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RPG Creations => Character Creation => MiA Characters => Topic started by: El bandito on January 04, 2017, 10:28:45 PM

Title: Andrew Maxwell
Post by: El bandito on January 04, 2017, 10:28:45 PM

Name: Andrew Maxwell

Age: 18

Species and Gender: Faunus (Alaskan Husky dog breed)/ Male.

Symbol: N/A

Occupation: First year In beacon

Appearance: Maxwell is an average sized Faunus, standing about 5'11 and weights around 170 lbs, his skin tone is white (for standing around in the snow for his entire life). Maxwell hair and fur are both brown with a small tint of white creeping along the tip of his hair and ears unlike his short tail which is completely white, he has light blue eyes to compliment his Faunus features. Maxwell hairstyle is simple and nothing to crazy to attract unwanted attention to himself, short hair on the sides while the top is slightly larger which the front end to the left side. Working and living in poor conditions, Maxwell build is completely athletic.

Combat: When in combat Maxwell wears light steel plating armor for flexibly which is able to take some average to small attacks but it is horrible at protecting from heavy attacks/weapons, although it is a huge disadvantage for Maxwell, he wears this for maximum flexibility and light protection. The armor is  placed right on top of a black body glove. He obliviously wears his mask for protection on his face. The mask is plain white wolf mask, black shading around the eye holes and showing off sharp (fake) teeth as a imitation factor.

In public: Maxwell wardrobe is painstakingly fashionable or whatever is "modern". Unable to afford such luxury when he was little, seeing how much money he earns, maxwell would take the chance to dress in some nice skinny jeans with a v-neck shirt or perhaps the long shirt in cold chilly nights.

History: Maxwell had a rough childhood, he was never abused by his parents but the lifestyle that he was living in wasn't fair for a child. In the north region of Atlas, cold winter nights would be dangerous and harmful for a poor family but not Maxwell family. Although the living conditions where horrible, they would make it by the night with what little food and warmth they had. Luckily Maxwell father and mother where raised in the cold winter, making them immune to the harsh winter nights but for Maxwell, he despised it, shivering in his shabby bed, a singular piece of cloth to drape over the night wasn't enough. The parents bedroom wasn't any better either, they barely had enough space for the bed (which also had enough space for the both of them), whatever belongings they have.

The Maxwell family reason to move into Atlas was because one of their relatives told them that they can live a luxurious life with little to no cost at all, of course it was all a lie. The relative lied to them about the place they were going to live, he scammed them from their savings then disappeared from the face of the earth, leaving the family to live in a wood shed. Luckily for Maxwell, his father taught him how to defend himself while he went to work with him while his mother taught him educationally. While growing up Maxwell became more efficient in fighting, this soon lead on to where his father taught him how to hunt prey for food. Whatever income they had for food or house was all made by the young Maxwell and his father.

Maxwell wasn't able to go to any school in Atlas, due to having any money for the books and the I predigous staff and families that resides in the schools. Any education he received was from his mother who taught him how to write, read, math, basically homeschooled. Maxwell life was terrible outside the shabby shack, most of the other kids would tease and bully him of his poor lifestyle and being a Faunus, most adults gave his father and Maxwell a hard time, giving the very low income, treating them like trash, and giving him humiliating jobs for all his life. Because of this, Maxwell too had work with his father in order to provide food for the home. As this continued, Maxwell soon began to despise humans with a burning passion.

The only thing Maxwell enjoyed when he was little is hunting, the only time when he felt like he had power was when he hunted and trained with his father out in the winter. It was a amazing feeling when he hunted down prey with his father, the feeling of overpowering enemies and not be oppressed by the humans was something he longed for. As Maxwell got better at hunting, he soon decided what he wanted to do in life, he wanted to become a mercenary not a hunter. His hatred for humans lead to the decision of "why should I protect the ones that hate my kind?" And decided the best way to life a wealthy life was to become mercenary.

As years pass by, Maxwell had acquired hunting and combat skills from his father at the age of eighteen. Maxwell soon decided that it was time for him to enroll himself into one of those academies to become a mercenary not a hunter (such as the one he got denied in Atlas). He left the shabby shack and went to pursuit one of the family relatives. It took him weeks until he found his target. He asked for his family money back but the scammer already spent the money before, the scammer soon suggested an idea, he could get Maxwell into Beacon if he forgave him. Of course Maxwell took the scammer suggestion but instead of forgiving the scammer, he continues to use him and blackmail what he did to the officials. Unlike before, he got into Beacon by forging a fake transcript without going to any other school just  to get into Beacon.

Personality: Maxwell is a ruthless, instinctive, thorough type of person, never the type of person to disregard anything that would help him. While he never attended to a proper school, he is quiet intelligent and always thinks "outside of the box" , both in or out of combat. Maxwell is usually silent, always thinking about anything really, sometimes (when outside of combat) he ignores reality and just ponders all day with all this pondering. He hates it when people interrupt him when he's thinking. When dealt with Stress, Maxwell tries to relax himself, he usually "takes it in" and tries to find a way to deal with it, however Maxwell does have a boiling point and he will explode and become very violent after taking so much stress. Maxwell highly dislikes humans to the point that it's just plain racism in other people view, his hatred for humans makes him completely dangerous when partnered with a human, he won't hesitate to strike his own commrades (if they are human) down. He'll even help the enemy take down any humans when he truly despise someone. Although he is cold and contains a deep hatred towards humans, This makes him resentful when talking to humans, While he may be calm and nice on the outside, deep down he just want revenge and justice for his kind. Maxwell ideals and view on the current world is blinded by his past experience, Maxwell dreams for the day when karma strikes back and reverses the social class, making the Faunus the top of the chain while the humans crawl around the dirt. His feelings being around other Faunus is completely opposite, he is more friendly and "nice" among Faunus. He doesn't participate in most teams, he focuses more on himself than any of potential teammates well-being. Luckily to Maxwell and everyone else around him, he wasn't raised like a savage, his mental state stable and not insane.

Aura and Semblance: Maxwell Aura is a light green color, like lime. His aura is more than average strength but not strong enough to tank massive hits, it's durable.Maxwell Semblance is active camo, upon activation, Maxwell can turn (and remain) invisible and his movements are silenced as long he either has his Aura up or doesn't move too much.
While the active camo is useful for any situations, the enemy could see a light green outline if Maxwell is cloaked close to them. The duration depends on how much aura Maxwell has left, while it doesn't drain the aura but it's performance and quality of cloaking heavily relies on how much aura Maxwell has. While it can silence the sounds of movement, any attacks made by Maxwell (shooting, swinging) while cloaked, can uncloak him for a moment and any sounds would be silenced. However, any hits made directed toward Maxwell while cloak is a hit to his aura, the cloaking does NOT give a shield or whatever, it is directly linked to his aura.
Combat Behavior:  He is versatile, meaning that he will use anything to his advantage, including the field, the junk of items around him, or just his shoe if he has to, this also means he has a wide verity of weapons to use, making his combat fighting all around. his fighting style and thinking reflects one of a hunter, he won't be the first one to throw punches, he will use his cloaking and "stalk" his "prey" until the moment to strike is shown to him. Due to his shortcomings in life, he always thinks of every route he can take and make back-up plans if things where to go south. He's intelligent and thorough, any weakness the enemy shows during combat, he will take note of it and think of a way of "how can i use that to my advantage". Once he thinks of a plan, he will exploit the said weakness. Maxwell becomes more aggressive in combat when fighting a human, showing his hatred towards them when in combat, this could make him reckless when fighting, letting his past getting the better of him. Maxwell tends to underestimate anybody that seem a easy pray to him, not fully aware what that "prey" true potential and strength might be, this could catch him off guard if his prey might be stronger than it looks. Maxwell ignores his teams, meaning in the beginning of the fight he abandons them and goes "solo" in the fight. He is unresponsive to team calls or anything related to teamwork, making him totally useless in team fights (unless he sees that it is an opportune moment that he can strike). His "solo" attitude when in combat makes him a easy target for an ambush if Maxwell gets too careless.


Name: Short and Sweet

Primary Form: Dual FN five seveN’s, these weapons are slightly modified they still retain the normal stats and weight of any five seveN’s but they weight around 1.3 lb. the only “modified” thing about this gun is the top part of the handguns. The barrel of the gun can be split open once placed inside of the “sniper”, acting as the trigger for the sniper weapon. Although only one of these guns can be placed into the “sniper” the bullets of the handguns are not used as ammunition for the sniper rounds. The handguns carry about 11 rounds per magazine.

Secondary Form: While Short and Sweet sniper mode has nothing special about it, it is a average bolt action sniper rifle weighting about 28 lbs. The sniper rifle uses different rounds than the five sevens, the sniper magazine carries about 5 rounds.

Other: Maxwell carries the “body” of the rifle which can be folded for easy carrying. The body does not include both the magazine and the “trigger”. Maxwell also adorns a small jetpack that contains the folded sniper rifle for easy storing. The jetpack is used for small burst of movements, it can hover in the air but it is extremely vulnerable and weak to any attacks made to it, making it easy to destroy in one shot or hit. While the jetpack carries very limited fuel, Maxwell uses it sparingly. 

Secondary Weapon: A lightweight dust powered sword used for melee encounters. The sword has no blade until dust is inserted into the hilt, the blade of the weapon will appear once inserted, the damage type of the weapon depends on what kind of dust used in the weapon. The weapon itself doesn’t do any special attacks ( fire blast, ect. Ect.) with any kind of dust, the only thing that the dust contributes is type of elemental damage. The sword has a second function, a singular red button is placed on the top of the hilt, once pressed, the “sword” will become a whip. Of course he only uses the weapon if he is engaged in close combat without his pistols or when the moment calls for it since dust is very expensive for him to buy.
(To make things easier, just imagine that the second weapon is like a lightsaber except it doesn’t cut things easily as one and it can become like a laser whip.)

Dust Functions: The sword is able to take any kind of dust however, the sword does not perform "special" attacks when inserted with dust. The only that changes when dust is inserted into the sword, the sword does elemental damage, depending what dust is placed in it.

History: Upon the creation of his weapon, Maxwell decided that he wanted a weapon that could best benefit his “balanced” skill of combat. Learning so well with a sniper rifle with his father prompted him to get one, but seeing the disadvantage of having one, Maxwell decided that he can could make a rifle. He spent years trying to find a way how to combine a weapon that is used in close combat with a weapon that is used for long range, He then decided that he can take out the “trigger” of the rifle and modify it to where a pistol can be shoved into it and work as the sniper’s trigger, thus creating the Handgun/ Sniper rifle weapon. While he loved his new creation, he then realized how vulnerable he will be without any melee weapons, what would happen to him if he ran out of bullets or if he lost his pistols? He didn’t want to carry any swords or maces since they were a bother to carry around all the time. He went on days on thinking how he could solve his melee weapon problem and by the time he reached his relative scammer, from looking around his relative belongings, he found a hilt that uses dust, without even asking the scammer. He stole it and grabbed as much dust from the scammer as he can into his pockets, thus making it into his arsenal of weapons.
Title: Re: Andrew Maxwell
Post by: El bandito on January 05, 2017, 12:35:08 PM
Title: Re: Andrew Maxwell
Post by: NotSurprised on January 05, 2017, 11:22:45 PM
Welcome! One thing I want to get out of the way is that you probably shouldn't bump the profile until it's been at most a week. We can't get on all profiles lightning quick. Otherwise, I'll get to the actual review.

Appearance: You can combine the combat and in public subsections with appearance, since it's not really needed. What type of armor is the material? Skin color? Scars? Eye color? These are little nitpicks, but it does help with building an image for the character.

History: Preeeeetty edgy. There are only two obvious issues I can see. One, is that hunting outside the Atlas would be particularly safe because of Grimm. Second, Headmaster Alban would PROBABLY know about Maxwell's fake transcripts. If you want that, I'm okay with it. Also, you might want to explain how killing became second nature to your character because hunting animals and fighting off grimm is MUCH more different than killing a human being.

Personality: Expand more on it! How intelligent is he? What ideals does he hold? How does he deal with stress?Is he mentally strong?

Aura and Semblance: Combine the weakness section with this. Second, keep in mind the fatigue system put into place for semblances would probably affect how effective the semblance is. I'm not sure about the drawbacks making the semblance balanced, since there are chances where Maxwell can succeed in getting an autohit (which we don't want). I'd probably suggest adding one weakness that would not allow autohits.

Combat Behavior: Like before, combine the weakness section with this. Also, expand more. What other strengths and weaknesses could he have? I can't provide any examples as of now, but at least try for 5 of each.

Weapon: It should be fine, but I'd suggest splitting it into two weapon since complex is not always better. Weight would definitely be an issue, possible malfunctions is an issue that can occur. Size might be another issue to hold all these mechanisms for it to mechashift.
Title: Re: Andrew Maxwell
Post by: El bandito on January 06, 2017, 01:50:31 AM
Sorry if its really egdy, at first this character was gonna be a simple human who was "racist" toward Fuanus but my friend told me I have to be a Fuanus in order to get a deal with the White fang. Nevertheless a lot of edits where made so this wasn't my ideal first character but I liked the bounty hunter idea so I won't feel bad if you think this character is trash or anything but I'll get to edit this tomorrow when I have the chance!
Title: Re: Andrew Maxwell
Post by: Skylia on January 06, 2017, 06:45:30 AM
Just two things I'd like to make note of real fast:

1. Bumping isn't really necessary at all. Most of us know what characters need to be reviewed, but some profiles require a more in depth review that naturally just takes longer. So yeah, no need to bump.

2. Before someone makes fun of you, it's not spelled as "Fuanus". It's "Faunus", as in Faun.

Just a quick little intrusion. Continue on, NS.
Title: Re: Andrew Maxwell
Post by: El bandito on January 06, 2017, 06:20:13 PM
I edited all the problems you had before but i have to work on the weapon, im thinking about changing it so i am getting to work on that right away.

edit: I also completely changed the weapons, i hope its not complicated this time.
Title: Re: Andrew Maxwell
Post by: NotSurprised on January 10, 2017, 01:08:09 PM
So, I was just about to give you shit for not doing what I told you to do, which was add weaknesses. However, you'd lumped it into the weakness section (which you don't really need). Combat Behavior is basically the "Strength and Weaknesses section", so you really don't need to add a section of your own. I'd suggest you move semblance related details in the weakness section to aura and semblance, while combat related weaknesses would be moved to combat behavior. It makes it easier to read for anyone that needs to see the profile. Otherwise, it's basically ready for recommendation.
Title: Re: Andrew Maxwell
Post by: El bandito on January 10, 2017, 01:40:09 PM
So, I was just about to give you shit for not doing what I told you to do, which was add weaknesses. However, you'd lumped it into the weakness section (which you don't really need). Combat Behavior is basically the "Strength and Weaknesses section", so you really don't need to add a section of your own. I'd suggest you move semblance related details in the weakness section to aura and semblance, while combat related weaknesses would be moved to combat behavior. It makes it easier to read for anyone that needs to see the profile. Otherwise, it's basically ready for recommendation.

Sorry! I had to edit this all on phone, didn't mean to make any mad here.
Title: Re: Andrew Maxwell
Post by: NotSurprised on January 10, 2017, 01:56:01 PM
That's fine. I'll just recommend it now and you can organize it later.

Title: Re: Andrew Maxwell
Post by: El bandito on January 10, 2017, 02:03:11 PM
edited, i took off the "weakness" section and added whatever weakness the seamblance had to the aura and seamblance section while placing the other section of the "combat" weakness in Combat Behavior.
Title: Re: Andrew Maxwell
Post by: jjb2158 on January 17, 2017, 05:26:34 PM
I'll do the second review. I do have a few things:

I would like a spot that says something about his intelligence. Does he do well with schoolwork or does he struggle with it? Given his circumstances and situation, my thinking would be that he struggles with it.

This semblance is too OP for a first year. It basically makes him nearly invisible and muffles almost any sound he could make, making it easy for him to auto-hit someone. There's just not enough drawbacks to this semblance to equal it out. Here's what I would like to see:
1. How long can he keep his semblance activated? A more detailed explanation would help, meaning I want to know the maximum duration he can keep it activated.
2. What drawbacks are there when he uses it for a long period of time? There will need to be some drawbacks for this semblance to keep it from being too OP.
any attacks made by Maxwell (shooting, swinging) while cloaked, can uncloak him for a moment and any sounds would be silenced
Having it muffle or silence any sound is going too far. The moving silently and being cloaked is alright, but muffling the sound of an attack (i.e. gunshot) makes this semblance too powerful.

Okay, I have a big issue here: how in the world is someone who came from an extremely poor family able to afford to create weapons of this caliper, much less a jetpack on top of that? Not only that, but how in the world is he able to afford the upkeep of both ammunition and dust to use and operate these weapons? And let me just say this right now: saying that he blackmailed the money out of his relative that stole from him just won't work. If the relative has the money to afford these types of weaponry, why would the relative steal what little money the Maxwell family has? That just doesn't fit here.
When it comes to these types of things, I'm a realist. That being said, realistically speaking, these weapons just doesn't fit your character due to his backstory. If you're insistent on keeping these weapons, then you need to justify how he is able to have them and able to afford the upkeep of them.

That's it for my first review. There is a couple other things I noticed, but I will need to discuss them with the other staff before giving you my verdict.
Title: Re: Andrew Maxwell
Post by: jjb2158 on February 06, 2017, 10:09:44 AM
Moved to MIA