PegasusCat on February 26, 2017, 11:34:20 AM
oke, this is a LOT. I guess I completely rewrite it as soon as I have enough spare time
Title: Re: Caro Hopplen
Post by: PegasusCat on March 04, 2017, 01:56:05 PM
So....

I  did some tiny changes in the Story. Made the forest fire with 11 and not with 13 and added a few words about her teacher


The appearance of her is also just slightly edited.

In the Personality I added a few more details, like you wanted and the sentence with auro... I didn't even knew for myself what I was writing there....

Oke.... I let Caro have her wolf and delete the hawk part...

And last, I edited in Combat behavior and how she got her weapon more details.


Title: Re: Caro Hopplen
Post by: Kingnoname1 on March 04, 2017, 08:28:15 PM
I think the major issue people are having with the character is that she has gone through this extremely traumatic experience but has come out of it reasonably together which is not only unrealistic it draws into question why you want her growing up with wolves in the first place. Caro shouldn't only not speak often she should be barely able to speak even if she needs to, not because she is shy but she simply doesn't understand the concept of spoken languages. Now I understand that playing a character who walks on all fours and doesn't get how toilets work wouldn't be fun but as it stands Caro might as well have been by herself the entire time. Very little of her personality traits couldn't of been from isolation rather than wolves and the only thing that does is her semblance. Sure she growls at threats but that is natural rather than wolf-like. On top of this you should explain how Caro managed to get into beacon with only six years of education, maybe even ask if the hunter which found Caro could be one of Beacon's staff? as that would provide a good educator plus a good word in with the headmaster.
Title: Re: Caro Hopplen
Post by: PegasusCat on March 07, 2017, 12:17:14 PM
Oke, I took your idea that her teacher was a formerly teacher at beacon academy and  I tried to point out more, that she still can't talk much and has problems to come around
Title: Re: Caro Hopplen
Post by: MonsterManic on March 07, 2017, 12:30:33 PM
It might be better that, seeing as so many characters have this traumatic life and that orphaned experience, a simple, carefree life with none of those sob stories nor any unique events might work well. I mean, the mods have seen everything there is to offer anyway.
Title: Re: Caro Hopplen
Post by: PegasusCat on March 12, 2017, 06:49:29 AM
Welp, this Character was an idea anyway. I made her just a fearl child because I needed an excuse for her semblance XD

So if it won't work, I let Kenny be my only character for a while or just make up a new Character and put Caro in MiA
Title: Re: Caro Hopplen
Post by: Kingnoname1 on March 12, 2017, 06:57:34 AM
You can just leave Caro here for a while. As long as you keep a copy saved elsewhere you can have as many characters in the WiP board until one of the mods asks you to stop.