[PegasusCat]

Okay, this is still a lot to edit. I guess I have work to do

[PegasusCat]

Man, that's more work than I thought, but I think I answered the most of your questions

[Poof!]

There is still mention of Chara in your History section.

Now that grimm are attacking her, what is the relevance of the gang she meets when she is 6?

Where is this big forest and the town in relation to Vale? I suggest being vague about the town, just noting it's size or location or name unless you plan to use the world building section of the game.

Once again, who is this supposed organization of human terrorists? Are they just a bunch of slobbering murder hobos that go around stabbing every faunus they see? Because people like that get thrown in jail or attract too many grim to live. Or are they underground assassin's?  Taking out a full fledged Huntsman and huntress, once again, is no small task. They have trained at least 8 years straight in nothing but how to fight and defend others.

And how did Kenny and her brother know about these people? If they knew about these people, then why wouldn't their Huntsman parents and their team be more cautious? In fact, if this group were so reknown, why aren't they being taken more seriously?

[PegasusCat]

Okay, here in germany it is a bit late so I gonna edit the rest tomorrow. Till then iI have enough time to think about how I extend the story so there will be no more questions

[Kingnoname1]

I'd also reign in Kenny's semblance as most people have one ability while you have nine. Sure people can apply their abilities in different situations but they should all be related. I'd also not call it a soul considering in setting all semblance are representative of that persons soul.

You probably need more weaknesses in your combat behaviour as well, current you have:
+good dodger
-low hp
+determined
+intelligent
+high stamina
+good at climbing
the mods say 2-3 weaknesses so I'd recommend maybe not hitting very hard(high dex/con but low str) either or maybe not being able to improvise(to balance Kennys intelligence.)

[PegasusCat]

Okay, so that you don't have to read it all over again, here the thinks I edit:

By her semblance:
"It is also a disadvantage that she flys beside Kenny. If between Kuma and Kenny is to much distance, all of the powers and boosts will disappear. Kuma then will turn white. The same thing will happen if Kuma gets knocked out. Kuma can't die, but get hurt badly and will have to recover from injures like everybody else."


Also, I changed the word soul into heart.

Combat Behavior:

+good dodger
-low hp
+determined (I wouldn't take this as a point, because it's her semblance)
+intelligent
+high stamina
+good at climbing
-Don't do much damage
-Bad swimmer

History: okay, I edit the guys she meet with 6 out.
Also, the village where she lived was in the south of vale

And here more to the organization

"She once overheard her parents talking about them, how they raid a villig in vacuo
Kenny never knew how they called themself but nearly every adult around did. It was a big organization, which lifed in the shadows. Most of the time they go to little villages with small population. Some of them even were Huntsman or Huntress in the past. Why the changed paths does no one knows. Others trained there, to be that strong there are and still others just stab around until they hit. Kenny didn't hear about them in a while, and the last move they did, was in the kingdom vacuo. They never thought that they would actually come to there village"

[Poof!]

As much as having the anti-faunus 'organization' could be a very intriguing background point to have in your character's story, I don't think you quite grasp how to properly tie things together in a cohesive way. That's not meant to be a jab at you personally,  so just try to roll with the criticism here.

Kenny is living in Vale,  yeah? What are Vacuan baddies doing in Vale?  If they raided a villages in Vacuo, why would they suddenly appear in Vale? And specifically, at Kenny's house. 'They lived in the shadows', but yet somehow every adult around knows of them? You know what these kinds of people are? Bandits. The show describes them in one episode.

Seriously though, if you want them to be some big anti-faunus organization that go around with trained Huntsman to murdalize the spit out of faunus en-masse, then you're going to have to actually make that organization in the world build, and only with mod approval. It's fine to have just a random bandit attack stand in to do what you intend for that part of Kenny's history to accomplish.

A note on your combat behaviour: personally, unless the village is on an island, or your character is from Mistral, swimming isn't going to come into play in a combat scenario. Like....at all. It has absolutely no relevance, and isn't a negative point for combat behaviour. At most I would call it a small character quirk.

[PegasusCat]

(Welp, Iīm never good with criticism, but I know that you just want me to finally get a right canditature, so itīs okay I guess)



So, I add in combat behaviour that she canīt improvis, so that fits.

And.... I edit the part with this whole organization out. Itīs just annoys me now...

[Poof!]

Chara is still in there btw...

[PegasusCat]

where? I edit everything that had to do with chara out :/

[nathan67003]

Yeah, guys, remember to quote stuff for ultimate clarity and ease of editing.

[Kingnoname1]

Thought I posted this before but the issue I think the mods will have with your semblance isn't it's power rather it not really fitting in how the show has presented semblances in the past. Ruby has speed because she is hyperactive, Blake has clones because she runs away from her problems and Yang throws hissy fits. Each character has one ability which represents one major part of their character. Kenny on the other hand has a strength boost, stealth boost, speed boost, attack speed boost, cast root or fear as well as go berserk. I know this is from a game but I don't think the mods will allow such a large array of different effectively semblances in the same character.

Also you don't really need to cut out the Faunus hating guys, just the bit about them being super well known. I have Faunus hating guys in my characters backstory and the mods thought it was fine. And Kenny's whole drive to become a hunter is basically because his adopted family died so that still needs to happen.

[nathan67003]

Ruby's semblance isn't really speed, seeing as she can dissolve into petals.

[Kingnoname1]

Personally that's more the visual representation of it but even so that plays into her core character designs.

[PegasusCat]

oh...
Hmm, to be honest I really like my semblance idea and don't really want to change it.
If I have to i do it, but than I don't know what I can have as exchange.
I just don't know what would fit to Kenny

So can kepp my semblance nevertheless?