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Messages - ecksdeeeXD

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16
Beacon Academy / Re: Sleepy Sheepy and Busty Vampira. [closed]
« on: July 23, 2017, 08:43:08 AM »
"Mhm. Mhm. Mhm. I see. I see." Ashelynne replied and nodded a few times, her arms crossed over her chest, pinching her chin in deep meditative thought. The refined and dignified manner was somewhat toned down by the fact that she had her sweater over her head. "Mhm. Yes. Yes I would thank you very much please." She nodded again, pulling her hands away from Akel's face. Fumbling around, she blindly searched with her hands, eventually putting them in Akel's. "Pull, please."

17
Beacon Academy / Re: Sleepy Sheepy and Busty Vampira. [closed]
« on: July 22, 2017, 10:48:34 AM »
"Meow!" Mr. Puffy Paws protested, batting at Akel's hands with his puffy paws and obviously doing no damage at all other than the feeling similar to a marshmallow dropping repeteadly onto Akel's wrists. Ashe's ears popped back up, prompted back into wakefulness by Akel. "Oh, hehe. You like?" She beamed proudly, lifting her hands to Akel's cheeks. The sleeves were fairly long so they covered up her dainty fingers as Ashe rubbed them on Akel's face, letting her feel the soft material "So soft, like a cloud that's been hung up all its life so it never has to use its muscles and is so soft it melts in your mouth.... Wanna try?" She fawned over her sweater and reached down, pulling it over her head and struggling to get it off, exposing the belly of her uniform and the fact that her blouse had gotten fairly wrinkled from her nap.

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Beacon Academy / Re: Sleepy Sheepy and Busty Vampira. [closed]
« on: July 21, 2017, 10:10:51 AM »
Mr. Puffy Paws mewled and struggled, not enjoying the nose touching his sensitive underbelly. As Akel's hand came up to shield her face, the cat mewled again, batting at her head with his soft paws and bean shaped toes. "It is very nice, isn't it?" She grinned, gently pulling the cat away and setting him down on the grass. "So soft... and fluffy... like a warm...blanket...." She said, starting to doze off again while sat on the grass, her slow descent into slumber shown by the way her ears began to droop.

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Beacon Academy / Re: Sleepy Sheepy and Busty Vampira. [closed]
« on: July 21, 2017, 09:04:51 AM »
Ashe beamed brightly when Akel set herself down on the lawn. A perfect spot of grass like this came around only every day. It was an opportunity one shouldn't miss. "Strange?" She cocked her head to the side, her left ear drooping down lazily to brush the cottony shoulder of her sweater. "Well, I'm Ashe. Oh, and this is Mr. Puffy Paws." She said, reaching over to pick up the Tabby and pressing his warm belly right into Akel's face. "If you haven't noticed, his paws are very puffy. And they're paws. And he's a boy. I think."

20
Beacon Academy / Re: Sleepy Sheepy and Busty Vampira. [closed]
« on: July 21, 2017, 08:46:20 AM »
Ashe slowly came to, Mr. Puffy Paws moving away to curl up on the grass while his bed sprung to life. Well, sprung as loosely as the term could be used. Ashe rolled slowly, moving to sit on the grass with her legs folded off to the side. "Mmmmm...one sec...." She mumbled and flapped her ears like a fletchling bird attempting to fly. "Fwaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh~" She yawned whole heartedly, arching her back and raising her hands to the sky before licking her lips and finally opening her eyes. "Oh... Uhm, good morning." She smiled with her eyes half lidded, "Oh, well. It's really comfy. And the grass is nice and cool... like a fish that isn't wriggly or slimy but wants to be buddies." She said, nodding proudly at her simile. ?""You should try it too." She suggested, patting the spot beside her.

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Beacon Academy / Re: Sleepy Sheepy and Busty Vampira. [closed]
« on: July 21, 2017, 08:21:01 AM »
Mr. Puffy Paws mewled once again in reply, showing diction and grammar above and beyond most felines his size and breed before flopping onto his side, pressing his back warmly against Ashe's belly.  Ashe continued to dream peacefully, the ends of her lips curled into a subtle smile. "Mmmmm... yeah it is...." She mumbled, turning again, much to Mr. Puffy Paws' dismay. Rolling onto her other side, Ashe positioned herself with her stomach lightly resting on Akel's shoe now. "It's... silly.... Like pink ice cream that isn't strawberry...." The sheep faunus paused to lick her lips, "Or strawberry ice cream... that isn't pink...." She mumbled, seemingly drifting deeper into her dream when she gently caressed Akel's shoe, feeling leather rather than fur. "Eh?" She groaned, flopping her ears off to the side, showing off her warm chocolate eyes as she looked up at the snowy haired girl. "Oh. Good morning."

22
MiA Characters / Re: Alabaster Corceran
« on: July 21, 2017, 08:10:17 AM »
Acknowledged :D

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Beacon Academy / Re: Sleepy Sheepy and Busty Vampira. [closed]
« on: July 21, 2017, 08:03:07 AM »
Mr. Puffy Paws looked up with a curious look on his face, mouth slightly agape and his pink tongue peeking out at Akel. "Mr. Puffy Paws...." She mumbled again, her ears resting on her eyes to give her eyes shade that the neither the tree canopy above her nor the hood around her head could provide. "Your voice... it's... sillier than usual...." She mumbled in a daze, rolling over onto her side and knocking the cat off her belly. Mr. Puffy Paws meowed in protest, rolling onto his back and quickly righting himself. He looked up at Akel, seemingly accusing her of cause Ashe to move and taking away his comfortable seat. "Meow!"

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Beacon Academy / Re: Sleepy Sheepy and Busty Vampira. [closed]
« on: July 21, 2017, 04:32:50 AM »
Beacon was blessed with lush greenery and vibrant flowers in a garden berodering on being called a forest with how peaceful it seemed to those that walked through its gravel paths. Ashe's chosen path though was far from the closet students milling about or couples taking a stroll. "Hmmmm... mr. Puffy paws... noooooo...." the sheep Faunus whined. She was currently locked in a life and death battle with her pet cat -a tabby as warm and fluffy as Ashe herself- perched a top her stomach, pawing at the soft material of her sweater. She was clad in her beacon uniform under the blue, her socks an unmatched pair. One was blue and he other polka dotted red. "You'll knock down the... cupcake house... Puff Paws.... she mumbled some more, making it even more ambiguous as to whether she was awake or not.

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The Vale Region / Re: The Lonely Road [Shard INC] [Closed]
« on: July 20, 2017, 09:46:47 PM »
"Don't ease up! Jump!" Brook called out, waiting for her impromptu partner to get his feet off the ground for her to launch him again by pushing on his heels with her staff. Sending Juno soaring towards the one she'd already hurt. It would be good to switch up attack order though and Brook dashed forwards with her semblance. A flurry of eagle feathers flew forwards, passing around and over Juno's soaring body, and re-materializing as the girl, her hands and staff poised like a baseball batter, standing at the beast's injured side -away from its partner- with her muscles tense and coiled like a spring about to let go . Howling, she swung, aiming to impale the bladed eagle wing of her staff in between the injured beowolf's limbs.

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Approved Characters / Re: Captain Cordell
« on: July 19, 2017, 08:25:20 AM »
Sorry for the delay! This profile is a lot to go through and if i comment on something you corrected, kindly notify me!

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Eh, it's a "stage name", if you will -- she's very theatrical about the whole pirate thing, to the point of absurdity in fact. I'm not that attached to 'the 10th', though, so if you'd rather I can certainly remove it (it is a bit superfluous).
Reason accepted.

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I guess I have some clearing up to do where Cordan's motivations are concerned -- I'll expand the history to elaborate. Here's my thinking, in short:

Cordan's career had been spent developing military tech he believed was keeping his kingdom, and the world, safe. Not every weapon has a purpose in peacekeeping, even against an enemy like the Grimm. You have to really stretch to find justification when it comes to bombs on the scale that could be dropped from an aircraft -- they're not suitable for defending cities and villages under attack (civilian collateral being a big concern) nor for supporting troops in the field. The best argument that can be made is bombing Grimm nests in the wild but this is problematic in several ways: it assumes a kingdom has the resources to go actively exterminating Grimm that aren't an imminent threat, it risks causing surviving Grimm to go on the attack (as they tend to dwell just outside the borders of human civilizations), and it's a job better and more efficiently handled by kingdom-border artillery units, airborne point-and-shoot weapons and, honestly, Huntsmen and Huntresses. The design of a weapon tells you a lot about its intended purpose, so a bomber with stealth elements that's designed to tangle with other airships speaks of a desire to wage war -- specifically, to strike stationary or slow moving targets (cities and towns, specifically), not protect people from Grimm or raiders. This ran completely counter to both Cordan's personal beliefs and what he believed he was working to achieve.
It's a big, scary world. Applying explosives from great heights is a good idea.Why would Atlas, a country with flying battleships, be concerned about a leak of their bomber? Not only that, Atlas is a really military based kingdom. Out of all of them, Atlas citizens would be least concerned with bombing runs on incoming hordes of grimm. Also, it's a bomber but designed to tangle with other airships? And even if it is capable of that, the White Fang is a growing threat that has been shown using airships. Also a reasonable military would smash the shit out of this aircraft before it was traced back to them. Or they would report it to allied forces and they would work together to nip this issue in the bud

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Given he'd recently lost his wife and was in a deep drinking depression, some of the earlier hints and clues didn't really register -- when grieving or processing emotional trauma the mind tends to look for ways to disengage or go on autopilot. People are introspective and less focused on the world around them. I'll try to rewrite this segment of the history to better express this.
As traumatic as losing a wife is, I don't think depression works that way. He wouldn't go into a trance and just start working on something. He'd at least know what he was doing at the time and if he really is against it, he wouldn't go "Hum dee dum dee dum, let's put these bombs here" then later go "OH CRAP WHAT'D I DO" as he looks at a finished weapon of mass destruction.

Spoiler section with explanation accepted. If you really want something like this, I'd suggest a modified existing airship to outcompete the others and not a brand spanking new one. It's easier to upgrade something than to start from scratch. Also, that makes replacement parts for repairs easier on Cordell since those of an existing ship will be easier to find rather than something one of a kind.


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I'm basing the maximum resistance Cordell would face in such a mission on the Black trailer. Doubtless, not every train car or airship has a small army of robots and a robotic behemoth with a doom canon guarding it, and even under those circumstances the WF saw fit to send no more than two members to secure what they were after. Cordell, admittedly, is no Adam or Blake, but she really doesn't have to be -- if all you're after is a train's cargo then you deploy onto the train, sever the cars you want from the rest, and then clean up on-board security bots and the like at your leisure. By taking bite-sized chucks from larger supply convoys Cordell could actually do reasonably well for herself without drawing immediate retaliation. And if the heat gets to be too much, withdraw. That's my thinking on the matter, anyway.
If based on the Black Trailer and if this were their first time attacking, sure, I get it. But these are repeated attacks on similar or even the same companies, SDC being one of them. They would definitely heighten their security if they expect it coming. If their modus is to steal entire traincars load of equipment then it would be a big deal, ESPECIALLY on repeated instances. Of course their wouldn't be an immediate reaction. No one's their. But future cargo trains would be more and more heavily guarded, if not a trap waiting in the bushes for them. It'd be odd for a company to get so rich and so powerful if they're lax enough to lose entire trainfuls of merchandise and not care.

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I do mention this briefly in the profile, but the main reason Atlas military wouldn't come after them is to avoid a diplomatic incident. Admittedly, that may need some expanding upon. It's likely that at least those within Atlas who know about the ship's design have put two and two together, but they may also be keeping quiet to avoid word of their failure getting out. Again, something I'll try to expand upon.
So it IS the Atlas Military's ship? Correct me if I'm wrong but I thought you said you wanted it open to future story. Also, why would they be avoiding diplomatic incident by not going after it? It's THEIR ship. If Cordell decided to attack/pirate from other kingdoms, it would be traced back to them, making chasing Cordell down a better option to avoid diplomatic problems.

A little suggestion: A former engineer on the run who stole a not super advanced airship because the guys were selling em to blackmarket dealers and whatnot would make more sense than current profile of war monger

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When used, an invisible pulse of Aura energy echoes outward in all directions from her hand up to a maximum radius of 300ft (although anything more than 100 ft requires significant focus, thus preventing it from being used while moving or fighting). The Aura "echo" allows Cordell to sense "energized" elements of her surroundings: a person's Aura, a machine or android's power cell and circuitry, and any significant concentration of Dust. This extends to residual energy -- even a circuit that is turned off will have a slight presence in her perception so long as it's been active recently (depending on the size of the circuit, anywhere from hours to days, up to weeks for particularly large or power-heavy systems). This doesn't extend to thermal or kinetic energies; Cordell's perception is essentially blind to those. Grimm can also be detected by this "sixth sense", however they are indistinct (they appear on Cordell's "mental radar" as a cold dark haze, making their exact positions and numbers hard to discern) and, for reasons she isn't quite sure of, using her Semblance tends to draw any Grimm within the detection radius towards Cordell. This makes it something of a double-edged sword.

With a minute of quiet concentration Cordell can use her Semblance to effectively map an area -- closing her eyes while doing so helps her create a visualization of what she's sensing but, of course, it leaves her exposed in the moment. The Semblance can't really sense completely inanimate, energy-neutral objects however, so she can't use it to map a building's floor plan or navigate a pitch-black cave. It does, however, compliment her skills as an engineer, allowing her to quickly discern if the flow of power in a mechanism is blocked somehow and how it can be fixed, even improved.
What's a significant amount of dust? An entire truck load or just one crystal? How much does it tire her out, if it does?

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MiA Characters / Re: Parker Bercilak
« on: July 14, 2017, 08:41:02 PM »
For the semblance, again, I'm still not quite sure what you mean by it. He moves it? What does that mean. Also, this phrase is also kinda ambiguous. " The item that is bound must be in contact with Parker in order to be moved, being able to go as far as possible, until the material runs out." I don't understand it, really. Also, rather than specific numbers for force (which I find is a lot harder to visualize than speed) I'd suggest say "he can use his armor with his semblance to push a car" or "lift X amount of pounds" with it. All in all, I'll need a better description of what the semblance actually does. Maybe you could answer the questions in my previous post too :3


Primary Form: What do you mean by "doing more with it" with more thickness? Does his semblance allow him to mold metal like clay with just his mind?

Common Form 2: How many claws?

Common Form 5: For this one, rather than an exact speed (Since it's an appendage, not a separate moving object) kindly have it in more vague terms. "Fast enough to fight against a sword fighter's strokes" or something similar. Again, the 500 pounds of force changed to a more qualitative description rather than quantitative.

Common Form 6: By now I'm guessing he molds his armor's metal like clay with his mind as his semblance so does this metal detach from his armor? Can he seemlessly mold it back into the armor?

Other Forms: Ah. Good description.

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Approved Characters / Re: Captain Cordell
« on: July 11, 2017, 01:24:49 AM »
First thing is in the name. She only took up that mantle, right? Any reason why she's the 10th?

In history, she joined an engineering program at 14? That's a tad young, don't you think?  Still, that's fine (and the other minions agree so it's cool). Also, why was her father surprised that a militant nation was readying... gasp, a military ship? Also, if he's so well respected, why was he kept in the dark? Also, "Cordan knew he had to act, or the world would end up back at war because of what he'd built." He built it but was surprised by it? You also mention that this was done in secret. By who? The Atlesian government? They're military oriented, yes, but not at war with any of the other kingdoms. A secret government sect? Super secret war bombers and the whole upper echelon knows nothing about these potential warmongers when a strict military system is in place, and funding and materials are gonna be accounted for. So unless the site is planning in having a super secret pro war atlesian splinter group with tremendous funding this profile needs some serious reconsidering (a little something from Xar). How is it that they haven't been caught? They target the same things (trains and other supply convoys) but they don't encounter enough resistance? Isn't the group that made the ship after her? If they heard news of this "brand new and fast red ship" they'd reasonably assume it's theirs, just with a new paint job right? Especially if it out maneuvers all other ships.  Last thing, how old was she when she escaped with her dad?

Personality makes sense and is indearing as well as well written. Good job

in semblance, I'd like you to change imbue personal energy into just imbue aura. It's easier to understand and less confusing, especially to newbies who'll read this and think "oh, that's how you phrase it." Semblance is allowable but it'll need more direct terms in what it can and can't do. Can it make a computer work faster? Calls have better signal? You'll have to specify it's limit to mechanical devices such as guns, motors, etc. Also, I'm not sure how overload works in this scenario. If it both speeds up and the same time, it cancels out. If one is more than the other, it does that instead. Alternating quickly between fast and slow WOULD work if you were say slamming breaks and gas repeatedly in a car but the way this semblance works (with how I understand it) is that it aids the entire mechanism to go faster or slower. Damage to a mechanism would work if all parts aren't moving at the same speed (like an engine working hard to move a wheel that isn't budging). If this semblance affects all components of a mechanism, there wouldn't really be any damage done. TLDR it's not "GAS. BRAKES. GAS. BRAKES" but more of "I can suddenly run faster! Oh now I'm slow. I can suddenly run faster! Oh, now I'm slow."
Also, you mention she must touch it to affect it but has a range of 100 feet? Do you mean she needs to touch it initially and THEN she can maintain control from a hundred feet? How long can she maintain control? Does she actively need to concentrate on it or can she do other things while doing it? If the mechanism is bigger than a hundred feet, does she just have to be in range to still control the entire thing? If she's in a ship larger than a hundred feet, does she have to be in range of the engine to control it? How many things can she control at once? Does she feel any ill effects due to this? Is the effect on her body different if she were to control a car compared to a gun (like does size, complexity of mechanism, rate matter?).


It should be noted that Cordell must actually touch a mechanism to use her Semblance on it, and needs to stay within 100ft of it to maintain and of the effects. She also cannot use her Semblance on an object that is channeling another person's Aura, such as a weapon that's being held (or is otherwise imbued), without that person's Aura "accepting" the inflow of power -- that is, she can't make her opponent's weapon(s) fall apart in their hands or do anything else unless the wielder is a consenting participant.

Combat behavior needs weaknesses and more detail. How good is she when she's NOT darting from cover to cover? How good is her swordplay? How good of a shot is she? Does she do well against people compared to grimm? Does she work well in groups or against groups? How is her unarmed combat? Is she quick on her feet? What's her physical strength like? Stuff like that. Since she's a pilot, her flying abilities would be here as well.

Weapon 1: Well written. I don't see any problems, really.

Weapon 2: Weapon description lacks size. Also, having a handguard as a lever that does something really seems like a bad idea. Wouldn't someone be likely to hit it and accidentally set off the blade? How heavy can the blade's magnet and the rope handle? How durable is the rope? And regarding the dust fueled hyper magnetized state, I'd like to point out that it would only pull in stuff lighter than it. If anything in that radius is heavier/more massive than it, the blade would fly towards that (pulling it, and her earrings/all metal on her, out of her hand and off her body.

I'll leave comments about her ship for next time.

29
MiA Characters / Re: Parker Bercilak
« on: July 10, 2017, 08:55:47 PM »
Name down to appearance seems fine. Does the last name mean anything? For the appearance you can use (spoiler)(img)insert link here(/img)(/spoiler) with brackets instead of parentheses to make things easier. Any reason why he has dark rings around his eyes?

For history, a little typo. I think the word is coattails. A little vulgar but I can't really deny your character on that basis. Just wondering if you're really going for an edgy Draco Malfoy "I'm better than everyone" angle.  Also "You see, Parker just couldn’t skrrt around being a lone wolf"

Personality is ok, if a little odd. He has no reason to be salty and sarcastic based on history but it's a pass.

Semblance has a lot of detail to be desired. What do you mean when you say "move as if it were a part of his body?" Can he use telekinesis (like glynda)? Does he have to maintain contact to move it? (Like can he float stuff around him or can does he hold a rope and move it around like a snake?) How fast can he move them? How far can he move them? How strong is his power (like if he were manipulating a shield and blocking something, how strong a blow could he block?). Also, how does this work with his gear? Does he constantly control his armor like an exosuit/exoskeleton? Also, when he takes time to bind something to him, how does this affect him? Semblances usually tire someone out/takes a toll on their stamina when used so how does this work with his semblance? Does he get tired when binding something but after the initial "charging" of it, he's good? Or does he constantly feel his stamina sapping away because he's bound to his armor? All in all, a lot of questions in regards to his semblance.

Weapon needs a lot more description. Prolly add another link to his armor's apperance here as well as a description. You mention it's EXTRA THICC but it's also more mobile than normal? How do you explain that? For form 2, where do the blades come out? On the ventral or dorsal side of his forearms? Any not on their appearance? Same for form 3. How big are the shields, what do they look like, where on the forearms are they, how durable are they? Form 4 needs description on where the spikes are, how big are the spikes, and generally on what body surfaces they would show (or is it like an old timey bear hunting suit). Form 5 again needs tendril length, strength, speed, appearance, etc. Form 6 again needs size and appearance.
You use the term common form a lot. Is there an uncommon form? Also, how does this suit work? Dust? Semblance? Again, I'm not clear on what exactly the semblance does so a little more explanation needed.

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Approved Characters / Re: Graham Dylandy
« on: July 09, 2017, 09:52:23 AM »
Ah, alright then. Approved 1 of 2!

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