Author Topic: Tina Allan (Moved to Character Creation)  (Read 10374 times)

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Tina Allan (Moved to Character Creation)
« on: January 28, 2017, 11:34:10 AM »
CHARACTER

Name: Tina Allan

Age: 17

Species and Gender: Human Female

Symbol:  A platinum-colored bold crosshair

Occupation: First Year Beacon student

Appearance: Tina is around 5 ft 1 inch in height with a slim, but not entirely slender body. She has long, brown hair, normally tied up in a ponytail with a pin with her symbol on it, and she has platinum eyes, inherited from her mother. She has pale, slightly tanned skin and tends to wear a delonix-colored bracelet around her right wrist. Apart from the school uniform, which Tina doesn't wear all that often, she has a cross between girly and tomboyish, mostly tomboyish, clothing which she likes to wear. Her favourite outfit is a silver sleeveless T-shirt with a modified, lower neckline and a tank top which she wears over said T-shirt, left unbuttoned, or a simple, cute blouse. She also wears smooth blue jeans, which is swapped for a black and silver "combat skirt" when she fights. She dislikes high heels, preferring sneakers and even sandals before wearing heels. She wears two criss-crossing leather belts, to which she has 2 holsters attached. There are also several ammo loops on the belt. She sometimes wears single-rimmed glasses.

History: Tina grew up in the cities of Vale, surrounded by peaceful citizens and raised by a loving pair of parents, one being a solo Huntsman (her father) and the other being a well-off clothes storeowner(her mother). Growing up, Tina had little trouble befall her and lived a normal girl's life, with one exception: She showed little interest in what normal girls did (which was group up and gossip) and instead spent her time reading and playing FPS games. This was because of her father's influence, much to her mother's dismay. Still, she went with Tina's wishes as much as she could, only insisting that she keep up her studies. Due to her obsession with video games and reading, Tina never learned how to properly socialise, and instead preferred to chat with people online. She also developed a natural instinct for the trigger, and from her video games, improved her reflexes.
One day, her father received a mission to protect a small village just outside the main cities, and so after bidding Tina and her mother goodbye, he set off. To this day, Tina has never seen him again. At first, Tina was distraught after her father didn't return in the time she expected, fully expecting her father to be dead, killed by Grimm. However, during a period in which Tina was mourning her "lost" father, she received a unnamed package in the mail. Inside were blueprints for something Tina didn't recognise, plus a short note from someone that Tina instantly recognised as her father's handwriting.
"My beloved Tina:
I know you must be worried about me. But do not fear, I just need to deal with several things. One day, I will see you again. In the meanwhile, here's something to keep you occupied. I know you'll like it.
Love, Dad
"
Tina brought the package to her mother, who nearly fainted at the news that her husband was still alive. After a bit of rejoicing, Tina brought the blueprints round to the local blacksmith, who got her the parts she needed to create what Tina named Sunrise and Nightfall, her dual revolvers. Now, after passing the Enrolment Exam with the intention of joining Beacon, becoming a Huntress, and finding her long-lost father, Tina is ready to forge her own path, by gunfire if necessary.

Personality: Tina is a shy yet cheerful girl, with her father instilling several of his hobbies into Tina before he left. Despite her lack of interest in very girly clothing, she wears minimal makeup and makes an effort to touch it up whenever possible. She is an avid reader of science-fiction, and equally loves video games, resulting in her interest in sci-fi. However, this also caused socialising to be a problem for Tina, and thus she is shy around strangers, and prefers to be left alone at social events. However, she is more than willing to talk to people about topics she likes, and she is open and likeable to people she is friends with. She likes to make references to video games and books, often confusing people that don't know what she is talking about. Due to her constant playing of FPS shooters, she has a natural tendency for the trigger, and as a result has improved reflexes from playing so much.

Aura and Semblance: Tina's aura is platinum colored, and she has an average amount of aura. She is especially talented in using her aura to detect nearby Aura users, but is less good at using her aura for other purposes. This may be because of her Semblance, which is Seismic Sense. When using her Semblance, Tina sends a shockwave of Aura through her right leg, through her foot and into the ground, where it travels through the ground, resonating against any moving object and bringing the exact location back to Tina. This shockwave can go up to 20 meters in any direction, passing through walls and solid objects, and CAN detect Grimm, since it is detecting moving objects and not Aura. However, Seismic Sense cannot detect anything in the air, no matter how close they are to the ground. Tina can further focus her mind and extend this range to 30 meters. However, this requires her to close her eyes and stand still. She also cannot use Seismic Sense if her right leg is suspended in the air. Tina can use Seismic Sense once every 15 seconds without significant stress.

Combat Behavior: Tina takes the role of a gunslinger, preferring to engage foes at medium range, and able to provide covering fire for any allies when fighting Grimm. Despite the capability of her revolvers being able to change to swords, she is much less skilled in close-range combat than she is in long-range, and thus prefers to retreat rather than fight if caught. Due to her semblance, she mostly stays on the ground, able to sense foes around her, and force them out into the open, where she can shoot them down. She is not particularly strong, and easily overwhelmed
if disarmed, but she is more than capable of holding a defensive position on her own, even if outnumbered, due to her accurate aim. If forced into close-range combat, Tina mostly stows away Sunrise, her sword, and fights with Nightfall, her rapier. She only knows the basics of dual-sword combat, and thus does not use both swords often.

WEAPON

Names: Sunrise and Nightfall

Primary Form: Sunrise and Nightfall are two revolvers that Tina created by herself, with help from her father's blueprints, and the local smith. In their revolver form, Sunrise and Nightfall are the exact same, apart from the color scheme: Sunrise is whitish-gold and Nightfall is purple-black. The body is comprised of a 6-shot revolving chamber, with a angled handle and trigger underneath. The handle further extends into a oval pommel, which goes under and ends at Tina's wrist. A hammer mechanism is on top of the chamber, and a gilded, thin barrel extends outwards, around 15 cm long. On the top and bottom of the barrel are a pair of metal eagles, wings extended backward and head forward. Both Sunrise and Nightfall hold up to 12 shots before requiring a reload, and they are loaded with Dust rounds, equivalent to .357 Magnum rounds. Both revolvers have an effective range of around 40 meters, and two shots are capable of crippling a Beowolf Grimm.
(Design concept: http://img15.deviantart.net/6ecb/i/2015/113/d/c/argent_peacemaker_spiral_knights_by_bloomy_chan-d8qrvt0.jpg)

Secondary Form: Sunrise and Nightfall may have the same revolver design, but vastly different modes. In Sunrise's sword form, the handle shifts backward on a sliding mechanism and rotates to the back of the revolving chamber, while the pommel also straightens up and forms a classic sword handle, with the chamber as the base of the blade. The two eagles slide down the barrel and line up with the chamber, while the eagle wings lift up and form the edgeguard of the blade. Along the gilded barrel, edges of tempered steel emerge from hidden gaps, and protrude to around 4 cm, creating a gladius sword. However, there is no tip to the gladius, which makes it ineffective at doing any poke damage. The firing mechanism does not work, either. It does do "swish swish stab" well, though.

Secondary Weapon/Form: Nightfall's revolver form is the exact same as Sunrise's, but it's sword form is again, different. As with Sunrise, Nightfall starts it's transformation by swivelling it's handle and pommel to the back of the chamber. However, after sliding the eagles down the barrel to the chamber, the eagles split into 2, forming 4 half-eagles around the chamber, like the prongs on Myrtenaster. The eagle wings do not lift up. From the barrel, a long, sharp rod of tempered steel extends, forming a much shorter rapier, around 66 cm, compared to the normal length of 96 cm of a normal rapier, the reason being that Tina isn't strong enough to wield such a long weapon, and the dimensions would be unrealistic.

Dust Functions: In their sword form, Sunrise and Nightfall don't use dust. However, in revolver form, Sunrise and Nightfall can use Dust infused rounds to further their capabilities:
Fire Dust:Both revolvers fire flaming bullets, which do extra damage.
Ice Dust:Both revolvers fire icy bullets, which create small ice shards on contact, that further shatter into fragments, acting as miniature frag bullets.
Electric Dust:Both revolvers fire electric-charged bullets, which do tiny amounts of paralysis which stack up gradually. One shot is like hitting your funny bone lightly.
Gravity/Kinetic Dust:Both revolvers fire bullets that are affected less by wind resistance and gravitational pull, making them faster, and have slightly higher pierce.

History: The origin of these revolvers came from one of Tina's father's blueprints that he left behind, with a mysterious OOO emblem on them. Tina then, with much trial and error, managed to recreate the design.
(If anyone gets the reference, credit to them)
« Last Edit: January 29, 2017, 10:34:53 AM by MonsterManic »
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Tina Allan - First Year Member, Team ATLA - Twin Sharpshooter

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Lunae Terenas - Second Year Student - Unlimited Explosion Works

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Re: Tina Allan
« Reply #1 on: January 28, 2017, 11:35:33 AM »
I'm posting this unfinished character here and asking for a few opinions.
What do you guys think of her semblance, appearance, weapons?
Any feedback welcomed, be it criticism or praise.
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Re: Tina Allan
« Reply #2 on: January 28, 2017, 02:19:51 PM »
If she prefers to wear girly clothing more often, why is the description for her typical appearance as the tomboy-side of things? O.o
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Re: Tina Allan
« Reply #3 on: January 28, 2017, 02:24:00 PM »
Whoops, meant it the other way around :P
Also, first time describing a female character, so not too certain what "girly" clothes would be apart from dresses...
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Setsuna Antiqua - First Year Leader, Team ASTC - Chivalrous Shield

Tina Allan - First Year Member, Team ATLA - Twin Sharpshooter

Tieren Augus - First Year Student - Emotional Berserker

Kei Tsz Fung - Fourth Year Member, Team SARK - Silent Duelist

Lunae Terenas - Second Year Student - Unlimited Explosion Works

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Re: Tina Allan
« Reply #4 on: January 28, 2017, 02:26:28 PM »
You say that Tina can use her semblance for 15 seconds without aura drain, does she have to stop using her semblance for some amount of time before she can use it for free again?

You might also want to add that Tina has a good turn of speed because if she isn't using her aura to increase her jump she might find it very hard to disengage from a melee fighter.

But yea I like her.
No criticism is too harsh so hit me with your best shot.

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Re: Tina Allan
« Reply #5 on: January 28, 2017, 02:29:38 PM »
Ty for feedback :D
For the semblance, it's once every 15 seconds, not a 15 second duration. So she can use it like a cooldown ability.
Also, I want her to be weak against melee, so, probably no speed boosts on Tina. Every fighter has weaknesses you know?
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Kei Tsz Fung - Fourth Year Member, Team SARK - Silent Duelist

Lunae Terenas - Second Year Student - Unlimited Explosion Works

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Re: Tina Allan
« Reply #6 on: January 28, 2017, 02:30:46 PM »
Girly clothing hey? It's something that not many dudes have an instinct for picking out methinks. Dresses are the obvious one, sure, but clothing or accessories that accentuates or exaggerates feminine features would certainly fall into that 'category'.
Miziren Starminer - 1st year student of Shade Academy and member of Team SMMR - "Strive for betterment in oneself, for in this way, betterment of all may be had."

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Re: Tina Allan
« Reply #7 on: January 28, 2017, 02:38:22 PM »
Currently the style I'm going for is probably a bit more than half-half, so maybe earrings/ something of the sort? Don't want to overload her with jewellery either, so I think I'll make a minor change to her clothing an' leave it be.
Still have no idea about the history, and I'm quite sure I don't want another sob story. Brain frazzled from drawing Nora too... :-X
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Re: Tina Allan
« Reply #8 on: January 28, 2017, 10:12:26 PM »
This reason why I brought up the melee weakness is that the vast majority of Grimm are close combat based so it would be a large weakness but if that's what you are going for.

As for a 'feminised design' I don't envy your decisions as much of character design involves exaggerated characteristics which would make it difficult to balance. However character design isn't only how they look it also includes how they act, for example even if Tina wears little makeup but not enough to be 'over feminised' however still touches it up whenever she has a spare moment. This would, in my mind, establish her femininity while not dominating her design.
No criticism is too harsh so hit me with your best shot.

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Re: Tina Allan
« Reply #9 on: January 29, 2017, 01:27:04 AM »
Alright fuckers, your angel and savior has come! Not only am I female, but I am also very good with clothing. At least that's what I like to think. Well, check out my characters' appearance sections and judge for yourself.

If you want to add a feminine touch to some more tomboy-ish things, lower the necklines, show a little more up there. Jeans can be tighter and sleeker, or just abandoned in favor of shorts. Shoes. Always shoes. An idea for some feminine tops would be off the shoulder things, strapless things, split-sleeve, etc. Makeup isn't that big a deal when it comes to being girly by the way, I barely wear any (though I am on the younger side) and gals who aren't overly feminine still use cosmetics just because they make you look better. Same with jewelry, it just depends on what kind of jewelry. A simple bead bracelet would give off a hippie vibe, a simple chain would I guess add feminity but not overly so, an intricate bracelet would give off a 'posh' kind of vibe. Back to clothes, hats do wonders for establishing a feminine kind of vibe, especially those ones with the large brims. Blouses. Cute blouses. Yes. Very very yes. Floral patterns or lace can boost the feminity of an outfit, though maybe too much for what you're describing. A really nice way of combining feminity and boyish-ness, long shirts. To add more of an ambivalent gender-wise feel, jackets, just like those normal jackets that everyone wears that I don't know the name of. if you need to design your character in a more anime rwby-style way, then streamlined outfits (smooth jeans or shorts, sleek tops) would be a good choice, cropped clothing maybe. Ripped edges work pretty well with crop tops. With combat skirts, throw a bunch of belts and a few chains on 'em, it'll look great.

King's right though, you need to focus on how they act as well. Show not tell, or something like that. Keep in mind that feminine and girly are two different things. Tomboy doesn't mean plain, plain means plain, nor does it mean normal, normal means normal, tomboy means almost male.

And... a vest. Over a sleeveless top? This is totally your choice but I couldn't resist, so... I would throw the top out for a tank and unbutton the top a little, or just leave it open.

Alright, that's it for advice about a section that's probably the least important and really not needing this much advice because most people just give their characters one outfit and never change it while I make sure my characters show up in different outfits outside of combat. Eh, I hope it helps if you ever need all this shit.

I like how you balanced her combat by the way. 's nice.
« Last Edit: January 29, 2017, 01:30:54 AM by The Mythic Scribe »
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Bianca Li(1st year member of team CBLT):"When you're the victim of the behavior, it's black and white; when you're the perpetrator, there are a million shades of gray." -Laura Schlessinger

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Re: Tina Allan
« Reply #10 on: January 29, 2017, 03:15:46 AM »
Jesus christ I need a filter for all this girly information. xD
In all seriousness though, thank you so much for your help! This will vastly help both the appearance and the personality of this character. Can't think of anything really better than what you are describing, and can't thank you enough either. :D
Anyway...I agree on people throwing on one outfit and never taking it off, ever, is a bit ridiculous. Ever heard of a wardrobe, people???

(P.S: Tina Allan is now completely rounded out, history and all. If there is any more feedback, feel free to post it here; otherwise, thanks to all who gave me ideas! Tina will be moved to the character reviewing board soon.)
« Last Edit: January 29, 2017, 07:08:18 AM by MonsterManic »
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Setsuna Antiqua - First Year Leader, Team ASTC - Chivalrous Shield

Tina Allan - First Year Member, Team ATLA - Twin Sharpshooter

Tieren Augus - First Year Student - Emotional Berserker

Kei Tsz Fung - Fourth Year Member, Team SARK - Silent Duelist

Lunae Terenas - Second Year Student - Unlimited Explosion Works

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Yu Nanhai - First Year Student - Lone Survivor

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Re: Tina Allan
« Reply #11 on: January 29, 2017, 10:15:15 AM »
Wait wait wait wait wait did you... tank top over t-shirt? XD I meant you can keep the vest, I think it's a very innovative way of creating some masculinity, but put the tank under that and unbutton the vest or blouse to show it. Or you can just keep the t-shirt with a low neckline, that's fine too, because now that I think about it, it's actually not a bad idea if it's with a low neckline. Yeah, it's a nice aesthetic.

Alright, so overall I really like Tina as a character. She's masterfully balanced in all aspects and isn't too edgy or anything but still memorable. Hope to see you around the site soon and maybe even rp with you sometime, from what I've seen in your char. profiles, you're a fine writer.

There's one thing that I've noticed that may need touching-up though. Steps? Maybe changing that to feet would be better, for exactness.
Mauve Roux(1st year leader of team ROSE):“Attachment is the great fabricator of illusions; reality can be obtained only by someone who is detached.”  -Simone Weil

Bianca Li(1st year member of team CBLT):"When you're the victim of the behavior, it's black and white; when you're the perpetrator, there are a million shades of gray." -Laura Schlessinger

Primrose Aster(1st year member of team BTRA):“To weep is to make less the depth of grief.”  -William Shakespeare

Cerise Carnelian(1st year member of team VCVS):"Be as you wish to seem." -Socrates

Lien Li(2nd year member of team MLDC): "To the mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders." -Lao Tzu

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Re: Tina Allan (Moved to Character Creation)
« Reply #12 on: January 29, 2017, 03:42:47 PM »
Thanks for all the help you've provided, and thanks for the praise as well :D
I'd love to rp with you as well, as soon as Tina gets accepted into Beacon and Setsuna finally gets a team..."grumble mutter sulk"
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Tina Allan - First Year Member, Team ATLA - Twin Sharpshooter

Tieren Augus - First Year Student - Emotional Berserker

Kei Tsz Fung - Fourth Year Member, Team SARK - Silent Duelist

Lunae Terenas - Second Year Student - Unlimited Explosion Works

Graham Dylandy - First Year Member, Team LLGD - Technological Samurai

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Yu Nanhai - First Year Student - Lone Survivor

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