Author Topic: Ezrin Lore (Ready to review)  (Read 7997 times)

Synchro1

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Ezrin Lore (Ready to review)
« on: June 02, 2017, 08:59:29 PM »
CHARACTER

Name: Ezrin Lore

Age: 17, Frost 14

Species and Gender: Faunus Grizzly Bear, Male

Symbol:  It is a dragon that has curled up into a ball, with its wings being the outer shell of the circle. It is located on his left shoulder, black as night.

Image: ShowHide


Occupation: Beacon Student

Appearance: Ezrin is a white-skinned, scrawny, 5'7 kid with white, short hair, and light blue eyes that he inherited by his father. He weighs at least 115 lbs., (~53 kg) and is often seen wearing a black hood on at times, as well as a black T-shirt, with black and white riding gloves that are fingerless. He has a black gauntlet on his right arm, and wears running shoes and black pants. He usually sounds monotone and uninterested in anything, and his school uniform is usually worn, but only when required. He hates the uniform, as it limits his movement.

Appearance: ShowHide


History: Ezrin was always supposed to be a ninja. It was in his blood, his genome, but he wanted to escape his cruel fate implanted by his father. Before that story continues into the next chapter, let's skip to the Prologue, what happened before he was born.

Ezrin had a father who always got what he wanted due to his ability to complete favors flawlessly, whether it be tracking quests, or assassination attempts. But on a particular day, he was given a certain quest to do that changed the events of his life. His father was asked to go and follow a girl and report on her wanderings, but when he saw the person to follow, he stopped, dead in his tracks and fell in love. Instead of reporting, he followed her wherever she went, and when hidden completely by shadow, he would strike up a small conversation with her, usually telling her a warning or a life lesson. Soon, he met the girl face to face, and she took in his fabulous features, and they had a fabulous life together. . . before the guy came back and nearly killed Ezrin's father. Ezrin's mom stepped in to save him, succeeding in fending him off. Ezrin's mother then bore Ezrin, and was killed by the same man who nearly killed his father, hidden in an alley on a desolated day, where everyone was stuck inside. It poured rain, and his footsteps were light. Mother was near the alley, the time would be soon. Then, when she appeared, he struck, as the clock workshop nearby ticked, tocked, and toiled. Then, it was the same exact time as before with father, but nobody to help him. Except for his only important associate, Klein. Klein took Ezrin, and hid him in a training camp he ran, hoping to toughen him up.

At the age of 6, he had learned how to hide himself very easily. Klein had made a promise that he would teach a weapon that Ezrin had wanted, but only after his sixth birthday. A month after it, and he hadn't been taught anything yet. He was told to wait, and it was driving him crazy, not knowing when it would happen. Klein came out of a secret tunnel, surprising him. "Dang it, Klein! Stop spooking me!" Klein only laughed, and showed him to the Metalworking section of his hidden base near the region of Vale. In there was an anvil, a smeltery, as well as a storage cell next to it filled with a bunch of materials from all over the regions. "For an entire year, Ezrin, you'll learn the importance of metalworking and creativity. In the back there are drawing tables with blueprints. Choose one of them and bring it over, kid." Ezrin looked at them, before choosing the one that looked like a katana. "Ah, the old Katana. Your father would be proud." Ezrin winced at that, and began extracting material from the back room, mostly steel and iron, and began melting it into the cast iron as the sword became mangled after a few hits on the anvil. Fast forward a year, after his Seventh Birthday, and he had made his sword into the best it could ever be. That year of his life is over, and so has his history, until Signal passed him to Beacon.

Ezrin's years in Signal were rather hazy. He always seemed to do well in classes, except that really, really evil time in classes where he was constantly harassed by people to prove he had a weak point. It was in the middle of combat training and one of the many kids who were harassing him was facing against him. The ref conducted a one-on-one battle, and the opponent taunted him to go first.  He hid himself, and took the opponent from behind the back, pinning him to the ground, all within 23 seconds. Since that day, nobody harassed him again.

Personality: Ezrin is usually quiet, cold, detached and would rather not make connections, as the connections could be used against him. Other times, he turns into a relatively normal being, usually after a rush of adrenaline. Ezrin is smart, and can be clumsy when he wants to escape something. He likes people who often have the courage to fight back in dire times, people who he can trust and those who can cook. He dislikes those who give up, the type of people who ask him questions he doesn't want answers and he especially dislikes those who feel the need to harass him to figure out a weak point. Academically he does fine, but in combat is where he excels.

Aura and Semblance: Bright white

His semblance is called Light Manipulation, and as his semblance says, he can manipulate light to his being. right now all he can do is make himself invisible, but will learn more as time goes on.

He can hide himself within the visible light spectrum, but can be seen by other frequencies and can flicker when near radio waves. He can stay hidden in 25 second bursts. However, he can still be heard and still has mass, meaning that even if he is invisible, he can be spotted by his movements, and the sounds nearby. His semblance has a ten second cooldown, but if Ezrin extends his time, the cooldown doubles. He casts no shadow while this occurs, due to the fact that he bends light around him to form a cloak.

Combat Behavior:  In combat he is rather weak, as he would rather make peace with others. but when the ability to fight is all he has, then he can be pretty ruthless, as he can chain combos successively. He prefers to take a hidden ambush tactic, hiding in plain sight, then surprising the enemy by appearing and taking them out. He uses his surroundings to his advantage, so if there would be a wall around, he can jump off it or run on it, as well as if he is in a forest. When it comes to the "true" battle, the ones he can't escape, he fights with his stronger attacks first, to try and get rid of the problem first.

His weaknesses are the fact that fights seem mostly pointless to him, and he tries little to actually do anything during a fight, Ezrin makes mistakes rather easily, and he thinks things through rather often.

WEAPON

Name: Katana

Primary Form: A Japanese katana made of steel and iron.
Looks: ShowHide


History: He had made this with Klein at the beginning of his sixth year. After that, he made many modifications.
« Last Edit: June 04, 2017, 04:52:52 PM by Synchro1 »
WIP David Stride --- The Ironic Swordsman

Kingnoname1

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Re: Ezrin Lore (Ready to review)
« Reply #1 on: June 03, 2017, 02:25:23 AM »
It's not quite welcome to the board but welcome back regardless. The first thing I think you should do is check out some of the approved characters so you know what is going to be expected of you by the moderators, link http://rwby-rpg.rwbyfanon.com/index.php/board,16.0.html. You have an interesting core concept but fundamentally everything lacks detail.

Appearance: Does he wear/modify the school uniform? How does he hold himself? What does he sound like? ect ect

History: Being a blacksmith at the age of six, let alone crafting a weapon which is 'the best it could ever be,' is really silly. Signal opens at like 13-14 I think so does nothing of interest happen in those seven years of his life?

Personality: Likes/dislikes? Hobbies? This is really the core of the character and a lot of effort should be spent trying to make Ezrin feel like a real person. Cold and distant but sometimes not doesn't achieve that.

Semblance: So I'd mention how long he can remain invisible or create balls of light? If he can remain invisible while moving and fighting? Is it possible to notice the distortion in the light while he is still or moving? Is he invisible only on the visual spectrum and therefore can be detected by things sensitive to ultraviolet or whatever light? Is he able to manipulate non-visual light for other means? If yes does it take more energy? ect ect

Combat behaviour: Equal to the personality this is what most people are going to read so like the personality it should be as detailed as you can get it. How is he weak? Is he physically weak? Or slow? How is he ruthless? Does he go for cheap shots? Or take people down out of the ring? Or does he not accept surrender?

Like I said above I like the concept of the character and if you have any questions don't be afraid to ask. Best of luck and take care.
No criticism is too harsh so hit me with your best shot.

Calen Shrike - ASTC - First Year Beacon.

Saffron de Cortez - SALT - Third Year Atlas.

Amarant Lovis - (formerly of)ACCE - Headmaster of Atlas Academy

Ramalia - RASB - First Year Shade

Synchro1

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Re: Ezrin Lore (Ready to review)
« Reply #2 on: June 03, 2017, 07:25:05 PM »
Should that do it?
WIP David Stride --- The Ironic Swordsman

Kingnoname1

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Re: Ezrin Lore (Ready to review)
« Reply #3 on: June 04, 2017, 02:19:07 AM »
OK so I'd like you keep in mind the characters we have seen in the show and when designing a first year character try to aim for an equal power level. Being able to be invisible for over eight hours is really really silly. Maybe five or six minutes and not all at once, maybe 10 second bursts with a 30 second cooldown or something like that. Visual light also doesn't form 'blasts' regardless of it's intensity and even if it did you have basically given Ezrin two semblances.

You still haven't explained how he is 'weak,' and you should also trying to think of around two or three combat-based weaknesses for your character. However Ezrin is suppose to be 'weak' could be one.

Other things to mention could be how he does academically? Or anything to make him a bit more like a person.
No criticism is too harsh so hit me with your best shot.

Calen Shrike - ASTC - First Year Beacon.

Saffron de Cortez - SALT - Third Year Atlas.

Amarant Lovis - (formerly of)ACCE - Headmaster of Atlas Academy

Ramalia - RASB - First Year Shade

Synchro1

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Re: Ezrin Lore (Ready to review)
« Reply #4 on: June 04, 2017, 12:16:47 PM »
Okay, that should do it.
WIP David Stride --- The Ironic Swordsman

arcus_gray

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Re: Ezrin Lore (Ready to review)
« Reply #5 on: June 04, 2017, 12:37:10 PM »
So with his semblance. Since he still has a physical mass does he still cast a shadow? Given that his semblance is light manipulation I suppose it is reasonable he would be able to bend the light around him so that it doesn't create a shadow. Still worth noting.
1st year reckless idiot of team LGGR- Gray Saggio- "oh screw it. I'll just hit it till it dies!" 660066

psychotic mercenary- Alizarin rust "make me your enemy and they won't be able to identify your corpse"1C6BA0[/url]

lone wolf huntsman. ex member of team SAND cerulean steel "You are welcome to accompany me but if something goes wrong I'll deal with it myself." 2B3B44

1st year glass canon of team TBD Fallow Russet  "I may have been forced into this but that doesn't mean i don't like it." 50c878

2nd year drunken gearhead(teamless) Revya Vermillion "If you were to change to a lighter metal and add gears here, here and here you could greatly- I've entirely lost you haven't I?" Orange

1st year nimble tank of team CRSA Sandy Smoke "I've been told I'm a right bastard to fight against. Care to try ya luck?"355e3b[/color]

Guardian huntsman and drummer for Grimm Omen Ceramite Gunmetal "A barfight? alright then. SHOWTIME!" 800020 WIP[/u]

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Synchro1

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Re: Ezrin Lore (Ready to review)
« Reply #6 on: June 04, 2017, 12:53:58 PM »
No, while in the state of invisibility, he doesn't cast a shadow.
WIP David Stride --- The Ironic Swordsman

Synchro1

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Re: Ezrin Lore (Ready to review)
« Reply #7 on: June 04, 2017, 03:20:15 PM »
There. Added onto the character.
WIP David Stride --- The Ironic Swordsman

Capta1n_Henry

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Re: Ezrin Lore (Ready to review)
« Reply #8 on: June 04, 2017, 03:50:09 PM »
If you think it's ready to be reviewed and approved, just post in character creation, the board right before this one.

Kingnoname1

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Re: Ezrin Lore (Ready to review)
« Reply #9 on: June 04, 2017, 04:02:35 PM »
Yea I think it's basically as good as we are going to get it. Although personally I would like you to describe the hows and whys more. I'd also put in a bit why does he want to be a hunter, particularly if the character doesn't see the value in fighting and that is basically all what hunters do.
No criticism is too harsh so hit me with your best shot.

Calen Shrike - ASTC - First Year Beacon.

Saffron de Cortez - SALT - Third Year Atlas.

Amarant Lovis - (formerly of)ACCE - Headmaster of Atlas Academy

Ramalia - RASB - First Year Shade